More Like A Sadist’s Dungeon
“I will be accused of living in a fantasy land.”
– Don Drummond, Chair, Ontario Commission on Government Spending Cuts
It’s Not Like They’re Proposing To Wrap You
(However Beneficial The Effect On The Gene Pool Would Have Been)
“Who do they think they are that they can impose their art upon us?”
– unnamed American citizen objecting to a proposed art project by Christo and Jeanne-Claude to install fabric panels over 42 miles of the Arkansas River in Colorado
On The Other Hand, If I Thought That The Woman’s Signature Was…Required In Order For A Man To Have A Vasectomy, I Would Get All Medieval On People’s Asses
“If I thought that the man’s signature was required…in order for a woman to have an abortion, I’d have a little more peace about it…”
– Alaska Republican Representative Alan Dick
Okay, Well, Umm, Light Rail Is Far Less Expensive Than Subwa –
“La La La! I Can’t Hear You! Still Flapping Your Gums? You’re Wasting Your Time!”
Sigh
“I think we need to have a mature conversation about how to fund that…”
– Toronto City Councillor Paul Anslie on transit expansion
A Fehrenstrom Of Criticism Leaves Romney Campaign All Shook Up
“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign. Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch A Sketch. You can kind of shake it up and restart all over again.”
– senior Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney aide Eric Fehrenstrom
And, Then I Would Have Saved The President From An Assassin’s Bullet
And, Then I Would Have Solved The Problem Of Global Warming
And, Then I Would Have Found The Lost City Of Atlantis
And, Then, I Would Have – Man, This Imaginary Macho Stuff Is Fun, Isn’t It?
“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in the first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.'”
– actor Mark Wahlberg on the alternate reality in which he was on one of the planes that were flown into the World Trade Centre
THE GOOD NEWS: The Focus Group Loved This Answer
THE BAD NEWS: It Was Made Up Of The Koch Brothers And Their Friends
“Lemme tell ya something. America is a great nation, because we’re a united nation and those who are trying to divide the nation as you’re trying to do here and as the president is doing are hurting this country, seriously. The right course for America is not to divide America, and try and divide us between one and another, it’s for us to come together as a nation. And if you’ve got a better model, if you think China is better, or Russia is better, or Cuba’s better, or North Korea’s better, I’m glad to hear all about it. But you know what? America’s right, and you’re wrong.”
– Mitt Romney, answering a protester who asked him: “What will you do to support the 99 percent even though you are part of the 1 percent?”
Big Talk For A Guy Who Appears To Have Been Born With A Clenched Butt…
“As far as I’m concerned, the TTC needs an enema.”
– Councillor Doug Ford
Would That Make Your Coverage Of Iraq’s Weapons Of Mass Destruction A Credibility Avalanche?
“Every time we get a name wrong, we chip away at the Times’ credibility.”
– New York Times standards editor Philip B. Corbett
Demanding…Receiving…It’s A Fine Line…
“But some amount of transparency from all those environmental groups that demand ‘transparency’ from everyone else is a reasonable ambition as well.”
– Rex Murphy, National Post
Somebody Seems To Be In Touch With His Inner Romney!
“These people are all two steps left of Joe Stalin”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on his opposition on City Council
Have You Ever Wondered Why We Don’t Allow Family Members Of Victims Of Violent Crimes To Write The Criminal Code?
“Each assassin should have the right to a rope in his cell to make a decision about his or her life.”
– Conservative Senator Pierre-Hugues Boisvenu
The Aspirational Haves, As It Were
Proto-Haves, If You Will
The Glass Have Fulls, You Might Say
“This is not a nation of the haves and have nots. It’s the haves and soon to haves.”
– Indiana Governor Mitch Daniels
So, They Will Catch Up With Supermarkets, Then
“Farmers’ markets are great… One day, they are going to kill some people, though.”
– Loblaw Executive Chairman Galen Weston
Good To See Sun TV Raising The Level Of Discourse In This Country
“Hey…Manuel Rodriguez, chinga tu madre.”
– Ezra Levant expressing his feelings about Chiquita Brands’ International Senior Vice President’s position on the Canadian oilsands
These Facts Got Hair Plugs, And They Don’t Care Who Knows It!
“The facts that are being employed here aren’t meant to function baldly as ‘facts.'”
– Jim Fingal, responding to fact-checker John D’Agata’s questions about an article he submitted to The Believer
Ayatollah Khomeini Considered For A Moment, Then Replied, “He Makes A Strong Argument…”
“I don’t believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute… The First Amendment means the free exercise of religion and that means bringing people and their faith into the public square.”
– Republican Presidential hopeful Rick Santorum in an interview on ABC’s This Week
Of Course, That’s Also A Definition Of Being A Hypnotized Chicken
“Excellence in a bureaucracy…is the ability to put forth the positions that are consistent with those adopted by the mayor.”
– Toronto City Councillor Frank Do Giorgio
And, They’ll Be Sure To Get Right On That…As Soon As They Stop Laughing Their Asses Off
“Now that it finds itself more beleaguered than ever, the C-Suite has to proactively and consistently engage the public with genuine demonstrations of honesty, integrity and ethical behaviour.”
– Dan Ovsey, Financial Post
This Is What You Get When Facts Aren’t Meant To Function Baldly As “Facts”
“It’s not a forecast. It’s a description of they economy right now, which means it has information for which we don’t yet have data.”
– CIBC World Markets Chief Economist Avery Shenfeld on…well, does it really matter what he was talking about?