Long after we’ve gone home at the end of the day
The people we walk over but never notice
Meet under the Gardener Expressway
To discuss how to melt our hearts of ice,
How to make their homelessness pay
(And, how to get rid of those goddamn lice!).
Concrete slabs are executive seating
For this semi-regular board meeting.
The Chairman is an elderly homunculus named Frump
With lined brown face and two demonic tufts of pure white hair.
By day he is a surly grump
Whom people think is not all there,
But he has survived on the streets for decades – he’s nobody’s chump –
And he has a wit or two, never fear.
Chairman Frump looked at the crowd, from Cross-eyed Dooley to Matty the Hoarder
And shouted, “I now call this meeting of The Streets, Inc. to order!”
The Chairman took a look at the unofficial secretary:
Of all there, he was the tallest and the thinnest.
His eyes darted this way and that, wary –
What was his name? Franklin? Funkerline? No – Innis.
To be honest, The Chairman had always found him scary,
So he hollered: “I think we can dispense with the reading of the minutes!”
Among the board members there was a cheer
(Except for those who were swigging cheap beer).
Noticeably flinching, the Chairman said:
“Although, if I may be so bold,
I would ask for a moment of silence for the recently dead.
Typhoon Mary, who died of cold,
Skateboard Larry, who died of cold,
Lovelorn Gary, who died of cold,
The Old Fairy, who died of cold,
Big Dumb Kind-hearted Frank, who was hit by a car that had swerved out of the way of a bicyclist and cracked open his head,
And Hatful of Harry who died because he was too old.”
Those gathered, their mortality pondered
(Except for those whose minds wandered).
“Okay,” Chairman Frump said, clapping his hands –
Not to get attention, but just to keep them warm.
“It is time we reconsidered our brand.
I would suggest a committee we form
To consider alternatives to the polite demand
That has sadly become the norm.”
The group looked at each other. Then, they looked away.
They didn’t understand what he was going on about, so they had nothing in response to say.
“When I started the business in seventy-three,”
The Chairman told them with a sigh,
“It was just my honey and me,”
And he gave the nearby Mrs. Frump a wink of his eye.
“We harvested compassion as far as the eye could see,
And the only limit to our take was the sky.”
The board members nodded their mostly grizzled heads
(Except for the ones busy wetting their hard beds).
“For the good old days, I am a mourner.
Today, our core business has changed:
There is a Poverty, Inc. rep on every corner,
Ordinary people no longer think it strange.
They just walk by my dear wife, they totally ignore her,
And we receive less and less of their change.
As competition for people’s compassion has become more fierce,
Our revenues are getting worse.
Cardboard signs and clever patter are out;
Synergistic solutions are now in.
And, you can forget the pathetic pout:
A strategic market approach to product diversification will help us to win!
We need innovative strategies to increase our market clout,
And to counter our competitors’ spin!”
Mrs. Frump turned to the group, making a big show,
And whispered loudly, “That’s my hubby. He is mad, you know.”
The VP Requisitions, Eleanor McGurk,
With trembling lips,
Accused Eddie Alonzo, VP R&D, the jerk,
Of stealing office paper clips!
Which, considering that the streets were where they did their work,
Common sense did eclipse.
Eddie, of course, took great offense,
And the descent into meeting dysfunction did commence.
The Chairman raised his hands in a vain attempt to appease,
But the VP, PR shrieked as the VP, Coffee, Tea and Doughnuts pulled her hair,
And all ignored his peaceful pleas.
The VP, Communications gave him a baleful glare.
He, like the rest of them, didn’t understand synergies;
He had long given up on getting a shake that was fair.
Chairman Frump knew nothing realistically could be decided
With a board that was so terribly divided.
The Chairman sighed as he watched the madness
Unfold. This was no contingent operating difficulty, of course,
But a consequence of economic badness.
You’d think he’d be happy with his growing (out of) work force,
But the Chairman looked upon them with some sadness;
As their numbers grew and effectiveness waned, their anger seemed to get worse.
Once again, with no strategy to move forward and not a lesson learned,
Over the hoots and other noises, Chairman Frump shouted, “This meeting is adjourned!”