Or, Apparently, Facts
“We’re not going to let our campaign be dictated by fact-checkers.”
– Neil Newhouse, pollster for Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney
Coming To A Fall Lineup Near You: All Adorable Kittens Doing Silly Things (In An Adorable Way) Videos All The Time!
“I think we’re going to transition with our comedy programming and, you know, try to broaden the audience and broaden what the network does. You know, those Thursday comedies, which the critics love and we love, tend to be a bit more narrow than we’d ultimately like as we go forward.”
– NBC Entertainment Chairman Robert Greenblatt
And, The Alarm Sounds Like Gunfire!
“The English are waking up!”
– alleged PQ rally killer Richard Henry Bain
Funny – Toronto Fans Feel The Same Way About You
“I don’t think ESPN knows a single thing about hockey.”
– Toronto Maple Leafs General Manager Brian Burke responding to ESPN putting the Leafs last in a ranking of 122 professional sports franchises
Yogi’s Packing Heat!
“While none of our park wardens have been shot at, we want to make sure they are protected. You have to remember parks users reflect society as a whole.”
– the Ontario Ministry of Natural Resources explains why park wardens are now required to wear bulletproof vests
Some Industry. Some Record.
“TransCanada has an industry-leading record of operating pipelines and other energy infrastructure for more than 60 years.”
– Robert Jones, Senior VP, Major Projects, TransCanada Corporation
I Never Did Trust Those Purple Bastards!
“I don’t care if you’re white, pink or purple. All I’m saying is, if you’re caught with a gun and convicted of a gun crime, I want you out of this city.”
– Toronto Mayor Rob Ford
We’ve Already Told You Once, Newt: CHINA DOESN’T COUNT!
“Governor Romney in his career has created more jobs than the entire Obama cabinet combined.”
– Newt Gingrich
You Know How You Sometimes Get An Idea In Your Head That You Know You Shouldn’t Say Out Loud Because It Will Offend People, But It’s Soooo Tempting, But You Know You Shouldn’t Even Though You Really Want To, So You Eventually Don’t Say It And The Feeling Passes?
Yeah. Politicians Resolve That Conflict Differently Than You Or I Would…
“If the Asians are always working and we say that we only want the good life, it’s going to be a rude awakening one day.”
– Coalition Avenir Quebec leader Francois Legault
As A Long-time Asthma Sufferer, I Appreciate Unobstructed Airwaves
“Sex continues to saturate our culture, even as Viagra ads saturate our airways.”
– Rick Groen, Globe and Mail
Some People Risk Getting Shot At, Some People Risk Getting Paper Cuts…
“You have to understand, we are part of the Jewish army. Some people serve in tanks. We serve in yeshiva.”
– Aharon Grossman, explaining why Orthodox Jews should be exempt from serving in the Israeli army
…In The Last Five Minutes…
“I work harder than any mayor ever has.”
– Toronto’s Rob Ford
Somebody Needs A Mirror
“The don’t want people to see the first episode. I think it’s mean-spirited, and I hope and I pray it backfires on them.”
– X Factor producer Simon Cowell complaining about the decision to put the third episode of The Voice on at the same time as the season premier of his show
Somebody Has Clearly Looked In The Mirror
“We should all know by now that this is a regime that does not stop at anything. So that’s just the reality of the situation.”
– Stephen Harper
You See? You See! We Warned You That If Gay Marriage Was Approved, This Sort Of Thing Would Happen!
“We look for consumers who are food-involved, food-engaged.”
– Anthony Longo, President and CEO of Longo’s
“Thinker” May Be Generous
“If I had to credit one thinker, one person, it would be Ayn Rand.”
– Paul Ryan
So, Other People’s Free Speech Ends Where Your Sensitivity Begi – Wait – Who Are You, And Why Should Anybody Care About The Opinions You Express In The Public Square?
“I should be able to express moral views on social issues, especially those that have been the underpinning of Western civilization for 2,000 years – without being slandered, accused of hate speech, and told from those who preach ‘tolerance’ that I need to either bend my beliefs to their moral standards or be silent when I’m in the public square.”
– Kirk Cameron
Are You Listening, Kirk?
“Love is a human experience, not a political statement.”
– Anne Hathaway, on why she supports gay marriage and gay adoption
I Can, However, Imagine Strangling Ontario’s Democracy In Its Cradle With Demagogic Pandering
“I just can’t imagine that any reasonable Ontarian would think that Queen’s Park, the cradle of democracy in Ontario, should be used for a protest that calls for the destruction, the annihilation of Israel.”
– Conservative leader Tim Hudak
Don’t You Dare Try To Pass It Off As A Jo – SON OF A BITCH!
“We should sink Todd Akin. If he’s found mysteriously murdered, don’t look for my whereabouts!”
– Republican operative Karl Rove at a Republican National Convention fundraiser
Give That Woman Her Own Advice Column!
“It’s not so shocking to do drugs and have promiscuous sex any more.”
– actor Kristen Stewart
My Politics Run The Entire Gamut From The Far Right To The Extremely Far Right
“I was a supporter of two parties [Conservative and Wildrose] in the last election of equal amounts and to specific candidates… I view myself as somewhat apolitical in that I don’t vote for a party, I vote for people.”
– Calgary businessman and newly appointed chair of Alberta Health Services Stephen Lockwood
He Can Bench Press 1,000 Pounds With His Eyebrows, So You Know What He Is Saying Must Be True!
“If we look to history, our great country and freedom are under attack. We’re at a tipping point and, quite possibly, our country as we know it may be lost forever if we don’t change the course in which our country is headed.”
– Chuck Norris