You Buying Food? Not So Much…
“Corporate tax cuts necessary for economy”
– Toronto Star
The Mortality Rate Is 23% Higher In Hospitals That Don’t Require All That Paperwork
“Overhaul of pay-for-performance sets up battle over bonuses
Hospital CEOs earning hundreds of thousands of dollars say they are earning their pay by saving lives”
– Globe and Mail
A Fully Automated Coffee Making Monarch Butterfly
“More than a fire department”
– Telegram (Newfoundland)
Not So Much Sitting As Desperately Trying To Fly Away From But Being Unable To Do So Because It’s Covered In Tarry Goop
“Oilsands a sitting duck for critics”
– Toronto Star
Company Assured Government That It Will Sell The Commitments
“Ottawa approves distribution centre after ‘commitments’ from Amazon”
– Globe and Mail
Because It’s Rich In Vitamin B12Bomber, Now Containing More Piety
“Finding virtue in veal”
– National Post
They Want Action On The Squirrel, Too
“Moose action committee seeks renewed mandate”
– Telegram (Newfoundland)
On The Bright Side: The Tar Sands Are Off The Radar…
“Fears grow that Gulf oil spill could be among worst ever”
– Toronto Star
Fat Takes More Heat To Cook (But It Tastes Sooooo Good!)
“Goldman’s fat profit doesn’t dispel heat”
– Globe and Mail
Anti-bribery Police Calling
“Avon suspends 4 China executives”
– Toronto Star
Software Tycoon Now 27 Feet Tall
“A house even Bill Gates wouldn’t feel cramped in”
– Globe and Mail
It Takes Time For The Message To Trickle Down (Sometimes Centuries)
“Tearful Pope meets with sex abuse victims
Pontiff promises ‘effective measures’ to safeguard children”
– Telegram (Newfoundland)
“Archbishop of Toronto calls sex-abuse scandals in church ‘exceptions'”
– Telegram (Newfoundland)
57 Trouble Spots Where Our Soldiers Are Unwelcome – Collect ‘Em All!
“Why trade Kandahar for Kinsasha?
– Toronto Star
Being Hoodwinked By What You Know You Don’t Know Is So Much More Satisfying
“Don’t be hoodwinked by what you think you know”
– Globe and Mail
Whereas, When Our Troops Attack Them, The Only Graves Dug Are Theirs
“Taliban digging own ‘grave’ by attacking civilians”
– Telegram (Newfoundland)
And, If There Isn’t One, He Will Happily Create It
“Flaherty warns of G20 division”
– National Post
Globe Headline Writers Can Be Such Ash Holes
“With Europe under a cloud, now’s the time for a pan-Asian feast”
– Globe and Mail
Much Harder Than Waldo, But Better For Your Soul
“The quest: to spot the hidden Jesus”
– Telegram (Newfoundland)
At 47, Don’t You Think Johnny Is A Little Too Old For That Talk?
“Uh, oh, Johnny’s surfing porn sites
You can try to control access. But better still, have a talk that makes him think about what he’s seeing”
– Globe and Mail
With A Mallet? A John Grisham Novel? WHAT?
“A greener way to get anesthetized”
– Globe and Mail
Oh, That’s Not Fair! You Know The Problem Has Abated Since I Started Wearing Adult Diapers!
“IT’S PRIME SEASON FOR EATS, SHOOTS AND WILD LEEKS”
– National Post
You Cannot Renege On Funding Commitments If You Never Make Them
“Hudak vows secure funding for city if he becomes Ontario premier”
– Globe and Mail
To Not Regulate The Bastards To Within An Inch Of Their Lives?
I Should Have Paid More Attention In Economics 101!
“The lesson of the Goldman scandal: buyer beware”
– Globe and Mail
Too Bad They Weren’t More Specific About Where It Was Returning To
“the RETURN of oil”
– National Post
“Oil slick hits mouth of Mississippi”
– Toronto Star
Funny, Because Fertilizer Dominates Markets In America
“Chinese farmers, smokers make Migao a buy
Fertilizer maker part of a growing industry in China”
– National Post
Crushing Main Street Is Wall Street’s Job (And, Business Has Been Good So Far)
“Fixing Wall Street without crushing Main Street”
– Globe and Mail
That’s Not The Only Thing Being Blackened
“Oil spill may blacken BP’s reputation”
– Toronto Star
Oh, I’ll Bet THOSE Negotiations Are Going To Go Smoothly!
“Catholic groups to work with Education Ministry on sex-ed”
– Globe and Mail
“Catholic school denies firing lesbian teacher
Vancouver teacher still on payroll, but not allowed in classroom”
– Globe and Mail
Because Drawing The Blinds And Pretending To Be Closed When The Poor Walk By Wasn’t Working Well Enough?
“Canada’s banks need model for dealing with poor”
– Toronto Star
The Latest Theory: Staring At Spilled Oil Will Make It Go Away
“Arctic drilling faces tougher scrutiny”
– Globe and Mail
Damn! I Knew I Left Montreal Too Soon!
“Nude waitresses are unique to Quebec”
– Toronto Star