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The Daily Me Staff
Let Ford Put Himself In The Driver’s Seat
So far, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has refused to release to the public the recording of his profane 911 call. And, it’s a good thing, too; there’s only one way this could end.
- the tape is copied on blogs, Web sites and as a free gift in select cereal boxes
- the tape is mixed with video of cats playing various instruments, cartoon explosions and Hitler’s rant from the film Downfall, then posted on YouTube
- the tape is mashed up with songs by Green Day, King Crimson and Moby and released as singles on iTunes
- a mashup of the tape with a medley of Shirley Bassey hits is chosen to be the theme for the new James Bond movie
- a mashup of the tape with a song by Justin Bieber becomes the biggest seller on iTunes for five minutes and subsequently wins a Juno Award for Best Duet
And, will Justin Bieber or the producers of the James Bond film share any of the money they will make from their successful mashups with Ford? Fuck no! So, the Mayor just isn’t going to give them (or anybody else) the material to work with!
SOURCE: The Matrixxx
[http://www.thematrixxxto.com/news/city/fuck-the-fucking-fuckers/]
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I Don’t Care What You Say – George Clooney Is Still Worth Every Penny
Samuel L. Jackson has been named the highest grossing actor of all time. He has starred in over 100 films – including three Star Wars films and several Marvel comics adaptations – that have collectively taken in a total of $7.4 billion at the box office.
“Umm,” Steven Spielberg, of DreamWorks SKG, asked, “if that’s the case, what are we paying Tom Cruise all that money for?”
SOURCE: Entertainment Right Now
[http://www.entertainmentrightnow.com/mini/smug2011/2011/10/30/clooneyismooneybutjacksoniswhacksome/]
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Bachmann On The Chain Gang
Timeline for the Destruction of a Republican Presidential Primary Candidate’s Campaign:
Five senior (read: paid) staffers in the headquarters of Michele Bachmann’s New Hampshire campaign quit.
Bachmann’s national office denies that anybody has quit.
A letter written by one of the staffers on behalf of them all is sent out saying that, yes, they did quit, and calling her national campaign advisers, “rude, unprofessional, dishonest and at times cruel.”
Bachmann’s national office insists that nobody has quit in New Hampshire, saying that anybody can write a letter pretending to be a disgruntled staffer.
YOU ARE HERE: Bachmann’s national campaign admits that two (not five) staffers have quit her New Hampshire campaign, but that otherwise things are going swimmingly.
Bachmann’s national campaign staff admits that all five staffers quit the New Hampshire campaign, but insists that they are courteous, professional, honest and kind to small children and puppies.
Bachmann’s national campaign staff cries.
Bachmann cries.
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=735&dir=bb]
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Clearly
A recent Gozby PollTM shows that only 73 per cent of Americans believe that they belong to the 99 per cent who, by definition, are not part of the top one per cent of wealthy people in the country.
“I…I think,” Garten Gozby said of the poll results, “that some people are unclear on the concept!”
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2007/ALLPOLITICS/07/28/reps.main/index.html]
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That Joke Is A Killer
2 ghoul for school) What does the following image represent?
a) lunch rush at the Queen’s Park cafeteria
b) the finish line at the Toronto Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon
c) Occupy Transylvania
d) what Marg Delahunty looked like to Mayor Rob Ford
e) other
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Somewhere, Somebody Is Laughing His Bourassa Off
Jacques Duchesneau, an outspoken investigator who exposed well-connected corruption in Quebec’s construction industry, has been fired from his position at the Quebec permanent anti-corruption unit.
Apparently, the anti-corruption unit wasn’t as permanent as the government claimed.
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2011/10/28/nocharestofhope098825]
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We Had To Kill The Civilians To Save The Civilians
It Has A…Nostalgic Ring To It
“Umm, yes, okay, we did kill hundreds, perhaps thousands of children in bombing raids in Libya. But, some day, they’ll thank us.”
“How can they thank us? We killed them!”
“Okay, then, their children will thank us.”
“How can their children thank us? We killed them before they were old enough to have children!”
“Okay, then, their parents will thank us.”
“Do you have children?”
“Yes.”
“Would you be grateful to people who killed them?”
“Okay, then, some day, history will thank us.”
“Do you ever listen to yourself talk?”
“I…I try not to. I find it easier to stay focused that way…”
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Giving You Airtime Would Be Like Giving A Cocaine Addict A Book Contract
“Giving the federal government more money would be like giving a cocaine addict more cocaine.”
– House Speaker John Boehner
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Some Politicians Will Go To Ridiculous Lengths To Keep A Campaign Promise
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has defended his practice of outsourcing the printing of business cards for himself and his staff to his family’s printing company, costing taxpayers up to four times as much per card as traditional printing.
“When I was running for office, I said that I would get rid of the gravy in the city’s budget,” Ford stated. “Since I couldn’t actually find any, I decided to create some gravy so that I could get rid of it. No need to thank me. It’s just my job.”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2011/10/29/503647.html]
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Or, They Could Just Be Thin-skinned Dickwads
Oligarch Intensive Sensitivity Syndrome (OISS) occurs in less than one per cent of the population, but it tends to be virulent in those who have it. The syndrome is characterized by an acute sensitivity to criticism that often leads to public displays of self-pity. Whiny, self-indulgent public displays of self-pity. OISS sufferers often seek comfort in the drugs of using friends in the media to destroy their critics or mounting a massive publicity campaign reminding the public of the great things the sufferer’s corporate holdings accomplish. There is no known cure for OISS, although some research suggests that a social revolution can mitigate its worst symptoms. SEE ALSO: Heightened Compulsive Entitlement Syndrome.
Excerpt from: The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fourth Edition (DSM-IV)
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-473418cahs01.html]
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