Thank you, depleted.picritic.shergottite.arg, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we had to wonder: why is the sandwich called a tuna melt when it’s actually the cheese that does the melting?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
The Wildrose Party Finds A Different Way Of Eliminating Hunger In Canada
@ElectDanielle: I agree. We all know thorough cooking kills E. Coli. What a waste. MT @lyechtel: Is there no way to cook it so its safe and feed the hungry?
SOURCE: Ending Trending Web Site
[http://endingtrending.blurgh/thorough-cooking-of-tainted-meat-would-just-thoroughly-cook-the-poor/]
more
On The Other Hand, A Classic Rock Song Would Never Have Been Written, So Perhaps It’s For The Best
Indiana Republican Senatorial candidate Richard Mourdock has apologized if anybody misinterpreted his argument against abortion when the woman has been raped: “I think that even when life begins in that horrible situation of rape, that it is something that god intended to happen.” He only meant the pregnancy was intended by god, not the rape.
In response, god said, “Yeah, if I had a dime for every man who claimed to know my mind, I would be able to afford to buy Janis Joplin a fleet of Mercedes Benzes!”
SOURCE: Cleveland Wheeler Dealer
[http://www.cleveland.ca/enter/index.ssf?/living/wheelerdealer/index.ssf%3fu/base/news/1105399800881462.xml]
more
To Zombie Or Not To Zombie – We Know At Least One Writer’s Answer
Margaret Atwood has announced that she will be co-writing a zombie novel. Although some people have greeted the announcement with skepticism, it just goes to show how versatile Atwood is: she can now claim she doesn’t write horror in addition to claiming that she doesn’t write science fiction.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.43.37/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
more
You Have A Mind As Sharp As A Bowl Full Of Overcooked Spaghetti
But, Don’t Take It The Wrong Way – I Like Mushy Spaghetti!
Okay, let’s see what we’ve got. A man compares immigrants to dogs. Not the craziest thing that’s ever been said – hell, not the craziest thing that’s been said this week (after all, Conrad Black was interviewed by a BBC journalist). Still, the man who said it popped out of the Bag of Crazy, so he must be a long-time resident.
But, who is he? I’m guessing he’s a Republican. Yeah, okay, that’s not a big stretch. Hmm…he got some attention from the media, so he probably isn’t a marginal figure in the party – I’m going to go with a Senator or a member of the House of Representatives.
Oh, come now, don’t be shy. Who could you possibly be?
Aha! If it isn’t Republican Representative Steve King! Nailed it!
Oh, and, justifying comparing immigrants to dogs by saying the statement was a compliment is just plain nuts. It’s nice to know that if a resident of the Bag of Crazy makes a borderline nutty statement, you just have to wait and sooner or later – but, usually sooner – they’ll follow it up with something truly detached from reality!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more
Good Thing The Economy Is Slowly Picking Up Again, Or I Would Be Worried
“ALTERNATIVE ENERGY
Vestas cuts jobs, trims shipment goal”
– Globe and Mail
“Bay, Shoppers cut jobs amid market changes”
– Globe and Mail
“BofA speeds job cuts in bid to shrink company”
– Globe and Mail
“Google plans wider Motorola job cuts”
– Globe and Mail
“Stratford lays off six staff amid ticket sales shortfall”
– Globe and Mail
“130 jobs cut at provincial parks in north”
– Toronto Star
“Revlon restructures, cuts 250 jobs”
– Globe and Mail
“Loblaw cuts 700 jobs at head office”
– Toronto Star
“DuPont cutting 1,5000 jobs; forecast slashed”
– Globe and Mail
“Casualties continue to pile up in phone wars
Former market leader Motorola joins RIM in cutting thousands of jobs”
– Toronto Star
“Alcatel-Lucent to cut 5,000 more jobs”
– Globe and Mail
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1076883721]
more
Not As Tasty As Facebook Eggplant, But Far More Amusing
Facebook faceplant: when somebody’s use of social media has the opposite effect than the one that the person intended. EXAMPLE: Explain to me, again, how the Senator thought posting his position on abortion was going to win him more votes? Man, some Facebook faceplants are just ugly!
Halloween: a time of year when people of all faiths, religions and beliefs are united…in a pagan celebration.
SOURCE: Michelle’s Obscure Pedantry Page
[http://www.MichellesOPP.ca/blogger.html]
more
DETENTION DIARY: Reality Is The Sworn Enemy Of Great Ideas
WEEK FORTY-FOUR
“We need to promote the cause,” I told the men after a few beers in The Naked Truth. “We need…an ad campaign.”
Dieter nodded to himself. I could tell what he was thinking: Yep, this is what we get for letting a crazy person join our movement. That, or, I’m gonna pay for eating those nachos – I really need to find a more effective antacid! Pete snorted. Chuck ordered himself another beer. I knew this was going to be a hard sell going in, but I was a professional – okay, emphasis on the “was,” but still – and I was ready for it.
“Look,” I explained, “we all agree that the government is out of control, that the people need to take it back.” [EMPLOY THE POTENTIAL CLIENT’S FRAME OF REFERENCE.] “The problem is that even though it would benefit the average person, they still cling to the corrupt two party system.” [OUTLINE THE PROBLEM A PROMOTIONAL CAMPAIGN IS MEANT TO SOLVE IN AS SIMPLE AND STRAIGHTFORWARD A WAY AS POSSIBE.] “We need an ad campaign to convince the public that our cause is their cause.” [HIT THE POTENTIAL CLIENT WITH YOUR UNIQUE SELLING PROPOSITION.]
“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Chuck responded, only slurring his words a little bit. “Educate the dumbass masses! We need a propaganda campaign!”
“It’s not propaganda,” I argued. “It’s repositioning Brand Patriot.”
Pete looked like he was about to object when a skinny redhead in faux military fatigues took the stage and awkwardly took her clothes off while playing with a rifle to the tune “America the Beautiful.” I understood from previous evenings at the club that, even though none of the group liked skinny women or redheads, it was our patriotic duty to watch her perform, so I held my tongue.
“Propaganda or not, we don’t need an ad campaign,” Pete assured me when the number had finished.
“Why not?” I asked.
“Because the Tea Party is already promoting our brand for us,” he pointed out.
“But -” I started, but Pete cut me off.
“Waste of time and money,” he insisted. “But, I’m sure we can find another use for you…”
SOURCE: Harpo’s
[http://harpos.org/archive/2012/11/04/dd-9000044]
more
Snark Will Get You Through Times Of No Good Movies Better Than Good Movies Will Get You Through Times Of No Snark
Here Comes the Boom: more like a small pop
Chasing Mavericks: Bart would not approve
Taken 2: not taken with
In Their Skin: out of their minds
You’ve Been Trumped: you should have been dumped
Alex Cross: one can see why he’s angry
SOURCE: Five Second Movie Reviews
[http://www.5secmovrev.com/NOW.htm]
more
Puberty/Vaccination – This Is Turning Into Fine Line Week!
Some parents are refusing to allow their young daughters to be injected with HPV vaccine, which protects against certain types of virus that cause cancer, because it is transmitted sexually. They fear that if their daughters have the shot, they will become sexually active. The evidence is overwhelming.
BEFORE VACCINATION: wears bulky, unrevealing sweaters and skirts that go down to the floor.
AFTER VACCINATION: wears torn Dead Kennedy t-shirts and short shorts with no underwear. That’s right: no underwear!
BEFORE: tells you everything.
AFTER: tells you where to go if you dare ask about anything.
BEFORE: gets a rub-on tattoo of a smiley face.
AFTER: gets a permanent tattoo of Aleister Crowley performing unnatural acts on a blow-up doll.
BEFORE: likes to read about sparkly vampires.
AFTER: wants to be a female Nosferatu.
BEFORE: washes the dishes without being asked.
AFTER: throws dishes at your head if you dare ask.
BEFORE: listens to Pat Boone.
AFTER: listens to Pat Benatar.
Don’t take any chances! Don’t give in to the medical vaccine fascists! Keep your girl child away from any medical professional who would undermine her respect for your authority with suspect “treatments!”
SOURCE: Focus Against the Family
[http://www.jackedinonline.com/ratingssystems/ratingssystems/a0002443.cfm]
more