Thank you, Cherry O’Sohn, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we heard Iggy Pop’s rendition of Edith Piaf’s “La Vie en Rose.” Our doctors say our ears should stop bleeding in a couple of weeks.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Somebody Is Obviously Unclear On The Con – OWW! MY NOSE!
To celebrate World Press Freedom Day, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford was given a world press award. When he was asked to give a speech, his face turned red with fury.
“There are journalists here?” he shouted. Turning to the journalists, he shook his fist and screamed: “You blood-sucking leeches better stop hounding me, or there will be consequences! Do you hear me? THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2012/05/12/509727.html]
more
In This War, You’re Either For The Ventriloquist Comedians, Or You’re Against Them
HEADLINING ALL WEEK: Jaffir al-Dunham. You’ve seen video of Alan, the Incompetent Drone Pilot who bombed his own bunker (no mean feet considering the drone was supposed to be 10,000 miles away!) on YouTube. Now, see Alan, and all of Jaffir al-Dunham’s other hilarious characters live! Well…as live as dead drone pilot can be!
SOURCE: Titters Comedy Club
[http://www.titters.com/info/TittersClubs/ElginClub/elgComingSoon.cfm]
more
International Trade Policy Collapses Like A Ton Of BRICS
“Canada missing boat on trade with BRICS”
– Globe and Mail
“Time for us to put the BRICS to rest”
– Toronto Star
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1126505074
more
Some People Are Born To Hateness, Some Have Hateness Thrust Upon Them
Generally speaking, the Bag of Crazy is reserved for public figures like politicians and pundits. Is this elitism? After all, a person that nobody has ever heard of can be just as crazy as Glenn Beck or Michelle Bachmann, can’t they? Oh, sure, Rush Limbaugh has a greater reach than an ordinary person, but there are far more ordinary people than there are Rush Limbaughs. Surely, their collective crazy can do almost as much damage.
I’d like to thank Jane Svoboda, who used the platform of a Lincoln Nebraska city council debate on a proposed LGBT protection ordinance, for reminding us all that crazy doesn’t need to hold a press conference in an election for public office or appear on 500 radio stations. Crazy…well, crazy is a state of mind that even the least famous among us can aspire to.
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
more
They Were Listening To Gang Of Four When They Wrote The Report
The Commission for Public Complaints Against the RCMP reported that Canada’s national police acted in a “reasonable and appropriate” fashion during the G20 summit. “In fact,” wrote Ian McPhail, Interim Chair of the Commission, “they looked dreamy in their uniforms. With their high cheekbones and bulging muscles – oooooooooh! It makes me weak in the knees just closing my eyes and thinking about them!”
McPhail blamed police violence and mass arrests of innocent civilians on city and provincial police. “In their frumpy, unkempt uniforms,” he wrote, “you could just tell that they were trouble!”
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20120514.eladvote0102_@/BNStory/newsPublicSafetyOops2012/]
more
Bet On It!
Everybody settles when it comes to urban development. YOU WANT: a sophisticated, billion dollar integrated resort which will be a multifaceted entertainment destination that will revitalize the city’s waterfront. YOU’LL SETTLE FOR: a glitzy casino that will increase the city’s revenues. YOU’LL GET: a shabby tourist trap that will destroy families by increasing gambling addiction and drain the city’s resources by attracting criminals to the downtown core.
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more
Forward Going, Backward Looking
Pardon Me If I’m Going Forward, But…
There is a seven-point plan going forward.
We are very committed to ensuring that there will be no gap with respect to our ability to provide air fighter capabilities for Canada going forward.
When it comes to the close combat vehicle procurement, this procurement is going forward exactly as it should.
I should also say that going forward we are dealing with estimates.
I think there is no doubt that Canada is in a strong and enviable position going forward.
It has already started and will continue to flow because people with money to invest look at countries that are safe, reliable and predictable in their plans going forward.
It is important that as we go forward, we go forward with programs that respect the use of taxpayers’ money as well as their needs.
That is a matter that can be discussed as we go forward with respect to the disposition of assets.
Data gathering and reporting procedures were amended to report this information in the Public Accounts of Canada on a go forward basis
Research and development is one of the pillars of our economy as we go forward.
The government is going forward with a greening government program.
We will ascertain the facts that he chose as necessary in decision making going forward.
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/847.html]
more
Queers Against Israeli Naughtiness Actually Sounds Kind Of Kinky
Queers Against Israeli Apartheid is set to return to Toronto’s Pride Parade. The organization’s spokespeople point out that City Manager Joe Pennachetti has determined that there is no legal precedent to suggest the term constitutes a hate crime or is a violation of the provincial human rights code.
“The term is hateful and inaccurate,” argued Howard English, senior vice president of the Centre for Israel and Jewish Affairs. “Israel does not oppress the Palestinians the way South Africa used to oppress blacks. Israel oppresses Palestinians in a completely different way than South Africa used to oppress blacks. Give us some credit for originality, why don’t you?”
SOURCE: The Arad Post
[http://www.apost.com/servlet/Satellite?pagename=APost/APArticle/ShowFull&cid=1698041590795]
more
Peek-a-boo, I See You…YOU TERRORIST BASTARD!
Alberta Conservative MP Blake Richards’ private members’ bill seeking to criminalize the wearing of a mask or other disguise while committing an illegal act during participation in an unlawful assembly has come under criticism from an unexpected source: parents of young children.
“For the last couple of years, I have taken my sons and their friends out trick or treating,” said stay at home stock car driver Alberto Ficus. “But, the act could be considered extortion, and the group could be considered an unlawful assembly, and they’re only 7 and 9! Just to be safe, this year I’m just going to take the two of them treat or treating.”
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/notforyou.htm]
more