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The Daily Me Staff
Those Wascawy Consewvatives!
As part of its plan to make Canada safe for gun manufacturers, the Conservative government is planning to declare sniper rifles and similar weapons “non-restricted.”
“This is absowutewy necessawy,” said famed hunter Elmer Fudd. “Those wascawy wabbits awe using mowe and mowe sophisticated anti-huntew techniques. They use miniatuwe camewas to guawd they’we howes, and I heaw they’we planning to buy Pwedatow dwones to pwotect the fowest. Pwedatow dwones! How am I supposed to hunt wabbite with pwedatow dwones in the sky?”
No rabbits were available for comment.
SOURCE: Glob and Maul
[http://www.globandmaul.com/servlet/story/RTGAM.20111102.eladvote1102_@/BNStory/PolicyDropsWithAFudd2011/]
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Misses Absurd Ironyometer Now Serves Breakfast Wearing A Hazmat Suit
According to Republican budget maven and man who knows how to deal with a one-pin/ten-pin split Paul Ryan, President Obama is being divisive by pointing out that the income gap between rich and poor is too great and calling for higher taxes on the wealthiest of Americans to address the problem. That is to say, somebody whose sole allegiance since getting elected has been to the wealthiest one per cent of Americans is calling somebody whose position is supported by 66 per cent of Americans “divisive.”
The Absurd Ironyometer spit up its morning coffee with a force that could be best described as “nuclear.”
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
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To Celebrate Ford’s Appearance, A Dozen Drug Dealers, Only One Of Whom Was A Four Year-old Girl, Were Executed Outside The Stadium
Twenty people dressed up like Mary Walsh alter-ego Marg Delahunty and protested the Rob Ford administration outside Toronto City Hall. But, the joke was on them.
Mayor Ford was in Mexico for the Commonwealth Games, where he basked in the adulation he hadn’t earned of people who had no idea who he was and who, in any case, don’t have to live with the consequences of his policies.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1058591020813
&call_pageid=968394078432&col=960236972174]
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Gazebo Oh!
First, there was the G20 gazebo in Tony Clement’s riding. Then, there was Rob Ford’s business cards. Thinking about these things made me wonder: why are people on the right so protective of the public purse only up until the moment they actually get their hands on it?
SOURCE: Ottawa Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/OttawaStunned/News/2011/11/02/509727.html]
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Dummy From Another Mummy…
Historical Comma From Another Momma…
Hearty Guffaw From Another Ma…
Prater From Another Mater…
And Proud Of It!
“I am the Koch brothers’ brother from another mother and proud of it.”
– Herman Cain
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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I Said: Almost! It Would ALMOST Be Worth It!
Flaherty Groupies, Please, Stop With The Angry Emails, Already!
You know, it would almost be worth having the Euro Zone collapse if it would mean I wouldn’t have to see Finance Minister Jim Flaherty’s face on the front page of the newspaper every morning!
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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It’s A Zuccotti Out There!
Things the Occupy Wall Street protesters have been called:
- Ivy League nerds
- out of work wastrels with too much time on their hands
- professional agitators paid for by ACORN
- incoherent and unfocused
- a ragtag group looking for sex, drugs and rock ‘n’roll
- left-over hippies trying to recapture the protests of their youth
- a mob
Things you’re not likely to hear the critics of the Occupy Wall Street protestors called:
- ignorant
- consistently willing to mislead the public about important issues
- professional agitators paid for by wealthy corporate backers
- left-over neo-cons trying to capture even more of the country’s wealth
- Koch-heads
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/news/international/footnotes-on-the-margins/]
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Keep Him From The Greek!
Greek Prime Minister George Papandreou has agreed to give up his job as part of talks to allow a coalition government to form to deal with the country’s debt crisis. Unfortunately, few members of his opposition want to join a coalition, fearing that they will be blamed for the extreme austerity measures that are unpopular with the Greek people.
“Don’t be so quick to rule out a coalition,” said Bob Rae, interim leader of the…the…it’s a Canadian political party…it was very big in the past, even formed a few governments – dammit, it’s on the tip of my tongue! Well, anyway, he – whoever he is – went on to say, “Sometimes, the consequences of not forming a coalition are worse than forming the damn thing.”
All the time he was speaking, Rae seemed to be rubbing a sore chin.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2011/11/02/tossingthegreeksalad090623]
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All Things Considered, I’m Sure He’d Rather Be In Philadelphia (Or, In A Worst Case Scenario, On NPR)
Former 60 Minutes crankypants Andy Rooney has died at the age of 92. What’s up with that? I mean, have you ever thought about death – really thought about it? Scary proposition, right? Or, is it? Philosophers throughout the ages have pondered death’s meaning, but that and 35 cents will get you a corned beef sandwich at Katz’s Delicatessen! Can you eat corned beef when you die? I seem to recall that Katz’s delivers, but, after you die, would you have access to a phone to place the order? Talking about death makes a lot of people lose their appetites, but it seems to me that you would probably want a corned beef after you kick the bucket – death is hungry work. And, besides, wouldn’t that be the best time to get your sandwich extra fatty? After all, you wouldn’t have to watch your cholesterol – what’s the worst that could happen? The corned beef could kill you a second time? Oh, and another thing…
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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Democracy? I Do Not Than’ That Word Means What You Than’ It Means…
Israeli soldiers have been accused of beating up Canadians on The Tahrir, a ship trying to breach Israel’s naval blockade of Gaza.
“Look,” said Adam Mishnik, Israeli Defense Department spokesman and somebody who is absolute rubbish at dealing with the with a one-pin/ten-pin split, “the Canadian government should be beating up its own anti-Israeli citizens. If your government is falling down on its democratic duty to support Israel, can you blame us for stepping into the breach?”
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2008Apr14.html]
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