Thank you, K. Bob Shish, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we were offended by people who were offended by Seth MacFarlane hosting the Oscars. Have you never seen Family Guy? Being offended by MacFarlane being himself would be like being offended that the sun was hot! You wanna know what really bugged us? MacFarlane found a way to make the Oscars offensive as well as boring.
Now, that takes talent!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Worse: It’s Like Subsidizing The Bank Robbers While They Plan Their Next Heist
The Justice Department has announced that it will be investigating bond rating agencies for fraud in connection with the near collapse of the world economy. It has still not signaled its intention to investigate the banks that packaged the securities that were responsible for the near collapse of the world economy.
This is like arresting the driver of the getaway car while allowing the bank robbers to go free.
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=94ddccd7-f6f3-4f4f-9f52-a2eb4cc6a582]
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Sorry, But If You Don’t Switch To The New Version, We’ll Eventually Install It For You Anyway. Have A Nice Day!
Hey! We’ve got a fantastic new email programme for you!
The interface is completely different, so you’ll have to spend hours learning how to do what you already knew how to do! The programme will randomly mark read mail as unread, will restore deleted emails for no good reason and will arbitrarily notify you when you have new mail…or not. Oh, and the best part? The programme will integrate with all of the social media software our parent company owns, the better to really lock you into our system.
To make it easier for you, all you have to do is press the “SWITCH” button at the bottom of this email. To make it even easier than that, we’ll be sending you reminders, which will look suspiciously like copies of this email, every three minutes and 27 seconds until you press the “SWITCH” button. So, what do you say?
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418378150cahs01.html]
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Somebody Should Have Told Him That The Trick To Journeying To The Centre Of The Mind Is Planning On Coming Back…
Aah, Ted Nugent. If you hadn’t been born…well, there are enough crazies on the right to fill the void, so nobody would have had to invent you. Still.
It’s bad enough that a white man presumes to tell black people what’s in their best interests, but that’s a time-honoured tradition. What makes this statement crazy is the idea that lecturing blacks will somehow make more of them want to vote for right wing candidates. Are Republicans shooting for losing 100 per cent of the black vote in the next election cycle?
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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Apology Excepted
Deputy Mayor Doug Holyday has demanded that Toronto’s Integrity Commissioner, Janet Leiper, apologize to Mayor Rob Ford for suggesting a sanction against him that nearly cost him his job.
“Okay,” Leiper responded, rubbing her hands in anticipation. “I’m sorry that the Mayor won his court case on a technicality that didn’t actually touch on the substance of my complaint against him. Furthermore, I’m sorry that his allies have painted this as some sort of vindication when, in fact, it is no such thing. I’m really sorry about that.”
“Well, that’s alright the – WHAT?” Holyday responded. “What kind of apology is that?”
“The kind your lot give when they have no other option,” Leiper replied.
Holyday thought for a moment, then said, “Well, played, Integrity Commissioner. Well played.”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2012/02/26/433721.html]
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DETENTION DIARY: Gotta Move The Story Along – Only Three More Weeks To Bring It Home
WEEK FORTY-NINE
I looked at Pete, Chuck and Dieter and said, “I’m in.”
SOURCE: Harpo’s
[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/12/09/dd-9000049]
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Not To Mention Lawsuits
Phone company Telus is planning on creating original content for its network. The first show will be What’s My Medical Condition? Three players will compete to determine who can identify a celebrity guest’s illness first. Brave players will be eligible for a bonus round where the tables are turned and the celebrity guest will have to identify their illnesses.
What’s My Medical Condition? was made possible by Telus’ purchase of PS Suite EMR, Ontario’s largest provider of electronic medical records. “We had to find a way to monetize our investment,” explained Paul Lepage, President of Telus EMR. “Hilarity ensued.”
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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As Usual, The Oscars In My Head Were More Entertaining Than The Ones On My Television Screen
The five most controversial things Seth MacFarlane said at the Oscars:
1. “Wow, hard to believe that this bloated, self-congratulatory exercise in mutual masturbation and egos run amok is actually an effective four hour long advertisement for the Hollywood film industry!”
2. [nothing – he was immediately replaced by an empty chair]
3.
4.
5.
SOURCE: Entertainment For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/home.asp?did=541&dir=bb]
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To Show His Respect For Other Parties, Harper Will Only Eat Conservative Kittens
“It is really critical in Canada that, to the best of our ability, particularly those of us who are leaders, treat with the utmost respect the views and the differences we have with others,” said Prime Minister Stephen Harper. Umm, what?
This from the leader of the party that called then-NDP leader Layton “Taliban Jack” for suggesting that talks with the Taliban offered the best chance for peace in Afghanistan (and then adopted the policy a couple of years later)? Hard to see the utmost respect in claiming that Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff “didn’t come back for you” in the middle of a federal election.
The Absurd Ironyometer decided to watch a Downton Abbey marathon until the headache went away. It may have to watch many episodes more than once…
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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A Disney To The Groin Of A Noble Franchise
Details of the new Star Wars trilogy have slowly leaked out. Harrison Ford has signed on to reprise his role as Han Solo; it will be exciting to see him pilot the food cart in the Rebel Alliance Old Age Home.
Ford joins Mark Hamill, whose Luke Skywalker will be using the Force to pinch the bottoms of nurses and Carrie Fisher, whose Princess Leia will be pining for the days when she fit into a skimpy costume.
There’s no word if they will be the main characters of the films. We kind of hope not.
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2013/2013/02/23/noblemaybeoverstatingthecase/]
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