Thank you, Rich Christiansen, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, first, a man in Florida was shot dead while eating another man’s face, another man who was very much alive at the time. Now, a second bloody body part has been intercepted on its way to a political party’s headquarters in Ottawa.
This is Stephen King’s world. We just die in it.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Are They Syriaous?
| 1. | Does the United States refuse to intervene in Syria? | |
| YES | 2. | The regime of Bashar al-Assad will consolidate its grip on power, resulting in the death of thousands of people, mostly civilians, and millions of people becoming refugees. |
| NO | 3. | Does the United States choose to tighten sanctions on Syria? |
| YES | 4. | Do the sanctions weaken the al-Assad government? |
| YES | 5. | Syria descends into civil war. |
| NO | GO TO 3 | |
| NO | 6. | Does the United States invade Syria? |
| YES | GO TO 5 | |
| NO | 7. | Does the United States convince NATO to invade Syria? |
| YES | GO TO 5 | |
| NO | 8. | Does the United States convince the United Nations to invade Syria? |
| YES | GO TO 5 | |
| NO | GO TO 1 |
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=749&dir=bb]
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Dalton McGuinty – Wasn’t He The Actor In The James Bond Films That Nobody Liked?
Ontario Premier Dalton McGuinty has taken another principled stand. First, he cut fees to doctors in an effort to stop the rise of medical costs in the province. Now, he insists that Catholic schools must abide by provincial rules on gay-straight alliances.
The Premier is sending a message to the province. And, the message is: I’m not planning to run for re-election and I don’t care what happens to the Liberal Party when I’m gone, so have some policies and good luck to you all.
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2012/PROVINCIALPOLITICS/05/28/reps.main/index.html]
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And, When I Say Defame, I Mean Criticize
And, When I Say I Mean Criticize, I Mean Look At Funny
“To defame Israel is to defame Jews.”
– Hillel Harkin
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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The Government Decided To Put Millionaires Out Of Their Misery
Collective bargaining in Canada has died with legislation calling for Canadian Pacific Railway employees to end a legal strike. This comes after attacks on the heart of postal worker and Air Canada employee unions.
Surviving unions are demanding an investigation into the death, claiming that collective bargaining was murdered by the Harper Government of Canada. So far, though, the RCMP is saying that collective bargaining died of natural economic causes.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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The Game Is So Casual, You Could Wear It As Slacks
How competitive is casual gaming becoming? New games have started invading older games.
Take Occupy the Farmville, in which the player is an organizer of anti-corporate agriculture protests. The player chooses from four different press releases, which it plants in various media. If it chooses well, a crop of sign-wielding protestors grows overnight. When enough time has passed for the organizer to feel it has enough protestors, it sends them to the largest, most successful farms in the original Farmville to chant vaguely coherent slogans and block roads to keep trucks from going to market.
“We thought the original game needed a reality check,” Occupy the Farmville creator Sergei Rashputnikopf commented.
“Expect a cease and desist order from my lawyer, like, yesterday!” retorted Farmville creator Mark Pincus. “That a good enough reality check for you, pal?”
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/120421/geeklynews/01[more].htm]
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The Plane Truth
Critics of the Harper Government of Canada are questioning how its plans to end debate on the F-35 procurement fiasco in Parliament’s Public Accounts Committee can be justified in light of its election pledge for more open and transparent government.
Oh, I don’t know. The Conservative government’s motives seem pretty transparent to me…
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
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Talk About Closing The Barn Door After The Athlete Has Bolted!
Jamaican sprinter Usain Bolt has ended his relationship with his girlfriend in order to prepare for the London Games. Jokes about Bolt being the fastest man alive pretty much write themselves, don’t they?
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/monologue]
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If The Interview Had Been Any More Probing, It Would Have Been On Mars
Partial transcript of an interview between Piers Morgan and Monsoon Dray-Hoss, author of What Wear: Even When They Cover Your Entire Body, Your Clothes Can be Very Revealing. The first edition remaindered paperback is about how clothes communicate the thoughts and emotions of the people wearing them, not always with their knowledge or consent.
PIERS MORGAN: So, you’re saying that the clothes we choose to wear communicate messages to people?
MONSOON DRAY-HOSS: That is correct.
MORGAN: And, what is the message of what you are wearing?
MONSOON DRAY-HOSS: What I’m wearing right now?
MORGAN: That’s right.
MONSOON DRAY-HOSS: The message of what I am currently wearing is: “I don’t want to communicate with you.”
MORGAN: So, you’re communicating your intention not to communicate?
MONSOON DRAY-HOSS: I should have thought the hole in the elbow of my sleeve and the…beigeness of my entire ensemble would have made that obvious.
MORGAN: Fascinating.
SOURCE: Drew’s Transcript-o-rama
[http://www.transcript-o-rama.com/morganhasnopiers.shtml]
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One Tom Collins Who Is Obviously Not A Mixer
Catholic Cardinal Tom Collins has struck back against an Ontario anti-bullying initiative that would require publicly funded Catholic schools to create gay-straight alliances if students asked for them.
“I asked myself what would Jesus do?” Collins stated. “And, scripture is clear on this point: he would throw stones at faggots on football fields when none of the teachers were looking, piss on their lockers in the middle of the night and write derogatory things about them on Facebook. And, anything that the provincial government might do to stop this would be an infringement on my religious right to hate whomever I choose!”
Cardinal Collins added that, if allowed to stand, this anti-bullying law could affect any religion. “Does the Old Testament command Jews to hate people with red hair? Well, that right of worship might not last. Does the Koran teach Muslims that people who laugh at their own jokes are an abomination unto the lord? Try teaching your children that in the future! If we don’t stop the government right here, right now, who knows where the right to religious hatred will end up?”
SOURCE: Yellow Triangle Blues
[http://ytb.gay/May_2012/alliances.htm]
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