“This seat taken?”
“Non.”
“I swear, this bar is packed fuller than a barrel of eels on Saint Michaelmas Day!”
“Quoi?”
“There are more people here than at a Texas Rangers home opener!”
“Pardon, mais je ne comprends pas.”
“Hmm…I can tell by the way you speak that you’re not from around here. What’re you doin’ in Toronto?”
“Je suis en vacance.”
“Dammit, friend, speak American!”
“American? You -? Oh, a thousand apologies, mon ami – no, a million. A million apologies. I thought you were a maudit anglais!”
“Modit angle eh? Would that be a bad thing?”
“Absolument. Uhh…absolutely.”
“Good thing I’m not one of them…critters, then.”
“I am in Toronto on vacation.”
“Yeah, me, too. Well, technically, I’m here to bail my brother out of pokey. Damn fool gun laws you got in this country. So, who’re these mod anglers you’re so unhappy with?”
“The English. Canadian English.”
“Un huh. They’re a cold bunch o’ fish, make no mistake. Still, what have you got against ’em?”
“They fight dirty.”
“I hear that, friend.”
“The French, we were – ‘ow do you say – cold-penised.”
“Cold-cocked?”
“Oui. Oui. That is it – cold-cocked. We turn our backs for just a second, and – WHAM! – before you know it, those maudit anglais had beaten us on the Plains of Abraham!”
“Yeah – yeah! I, uhh, couldn’t quite follow everything you said there, friend, but I understood enough to know the same thing happened to us! We was just minding our own business developing our plantation economy when we was bushwhacked by those bastard Northern interlopers!”
“Quesque c’est, bushwhacked? What is it?”
“They won the War of Northern Aggression while our backs was turned!”
“But…did not the South start the war?”
“What?”
“The South…did it not start the war?”
“You remember it your way, friend, and I’ll remember it mine.”
“Ahh. Oui, oui…still, we were victims, non?”
“Yeah. That’s right. Victims. Absolutely. Victims of unscrupulous varmints what wouldn’t fight fair!”
“But, we are still here, mon ami. And, as long as we are still here, we can find a way to make things right, non?”
“Friend, I like where this is going!”
“The French, we are dominated by a federal government that is far away from us and not responsive to our special needs.”
“You said it!”
“Of course, we get a lot more in federal funding and programmes than we pay out.”
“Uhh…okay Sure…maybe…”
“Still, the higher aspirations of our people are not being met.”
“That’s right!”
“We must find a way to take control over our own destinies, over our own territories, so that we may right the historical injustice that has been done to us!”
“Oh, right on, friend! And, I know exactly how to do it!”
CLANK
“A gun? Sacre merde! Why did you just put a gun on the table?”
“That, my friend, is where power emanates from. The barrel of a gun. Can you – can you feel the power? You know. Emanating?”
“Mais, non. C’est pas vrais. Power comes from the consent of the governed. When a majority loses faith in the government, well, ho ho, they must be allowed to secede and create their own state government.”
“Secede? Awwright! Now we’re talkin’! We’ll storm the State House and kill anybody who gets in the way of our – what you call it – self-determination!”
“Non, mon ami. Non. Violence is not required. We hold a referendum. And, if a majority of the people expresses its will for freedom, the national government must respect its wishes and let it go.”
“Yeah! Let freedom from government be the rule!”
“Ah, non. It is about creating a government that can better serve the needs of the people in the province.
“Government serving the needs of the people? Friend, the government that serves best is the one that serves least, know what I mean?”
“Non, non. The people have needs and aspirations which only government can help them achieve.”
“You…some kind of…socialist? …Friend?”
“I am a democrat.”
“A Democrat? Same thing!”
“Quoi?”
“You know, friend, it’s been mighty enlightening talking to you and all, but me and my gun, we got things ta do. See that blond over there? There’s a slight gap between her and her girlfriend – I…I’m gonna see if I’m the one that can fill it. You take care now.”
“Toi aussi. …Maudit americain…”