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I’m Sure The Prime Minister Would Like To Turn The Page…On A Spit Over A Raging Fire
The Harper Government of Canada is looking for a Parliamentary Budget Officer who is “tactful and discreet” and who is good at “achieving consensus” among groups with competing objectives. The person will replace outgoing Budget Officer Kevin “tactless and indiscreet bastard” Page.
So far, Louisa Lapdog has expressed interest in applying for the position, although Frank Goalongtogetalong is considered the odds on favourite should he express an interest in it. Maurice Rocktheboat has let it be known that he would like the position, but Ottawa insiders believe the odds of his actually getting it are lower than those of meaningful Senate reform.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2013/03/08/budgetisntfair130308]
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It Takes One To Know One
Natural Resources Minister Joe Oliver announced that Canada will soon have some of the toughest climate regulations among gas and oil exporting countries.
When asked by a journalist when that would be, Oliver answered, “The day after the United States approves the Keystone XL pipeline.
“Why am I skeptical of that claim?” the journalist followed up.
“Reporters are a cynical, untrusting bunch,” Oliver responded.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=33ddccd3-f3f6-3f3f-3f33-a3eb3cc3a333]
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Small Head, Big Crazy
I must admit, I kind of like the image of Jesus mowing down the moneylenders in the temple with an Uzi. None of that wimpy beating our automatic weapons into plowshares here, thank god! And, when the Romans came to take him to be crucified, Jesus should have barricaded himself in a compound with handguns, semi-automatic rifles, grenade launchers, anti-aircraft guns and any other weapons the NRA would happily make available to him. Of course, the meaning of Jesus’ life would have changed a little in this telling…
Okay, let’s look at it a different way. Why isn’t the NRA defending people’s rights to carry swords? “You’ll get my gladius when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers!” – it has a ring to it, don’t you think? If the NRA won’t come to the support of concealed spatha laws, who will?
David French, writer for the National Review, welcome to the religious ghetto of the Bag of Crazy. I’m sure you’ll be happy with the company you find there…
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Oh, Sorry – You Thought 87 Year-old Interns Was A Joke?
The Mississippi State legislature has passed a law calling for an end to the minimum wage. “We finally, definitively abolished slavery last week,” Republican state senator Antelope Guadalupe commented, “and some of us are already feeling nostalgic for it…”
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/states/2013-03-06-eatingisoverrated_x.htm]
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DETENTION DIARY: For The Love Of – GET TO THE POINT!
WEEK FIFTY-ONE
Pete handed me the keys to the Transit and cried, “For freedom!”
Chuck slapped me heartily on the back and shouted, “For a blow against the tyranny of women!”
Dieter gave me a grin and said, “For – braaaap!” Looking sheepish, he said, “Sorry. I had chili for lunch. Let me try again. Ahem. For – buurrrruuupp! Oh, for…get it!”
Then, I got into the car, turned it on and drove off.
SOURCE: Harpo’s
[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/12/23/dd-9000051]
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Because Doctors Are Likely To Promise Women Abortions But Amputate Their Arms Instead?
“We have consumer protection laws for people who are getting loans, or buying life insurance. It requires that things get explained to them and in my opinion this is another situation where people aren’t making a decision they won’t be happy with down the road.”
– Michigan Representative Joel Johnson, on making ultrasounds mandatory for women who are considering an abortion
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Mifune You Should Say That
It was recently revealed that George Lucas had originally asked Japanese film legend Toshiro Mifune to play Darth Vader in Star Wars. He’s a great actor, but…Darth Vader? Really?
Still think Lucas selling the franchise to Disney was a bad idea?
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2013/2013/03/07/toshirohoh/]
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“Am I The Only One Concerned About Mister Gold Leaving Storybrooke On An Airplane?”
A Republican lawmaker in New Mexico introduced a bill on Wednesday that would legally require victims of house break-ins not to replace stolen goods (VCRs, coffee makers, electronic dog groomers) to preserve empty areas as evidence for a robbery trial.
“Tampering with evidence is a terrible thing,” said State Representative Cathrynn Brown. “That’s all that this is about. Really. It has nothing to do with punishing people for not setting up elaborate security systems in their homes. Nope. Nothing at all.”
“I…I just want to watch the new episode of Once Upon a Time,” said recent robbery victim Magnolia Withrenderer.
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1123749596263400.xml]
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Talk About A Half-baked Policy!
Louise Marchand, the head of the Office quebecois de la langue francaise (Quebec Office of Language Police, so loosely translated that you should probably cinch it with a belt) has resigned following a series of embarrassing decisions that started with a demand that a restaurant remove the word “pasta” from its menu because it wasn’t French.
“Italian food gives me indigestion,” Marchand commented.
A week later, the Office of Punishing People Who Speak Words in a Language Other Than French (although that translation is so loose it should be rated X) threatened to prosecute a café because it called itself a “caffe.”
“I have nothing against Italians, really, I don’t,” Marchand insisted. “Coffee just keeps me up late.”
Commenting on the resignation, Minister Responsible for the Charter of the French Language Diane De Courcy said: “After becoming an international laughingstock, we’ve learned our lesson. I don’t imagine that there will be any more of these incidents, although, you know, I’ve never trusted the phrase ‘al fredo…'”
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2013/03/06/508387.html]
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