You may not know it to look at me, but I’m part Klingon. On weekends. And, at special events.
Special events such as the Canadian National Exhibition (aka: the CNE; aka: The Ex; aka: the annual family obligation that is so much more commercial than when I used to go as a kid, but that we somehow manage to enjoy anyway), where Klingons were invited on the opening weekend to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the release of the first episode of Star Trek. (I know, I know: Chris Pine doesn’t look a day over 30! If you’re confused, ask your parents.)
Since many of the Klingons (who weren’t me) had elaborate costumes (I have a gold vest – a beginner’s costume; I can’t wait until the training wheels come off!), we needed a place to change. We were given space in the green room where the CNE mascots get into their costumes. Now, I know Klingons are a warrior race who are supposed to be battle hardened and all, but those oversized animal heads creeped the shit out of me!
Do Klingons have nightmares? If this doesn’t give them to me, I’ll need to see a psychiatrist for years! Do Klingons have neuroses? Wouldn’t you?
In addition to welcoming people to the anniversary exhibit, Klingons were asked to be part of the parade around the fairgrounds. We were put on a Viking themed float (because sense of humour?); we had to share it with representatives of different regions in Ontario who seemed to have been chosen for their sparkling personalities and conversational skills.
Okay, no. They were more likely chosen for having won local beauty contests; the sparkling personalities and conversational skills were just a pleasant bonus. Still, talk about beauties and the beasts! If only Andrew Lloyd Webber had been there, he would have had enough material for a dozen musicals.
Okay, probably just as well that he wasn’t.
Most of us walked behind the float.
We were followed by the Windsor Optimist Youth Band. What were they optimistic about? That we wouldn’t kill any of them? Considering the classical band music that they were playing, that was highly…hopeful of them.
Having the Klingons be followed by the Optimist Youth Band was the sheerest act of…wishful thinking. Still, no limbs were lost, so it could be argued that the tactic was successful.
As always, it was great to see the Klingons. Next year, in the Food Building!
Klingons Fierce. Proud. Strangely cuddly. I am delighted to be among their ranks.
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Speaking of which…
While I was at the CNE, I ate a bug. Several, actually. They came with a sauce – I’m not three years old any more.
I had read that the Food Building at The Ex had a booth that incorporated insects into its dishes. One of the great things about The Ex is that it gives you the opportunity to do things you don’t usually do for the rest of the year…or, ever. This seemed like one of those things.
It helped to know that our current beef culture is ecologically unsustainable, and the amount of insect protein in the world is huge. I figured this was the perfect opportunity to get an early start on the future that’s going to await most of us (the wealthy will always be able to have herds of cows on the roofs of their mansions) anyway.
Don’t panic, young lady. The future always seems scary. Besides, would you rather have bugs in your tummy, or bugs crawling all over your body? Because that may be the choice in the future…in which case, perhaps alarm would be the most rational response. Okay – panic away.
The Bug Bistro offered a limited number of dishes – probably for the best (although I am curious to know what a t-bug steak would have tasted like). I started with a hot dog that incorporated insects, as well as being liberally topped with them. I probably would have lost it if the top layer of insects was crunchy, but they were soft and went down smooth. The hot dog itself tasted like…a hot dog. No problems, there.
It wasn’t on a dare. It wasn’t because of a schoolyard taunt aimed at the heart of my masculinity. Insect edibles are the way of the future, and I wanted to get there first!
Emboldened by the non-ickiness of this experience, I decided to try a couple of insect rolls. They came with a spicy red sauce that was…spicy. And, red.
All in all, my experience of insect food was: meh. It didn’t taste all that different from traditional food (probably a good thing), and it didn’t have a different texture (what is sometimes referred to as – I am not making this up – “mouth feel”). At least it didn’t taste like chicken…
If they’re around next year, I’m going to try a bug smoothie!
As a parting gift, the CNE gave me a bust of Prime Minister Justin Trudeau made out of butter. Honestly, people, the jokes writes themselves!