I don’t know much about depleted fish resources, but, then, cod is in the details…
I tried to change the resistance on my stationary bike, but it was futile.
Lunch at the speed of sound: mach one and cheese…
When surfing the Net, remember: there are no atheists in a Firefox hole…
Okay, so John Scalzi didn’t review my book. I consider that Whatever under the bridge.
If Bill Cosby were starting out today, would his main character be Fatwa Albert?
Which relative should you support in a family feud? I heir on the side of caution…
You want us to wear magic pendants? Amulet’s not.
He lost his job at the Chinese restaurant because he didn’t wok the wok…
Just because you had part of a buttock removed doesn’t give you an excuse to do anything half-assed…
Not everybody likes puns, but a lot of people do like the cut of my gibe…
Although I like all forms of communication, I’m not really the teletype…
Looking at all of the art on the walls, I felt a MOMA of grace…
Billionaires need to mind their manors…
Advice to a country full of parents who can’t let go of their children: keep feeling fastened, nation…
You’re always welcome here, even if you’re not a reproductive member of society…
I needed to know where the wind was coming from, but my search was in vane.
We inundated the Quebec Olympians with celebration because dey won deluge…
Is a street performer who can only perform being hit by a train a one track mime?
I believe in high steaks vegetarianism…
Summertime, and the living is sneezy…
Whenever I went fishing with my family, our motto was, “What you see is what you gut.”
I waited in vain to see the folk singer. It was close, but no Seeger.
The topical painter could be said to have taken the tempera of the times.
If you can keep your Portishead about you while all others are losing theirs…
When it comes to spy movies, it takes one to Dr. No one.
Is a lobster with an image of Jesus on its shell a Christacean?
Is a chemistry prof with unorthodox ideas who is on holiday a free radical?
Reliving ancient tragedies? Oh, Hera we go again!
Of course I love eating turkey – I’m a trypto fan!
After the treatment, I told the manicurist: “Thanks for the emerys.”
How do you address a ruminant you are evicting from his forest? Deer, sir…
Is death’s sofa made up of the reaper cushions of bad ideas?
Humanity’s ancestors should be iocene but not heard…
Ramones song about being cutting edge: “I Wanna Be Serated”
Sure, I like newly formed ice crystals as much as the next person. Still, there’s no hoar like an old hoar…
Movie about Sinclair’s wild weekends? Upton Saturday Night…
How do the organs of animals that have been killed for food smell? Offal…
Is the half-native pirate’s catchphrase, “Aar, Metis!”?
The lack of a low wall around the city for protection has long been one of my parapet peeves…
If your car sinned in a past life, does it need a Tao truck?
I wanted to make a witty remark about your eyes, but all I ended up with was a cornea joke.
I can’t make comedian David laugh, but I guess that’s just my Cross to bore…
You can always measure the devastation of war using the Dewey decimate system…
Knowing what buttons to push to rile up a crowd doesn’t take much incite…
I wanted to not get sucked in by the scent of the Italian restaurant, but when in aroma…
Why has the stock market been so crazy lately? One can only speculate…
Does having too large a flotilla lead to a bout of naval congestion?
When I drink at an Asian restaurant, I really like to Thai one on.
I don’t enjoy being tense, but it was just how I was taut.
The guy who was sued for putting the starlet’s nude photos on the Internet advised people to “cache me while you can.”
When it comes to carpentry tools, for me it’s awl or nothing.
Donor clinics have the right idea: you can’t get blood from a stoner…
Looking at the paintings again, I couldn’t help but feel a little Degas vu…
Somebody who shares your taste in strange or exotic foods: a nom ally…
How can you not love that flat topped hill? She’s a butte!
Getaway car: where the robber hits the road…
I thought a century plant would liven up my home, but, agave at the office…
When your only communication with your paramour is by short-wave radio, love Hertz…
Have you heard of the female NASA officials? They’re the ladies who launch…
The photographer who didn’t have time to get his tint right said, “Sepia later!”
Does erotic poetry go from bed to verse?
Did Cleopatra believe that if ye asp, ye shall receive?
You’re willing to share your golf pegs? Oh, don’t tees me!
If Tristan Tzara had been a TV consultant, would the scifi show have been called The Outre Limits?
The man chewing tobacco while pacing the hospital floor was an expectorant father…
Depending upon where you were born, et al could mean you dined on Albert’s body.
Their boss didn’t want them to know the details of the medical plan, but there was a staff infection.
Although I write a lot, I’m not very well known. You could say I have a futile imagination…
I thought I should panic, but it turned out to be a meh day…
The French comedian who died in a car crash had a rire end…
Could Temple of Doom fanatics watching a marathon be said to be indulging in an Indy 500?
Is the Kama Sutra the first example of graphic design?
You say school ain’t worth going to? Truant dat!
All the lawns on our block are perfect – the whole nine yards!
My choir had too many deep voices, but it’s alto the good…
To use a whoopie cushion well requires precise bladder control.
I always serve Indian food to important guests because I like to curry favour…
The stolid falcon was a peregrine of virtue.
Could movies based on real events said to be script from the headlines?
My fish basket is woven out of straw. That’s how I keep it creel…
You want to know about Baroque music? You can’t Handel the truth!
Movie about a guy who cannot get help fixing the marquee before the film starts: High Neon…
As a satirist, it’s my job to write the world’s wrongs…
Whales do not like violence, but they always seem to have a view to a krill…
Whales are not vicious hunters, but they do know how to go in for the krill…
You could say that the guys I go fishing with are my pier group
Would a movie based on the life of a good-natured undertaker be called Inter Laughing?
Not a big fan of Gaelic? It could be erse…
The woman who insisted she did not want children told her boyfriend, “I kid you not!”
Nobody wants to badmouth a former partner on the Internet, but we all have an ex to grind…
I enjoy theatre/circus combinations more when they have a lot of humor. You could say I’m a fan of the Snerk du Soleil…
When you tell me you’re drinking fermented fruit juice, as the host of the party I have to ask, “Whose cider you on?”
Woman’s lament: “I Fought the Bra, And the Bra Won.”
I never lead when I dance. For me, the bossa nova means the new boss…
The frog on the construction site knew when to ask for a “Ribbet…”
Life is Long, Twitter is Short
