Thank you, Mischa Gunna, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, a panel of experts said that there would be no problem of leakage if a nuclear waste site was built on Lake Huron. Oh, the site would leak. It would leak faster than a sieve made out of spaghetti. It would leak faster than a political aide who had been passed over for a major promotion. It would leak faster than a baby that’s just been fed. Oh, yes, the nuclear waste site would leak, alright. But, that’s okay, because the Great Lakes are so vast that they would dilute any radiation-bearing water leakage. And, you know what? We’re totally good with that rosy assessment.
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Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Anti-marijuana Ads? I Need A Drink!
420 frame of mind) The Beer Store has run a series of ads arguing that if Ontario corner stores are allowed to sell alcohol, there will be a spike in underage drinking. The outrage was loud and sustained. The Partnership for a Drug Free Canada has been running ads stating that there is an epidemic of teen marijuana use, and implying that it would skyrocket if marijuana was legalized. The outrage was…non-existent. Why the difference?
a) there was a record number of kids getting into car accidents while high last year! Three! Okay, there were no deaths, but it’s really only a matter of time – it’s only a matter of time…
b) alcohol? Really? We got bored of making anti-youth alcohol ads – they cost a fortune and had little discernible effect. We’re hoping anti-youth toking up ads will be completely different…
c) hypocrisy is a team sport, especially when your drug of choice is the one being maligned…
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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It May Take Three Weeks For The News To Reach Them – Welcome Back To The Seventeenth Century
People in Donetsk are celebrating the signing of a deal in Geneva that is meant to calm the situation in eastern Ukraine.
“Where is Geneva?” exulted Yuri Schmushkin as he made his way down a garbage strewn street. “Is it near Kiev?”
“Can I get a copy of that agreement?” a gleeful Irina Ablatov asked. “We’re running out of toilet paper…”
“Could you please keep it down?” Erich Schmetsky cheerfully commanded. “If they hear you, snipers will be able to get a bead on our position…”
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOLFFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?nextPage=/DUereDE/wXeR.WZvwF?7wF~/DUereDE/s538/Os/14/JD141O.7wF!2qZiiv~/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/
e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requestid=78797]
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On Just About Every Street Corner, Actually
The federal government has approved the hiring of coaches for hockey teams – including those in the NHL – using the foreign workers programme. This programme, you will recall, was meant to fill jobs that Canadian workers wouldn’t or couldn’t do.
“Hockey coaches in Canada? Pfft!” dismissed Alexandra Fortier, a spokeswoman for Employment and Social Development Minister Jason Kenney. “How often do you see them?”
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#54204134955]
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Umm, Yeah – If That’s Really Her Goal, I Don’t Think She Needs To Put That Much Effort Into It…
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, Hilary Clinton had her George W. Bush moment when somebody threw a shoe at her. Give me a break! Hilary will never be half the man that Bush was! Besides, that didn’t go down the way the mainstream press has portrayed it. Of course not! See, Hillary? She took off one of her own shoes! That’s right. She…she…she threw it at herself, then hypnotized everybody in the room to believe that somebody else had thrown it at her! Now, ask yourself: why would she go to so much trouble? Obviously, it was to make it look like her critics are crazed maniacs who have no respect for the truth!
SOURCE: Rush Limburger Home Page
[http://www.rushlimburger.com/home/daily/site_142903/content/truth_distorter.hostile_enemy.html]
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A Chip Off The Old Writer’s Block
“Many years later, as he faced the disciplinary committee for remarks he made at the annual company Christmas party, chief ad sales representative Aureliano Buendia was to remember that distant afternoon when his mentor took him to discover vice.”
Remembering Gabriel Garcia Weiner.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.43.63/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Can’t You Just Regift Them?
I’m Sure The President Of Chile Would Be Happy To Get The Atlas
LOT ONE: An original painting, a bottle of aged cognac and hand-painted ceramics depicting scenes from Russia’s imperialist history. Given to me by Russian President Vladimir Putin.
LOT TWO: a leather-bound, gold-inlaid atlas of Ukraine, now somewhat out of date (but still pretty) and a bronze statue of Bohdan Zenobi Chmielnicki, the father of an independent Ukraine. Given to me by former Ukrainian President Victor Yanukovych before he…you know.
Must sell immediately – the embarrassing personal memories associated with these gifts are too painful. No reasonable offer refused.
INQUIRE: Stephen Harper, Prime Minister of Canada.
SOURCE: ehBay
[http://cgi.ehbay.ca/ws/ehBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&category=219&item=6113929566&rd=1]
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Trees Are Such Saps!
Although Canada produces 80 per cent of the world’s maple syrup, the United States has been cutting into its lead, increasing its output over the last decade. How?
Vermont, like many of the American maple syrup producing areas, is a “right to sap” state. Regulation of the industry is lax, and state laws increasingly undermine the ability of individual trees to form unions or otherwise organize to protect their interests.
“It’s exploitation, pure and simple,” said Argrent Grr’falloupian, Chief Steward of Amalgamated Sap Suppliers Union Local 3. “I would advise my members to strike if, you know, we had legs and could actually walk picket lines…”
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=14ddccd7-f6f8-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a002]
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Brazen Subtleness – There’s A Power To Be Reckoned With!
Friends. Let us not fight amongst ourselves. Those pamphlets delivered outside a synagogue in Donetsk, Ukraine telling Jews to register or face expulsion? Does it really matter if they were distributed by the pro-Russia Donetsk People’s Republic or some pro-separatist group trying to make the pro-Russia look bad?
Surely, there is enough anti-Judaism in the Ukraine to go around.
You might think that, with so few Jews left in the country thanks to the Holocaust and various flavours of pogrom before that, there is nothing to worry about. You couldn’t be more wrong. As their numbers dwindle, the plans of Jews to control finance and the media in a country become more brazen and subtle. You can’t expel them fast enough!
Just, uhh, don’t send your Jews to us – we have our own problems with them!
SOURCE: Bigots Without Borders
[http://www.bigotswithoutborders.org/]
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