Thank you, Jimmy Changa, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then, we wondered why people used the phrase “Sounds like a plan” when something clearly was a plan. Were they not certain of the plan’s planness? Were they thinking, Hmm…it sounds like a plan, but it could be a wombat. Better hedge my bets in case my ignorance will be the cause for me to be chosen to clean up the guano…? Can we all agree to stop using the phrase “Sounds like a plan” in polite company?
Sounds like a – d’oh!
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Those Who Forget History Are Doomed To Have Lunch Repeat On Them
Liberal leader Justin Trudeau has vowed that, if he becomes Prime Minister, he will repeal the Harper Government of Canada’s improbably named Fair Elections Act. This is reminiscent of John Turner’s vow that, if elected Prime Minister, he would tear up the Free Trade Agreement.
“Yes, exactly. No – wait – what?” Trudeau commented.
Meanwhile, NDP leader Thomas Mulcair reminded Prime Minister Stephen Harper of the 1996 quote by Reform Party MP Stephen Harper: “Using time allocation for electoral law, doing it quickly and without the consent of the other political parties, is the kind of dangerous application of electoral practices that we are more likely to find in Third World countries.”
“I don’t know that guy,” Harper responded. “Never met him before in my life!”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=
1088507831270&call_pageid=961135278016&col=965466972328]
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When Your Left Ear Falls Off, You’ll Know What The Problem With The Drug Is
Until Then, Just Trust Us
Secret Drug Review Anxiety Syndrome
SYMPTOMS: Undue curiosity about the effectiveness of drugs whose reviews the federal government will not release to the public. Excessive sweating. Heart palpitations. Threats of freedom of information lawsuits.
Fortunately, there’s a drug for that. Unfortunately, Health Canada is not going to tell you if it works or if it has any side effects.
SOURCE: Scientific Canadian
[http://www.scican.com/article.cfm?chanID=sc003&articleID=1744H3EC-2C129-20K5-AAA1582614B713331]
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Seek And Ye Shall Be Undermined
Do an Internet search using the terms “Mozilla” “CEO” and “Proposition 8” and you will no longer find Brendan Eich, who voluntarily stepped down as head of the third largest Internet browser company in the world when users of the software took issue with his support of California’s measure calling for a Constitutional amendment that would ban gay marriage.
“Gay people search the Internet, too,” Eich commented. “Who knew?”
This isn’t a free speech issue, unless you count Eich no longer being able to rejigger the Firefox search algorithm so that when you look for “gay marriage” the only link that pops up takes you to the home page of the Westboro Baptist Church. Eich had his say. Then, the market spoke.
SOURCE: Yellow Triangle Blues
[http://ytb.gay/April_2014/Eichs!.htm]
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Explanation Smacks Of Cowardice
When asked why he had sent out mean tweets about April Reimer, the wife of the goaltender of the Toronto Maple Leads, @hockeytwitnerd wrote, “Have you seen her husband? If I talked smack about him, I WOULD GET SMACKED!”
SOURCE: The Schwartz Sports Report
[http://www.schwartzsportsreport.com/ssr-news.shtml.htm#56238133667]
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You Thought This Was Going To Be An Ad For Eccinacious Poverty Root?
There’s A Pill For That, You Know…
Do you suffer from heart palpitations, palpitating heartiness, EKGVDT Dash Seven, Pinky on the Brain, brewer’s droop from drinking beer, entropic weather systems, free radicals, expensive radicals, political radicals, excessive pomposity, inadequate self-esteem, fructating bee hives, Chapman’s Lips, prehensile dysfunction, madeuponitis, the prisoner’s dilemma, radish deficiency, pellucid ventricles, excessive wait gain or Baby’s Arm Holding an Apple Syndrome?
Then, you are alive. Congratulations.
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=1006562629]
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Have You Noticed That People Who Had Their Welfare Slashed While He Was In Charge Are Not Asked For THEIR Opinions Of Him?
Former Ontario and Federal Conservative Finance Minister Jim Flaherty has died at the age of 64. His supporters can take comfort in the knowledge that his bad works will live on.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
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They Should Just Have Consulted Radiohead
Google has just completed a century-long study to help it determine the key to fitter, happier and more productive workers. “Can I stop now?” asked Endora Frittata, one of the study subjects who has been with it since the beginning. “Please? It’s just that I’m soooooooo tired!”
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/140411/geeklynews/01agaggleofgooglegogglers.htm]
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It’s Just Like Canadians To Feel Smugly Superior To Americium-241!
A small amount of radioactive material is missing from the Research Institute at Sunnybrook Hospital. Don’t panic.
“It’s just taken a few…months vacation,” explained doctor Julio “Orange” Julius. “I’m sure it’s just sunning itself on a beach somewhere, and, now that the weather here seems to be getting better, it’s only a matter of time before the radioactive material returns home. I mean, it’s not like isotopes need a lot of sun to get a great tan!”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2014/04/11/panicsoon140411]
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As Long As The Cat Isn’t Constructing An IED Or Playing Anti-American Tunes On The Piano
Transcript of an April 12, 2014 Twitherd conversation:
@vudujane as if the heartbleed virus wasn’t already bad enough!
@therealsharonbackovic oh, what now?
@vudujane teh nsa knew about it for two years & did nothing
@therealsharonbackovic serious?
@vudujane serious as a surprise b’day party thrown by yer soon to be x – they were using it for their own investigations
@innocentian No, we did not.
@vudujane what?
@innocentian The NSA had no idea that the Heartbleed bug was gathering the personal information of Internet users.
@innocentian We only found this out last week when everybody else did.
@innocentian And, even if we did, we are, by law, not allowed to collect such information. Simon.
@therealsharonbackovic who is simon?
@innocentian Would you like us to answer that question…llama lover?
@vudujane i gotta go! my…mom’s kettle…slipped in the shower! ttfn
@therealsharonbackovic what just happened?
@innocentian We find it’s best not to ask too many questions.
@therealsharonbackovic who are you?
@innocentian Just a poor dental floss farmer from Butt Plugg, Nebraska.
@therealsharonbackovic really?
@innocentian Do you truly want to know? It would be a shame if your addiction to polka dot bed sheets became widely known…
@therealsharonbackovic urk – is it okay if I…post cat videos to twitherd? can I do that? post cat videos?
@innocentian Of course. Who doesn’t love a good cat video?
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/108096382861023470563-7946374864826327230173072840-4734183781506374209cahs01.html]
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