The Diplomat asked for a meeting with the Foreign Affairs Minister. The Diplomat was confused about a recent directive and wanted guidance. The Foreign Affairs Minister was happy to oblige, but, in order to keep up the appearance of the independence of the Canadian diplomatic corps, kept the Diplomat waiting for two and half years before finally meeting him.
“Good to see you again!
” the Foreign Affairs Minister enthused.
“We’ve never actually met,” the Diplomat, momentarily abandoning the pretense of diplomacy, pointed out.
“And, yet, we have spent so much time together in the government of my mind,” the Foreign Affairs Minister assured him. When the Diplomat stared blankly at him for several seconds, the Foreign Affairs Minister asked, “So, why have you asked for a meeting with me?”
“You have said that diplomats should use social media to communicate more.”
“That is correct.”
“Canadian diplomats.”
“That’s right.”
“With the public.”
“Yes.”
“You said that.”
The Foreign Affairs Minister hid his impatience behind a guarded smile. “I believe that we have already established that,” he told the Diplomat.
“Your government would like diplomats to use social media. This is the government that only the week before two and a half years ago demanded that every person in Industry Canada must run proposed tweets though a 12 step protocol and seek the approval of the minister’s office before sending them. Surely, you can see where my confusion lies.”
“No,” the Foreign Affairs Minister, shaking his head, genially replied, “no, I really don’t see what your problem is.”
“You would like me to be more vocal on Facebook.”
“That’s right.”
“On Pinterest?”
“If you have worthy images to share.”
“On Instagram?”
“If that really is a social network. I’ve always considered it a figment of the imaginations of people who think Pinterest isn’t visual enough.”
The Diplomat blinked several times before continuing. “You would like us to communicate more on Twitter?”
“You make it sound like our government has no respect for your freedom of speech.”
“Well…”
“Freedom of speech is one of the foundations of our great nation,” the Foreign Affairs Minister speechified freely. “Our government has the utmost respect – bordering on reverence – for the concept.”
“Glad to hear it,” the Diplomat said. “So, I can Tweet -?”
The Foreign Affairs Minister considered the proposed message for seven point three five seconds, which the government had determined was the optimum average time for considering the input of civil servants before dismissing it. Then, he gently shook his head. “Those exact words? No, I don’t think that would reflect well upon you or the government. But, especially you.”
“Hmm,” the Diplomat mused. “And, if I rephrased it…?”
“Is that really a sentiment you want to be expressing?” the Foreign Affairs Minister sympathetically asked. “In public? With your name attached to it for ever and always? That would be a very bold move on your part. Why it would practically be…brave…”
Now, the Diplomat knew that “brave” was a civil service synonym for “career suicidal,” so he responded: “Oh. Well, since you put it that way…what if I wanted to Tweet -?”
The Foreign Affairs Minister tutted quietly to himself. “I wouldn’t do that if I was you.”
Heart sinking, the Diplomat said, “No, no, I suppose not. How about -?”
The Foreign Affairs Minister barely stifled a guffaw. “Seriously? You can Tweet about anything you want, and that is what you want to Tweet about?”
“It wasn’t my first choice…” the Diplomat undiplomatically pointed out.
“I’m surprised it was on your list of choices at all,” the Foreign Affairs Minister softly chided him. “We had always been of the impression that you wanted to succeed in the Foreign Service.”
The Diplomat, who had had foreign postings for over 30 years, was stung by the statement. “Erm. Uhh…how about…no, wait…what if I…no, that’s no good, either…how about this, then?”
Smiling broadly, the Foreign Affairs Minister stated, “That…sounds like something I would have written.”
“It should,” the Diplomat informed him. “It came out of a press release you circulated last week.”
“Oh, but the point is that you shouldn’t feel pressured to just repeat what the government says,” the Foreign Affairs Minister encouraged him. “You should express your own feelings. Does this tweet express your true feelings?”
“Will my name be on it for ever and always?” the Diplomat suspiciously asked.
“It will.”
“Then, this is how I truly feel. These are my own thoughts on the subject.”
“Good for you! This is an excellent example of just the kind of exercise of your freedom of speech that we were hoping you diplomats would enjoy! Keep it up!”
How…inscrutable are the ways of western political thought!