You Definitely Are Hopeless
About What Is A Matter Of Some Speculation
“Call me a hopeless optimist, but I actually still think we can get it done.”
– President Obama on fiscal hiccup negotiations
Your Hopelessness, On The Other Hand, Is Obvious To All
“How we get there, god only knows.”
– House Speaker John Boehner on fiscal hiccup negotiations
But, We Already Give Them Yachts And Limos – What More Could They Want?
“This isn’t to advocate that bullying shouldn’t be punished – it certainly should be. But we should also be offering bullies alternatives to hurting others to get what they want.”
– Anthony Volk
It’s Just Immigrants We Hate
“This government is very pro-immigration.”
– Stephen Harper
Has Adam Sandler Heard This?
“Apart from the fact that your physical ability starts to decline, I also think someone in their 50s being childlike becomes a little sad.”
– Rowan Atkinson explaining why he will stop playing Mr. Bean
“If You Won’t Play Nice, I’m Gonna Take My Assault Rifles And Automatic Pistols And Hand Grenades And Go Home!”
“If it’s a panel that’s just going to be made up of a bunch of people that, for the last 20 years, have been trying to destroy the Second Amendment, I’m not interested in sitting on that panel.”
– NRA Chief Executive Wayne LaPierre
Who Do You Think Republican Lawmakers Are More Likely To Listen To?
“It is no secret we had a number of Republicans damage our brand this year with offensive, bizarre comments – enough of that… It’s not going to be the last time anyone says something stupid within our party, but it can’t be tolerated within our party. We’ve also had enough of this dumbed-down conservatism. We need to stop being simplistic, we need to trust the intelligence of the American people and we need to stop insulting the intelligence of the voters.”
– Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal
“The president was committed; elected on the basis that he was not Romney and Romney was a poopy head and you should vote against Romney and he won by two points.”
– conservative lobbyist Grover Norquist
The Evidence Couldn’t Be Clearer:
He Doesn’t Plan On Running For Public Office Ever Again (In This Or Any Other Life)
“Climate change is real. Given the frequency of these extreme weather situations that we’ve had – and I believe that it’s an increasing frequency – for us to sit here today and say this is once-in-a-generation and it’s not going to happen again, I think, would be short-sighted.”
– New York Governor Andrew Cuomo
Didn’t Get A High Grade In Compassion Class, Did We?
“Resources don’t fall like manna from heaven. If the disabled kids get more, other kids won’t.”
– Karen Selick, opponent of a Supreme Court decision awarding compensation to a family whose son switched to private school after a B. C. public school board cut off a learning-disability programme
If It Leads To The Cancellation Of The Show, I May Have To Reconsider My Rejection Of The Concept Of A Just And Merciful God
“If you watch Two and a Half Men, please stop. I don’t want to be on it. Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth.”
– Angus T. Jones, having found religion, critiques the show that pays him $350,000 a week
Oh, I Wouldn’t Count Greed And Ignorance Out So Quickly…
“The Catholic Church has steadfastly opposed the [reproductive health] bill for 13 years. But, I humbly submit this afternoon that there is no force more powerful than an idea whose time has come.”
– Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago about a bill to provide government funding for contraceptives and sex education classes
“You Don’t Want Me In Your Treehouse? Well, I Never Wanted To Be A Member Of Your Stupid Club, Anyway! Nyah Nyah!”
“He wanted to be president less than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. He had no desire…to run.”
– Tagg Romney on his father Mitt’s political ambitions
And, Clearly, All Those People Who Were Telling Me I Had A Conflict Just Hate Orphans
“I was focused on raising money for underprivileged youth. I never believed there was a conflict of interest because I had nothing to gain and the city had nothing to lose.”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on the actions that got him kicked out of office
They’re Wrong, But That’s Not The Issue I’ve Been Told To Address In This Apology…
“To everyone who believes I should have done this differently, I sincerely apologize.”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on the actions that got him kicked out of office
Good Thing There Are So Many Mal-formed Christian Consciences About, Then
“A well-formed Christian conscience does not permit one to vote for a political program that contradicts fundamental contents of faith and morals. Some candidates and one party have even chosen some of these as their party’s or their personal political platform. To vote for someone in favour of these positions means that you could be morally ‘complicit’ with these choices which are intrinsically evil. This could put your own soul in jeopardy.”
– American Bishop David Ricken
Aaaaand, When Was The Last Time A Commercial Advertiser Was Penalized For False Claims?
“I don’t see how anybody can be exposed to all of this [political campaign] advertising and not have it affect your view. It’s not good for advertising in general. I’d love to have a law, quite honestly, that says if advertising is patently false you’re going to be penalized for it… Why can’t we do with political advertising what we do in commercial advertising?”
– Burt Manning, former chair of the American Association of Advertising
Agencies
All Three Of Them?
“Such a conflict makes it timely to tally up people of Jewish ancestry who live here, especially in the Hungarian parliament and the Hungarian government, who, indeed, pose a national security risk to Hungary.”
– Hungarian Parliamentarian Marton Gyongyosi, a member of the far-right Jobbik party, weighs in on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict