1) What is the Brexit?
2) Really?
3) So, as usual, I find myself in question three repeating question one: what is the Brexit?
4) What was the main argument of the Stay side?
5) Are you suggesting that the case the Conservative Party made for staying in the European Union was somewhat less than compelling?
6) What was the main argument of the Leave side?
7) Was that a legitimate argument?
8) Can you really say that the Leave vote was driven by racism?
9) It is?
10) What other factors?
11) Is there any truth to the argument that a lot of people voted to leave the European Union to punish Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron, whose policies had devastated many working class communities?
12) What was the world’s response to the Brexit vote?
13) Really? That sounds a bit improbable…
14) Speaking of which, what was Donald Trump’s response to the vote?
15) You brought him up!
16) Why would there be any problems with Trump’s statement?
17) So, what happens now?
18) What is there to negotiate?
19) Will the British at least get back all of the outrageous sums of money – £350 million a week, was it? – it sends to the EU?
20) Where would anybody get the ludicrous idea that that much money would go to the NHS?
21) Oh. Umm…speaking of the unspeakable, is it just me, or does UKIP leader Nigel Farage look like a 19th century satirical cartoon of a greedy capitalist?
22) Looking to the future, Neil Hamilton, a member of UKIP’s national executive committee, stated: “We want tariff-free access to the single market and it will be hugely in the interests of the European Union to grant it.” What must he have been smoking at the time?
23) So, yeah. Negotiations. Will they start right away?
24) Can they do that?
25) Considering how high up the Tories cocked this referendum, why is Labour leader Jeremy Corbin’s head being demanded on a silver platter by his party?
26) After the referendum, there appears to be devastation everywhere you look. What was the point?
A form of shampoo popular in Britain.
No. That’s just a callback to a joke you probably haven’t read.
3) So, as usual, I find myself in question three repeating question one: what is the Brexit?
You’re no fun. Brexit is the colloquial (figuratively: a technological device that renders all reason invisible) term for a referendum to determine whether Britain should remain in the European Union or leave it. SPOILET ALERT: by an overwhelming 52-48 per cent margin, Britain decided to leave.
4) What was the main argument of the Stay side?
The Conservative defense of membership in the European Union was that staying would be good for you. This is known as “The Steamed Broccoli Argument.” Those who voted to leave used the “I’m Not Putting That In My Mouth and You Can’t Make Me Argument.” Unfortunately, a slight majority of voters preferred to let their inner five year-old cast their ballot for them.
5) Are you suggesting that the case the Conservative Party made for staying in the European Union was somewhat less than compelling?
Far be it from me to suggest such a thing. I’m openly stating it. Shouting it from the rooftops, actually. If I could afford it, I would buy a full page ad in The Guardian to announce it in big, bold, 148 point type. But suggest it? No, not me.
6) What was the main argument of the Leave side?
If Britain stays in the European Union, people with coloured faces and weird names will overrun the country and force us all to eat curried foods.
7) Was that a legitimate argument?
Of course not – it was morally reprehensible. Everybody knows the British love their curries.
8) Can you really say that the Leave vote was driven by racism?
That’s a fair question.
Absolutely. Other factors were clearly involved.
Economic illiteracy, for one. Cornwall was on course to benefit from �2.5 billion worth of EU funding between 2000 and 2020 but voted 56 per cent in favour of Brexit. Tilbury was hoping to get an EU grant of $6 million, but it somehow managed to vote over 70 per cent in favour of leaving the EU. The most economically depressed areas of Britain largely voted Leave, even when it would cost them money.
Think of it as Little Britain voting out of unenlightened self-interest.
Low information, for another. The most used search term by the British the day after the referendum was “What is the EU?” Almost as popular was, “What will happen if Britain leaves the EU?” You might think that they would have asked those questions before they voted. Apparently, they were too busy cashing dole checks or…watching Coronation Street or…words fail.
It would have been enough to make Churchill pee his pants. And, not in a good way.
11) Is there any truth to the argument that a lot of people voted to leave the European Union to punish Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron, whose policies had devastated many working class communities?
Only if you believe that they were too stupid to understand that Cameron would have to resign and be replaced by somebody even more bloody-mindedly conservative (Boris Johnson oozes to mind), somebody whose policies would do even more damage to their communities. So, yes, that is a totally credible position.
12) What was the world’s response to the Brexit vote?
It handed Britain a lollipop and said, “Well done.”
13) Really? That sounds a bit improbable…
…Right before world stock markets lost two trillion dollars in value and two ratings companies downgraded Britain’s economy. Oh, and the British pound lost 10 to 20 per cent of its value against other world currencies (and you know a situation must be truly wretched if it can make the American dollar look good in the shadow of President Donald Trump). In light of this, the lollipop was probably cold comfort and the “Well done” was likely sarcastic.
14) Speaking of which, what was Donald Trump’s response to the vote?
Let’s not make this about the Yanks, shall we?
Fair point. Okay, Trump was in Scotland to talk up his golf coarse, Turncoats or Sourberries or something like that, when the subject of the Brexit came up. His response was, “They’re angry over borders. They’re angry over people coming into the country and taking over. Nobody even knows who they are. They’re angry about many, many things. They took back control of their country. It’s a great thing.” If it had been any other politician, the quote would have sparked outrage; with The Donald, there was a mild shrug and everybody – well, almost everybody – went back to reading The Financial Times.
16) Why would there be any problems with Trump’s statement?
Because Scotland voted in favour of staying in the EU, and is considering a vote to leave the United Kingdom so that it can. Trump’s remarks about taking back control of their country could be interpreted as a thumbs up for Scottish independence, I suppose, although judging by the highly creative, not to mention colourful, response from Scots (the almost in the previous answer) on social media, they do not seem to be taking it that way.
The fun part begins: negotiations.
18) What is there to negotiate?
Because one of the key aspects of the European Union is the ability for any citizen of any member country to travel freely to any other country, what is going to happen to Europeans living in England and British citizens living anywhere else in the EU? Will they live with mommy or daddy? For goodness sake, won’t anybody think of the children?
19) Will the British at least get back all of the outrageous sums of money – £350 million a week, was it? – it sends to the EU?
No. For one thing, the number was vastly inflated: it does not take into account the fact that more than half of the amount came back to Britain in the form of subsidies and other monetary payments. Perhaps the most sobering statement on this subject came from United Kingdom Independence Party leader Nigel Farrage the day after the referendum when he stated, “No I can’t [guarantee the £350 million pounds a week will go to the National Health Services], and I would never have made that claim. That was one of the mistakes that I think the Leave campaign made.”
20) Where would anybody get the ludicrous idea that that much money would go to the NHS?
The side of a Vote Leave bus that was driven around the country during the referendum campaign.
21) Oh. Umm…speaking of the unspeakable, is it just me, or does UKIP leader Nigel Farage look like a 19th century satirical cartoon of a greedy capitalist?
All he needs is the limb of a small child sticking out of the side of his mouth to make the image complete.
22) Looking to the future, Neil Hamilton, a member of UKIP’s national executive committee, stated: “We want tariff-free access to the single market and it will be hugely in the interests of the European Union to grant it.” What must he have been smoking at the time?
No idea. It seems reasonable to surmise, though, that powerful hallucinogens were involved. To analogize, it’s like saying you want a divorce, but you don’t want to stop sleeping with your partner. Hard as it may be to believe, your partner might not be too pleased with the idea. Expect the European Union to change the locks to the doors of the house.
23) So, yeah. Negotiations. Will they start right away?
European Union leaders have strongly suggested that they start immediately in order to calm world stock markets (which have lost another trillion dollars of value in the time you have taken to read this). Pro-Leave politicians have said, “What? There’s no hurry. I’m just going to take a siesta now – it’s a time-honoured British tradition. Call me in a few months when you’re serious about giving me what I want.”
There is some disagreement over whether or not the British government must activate Article 50, which would start negotiations, immediately. Leave supporters argue that not starting negotiations right away will leave Britain in a better bargaining position – just like the wife who demands a divorce, then delays signing the papers. Stay supporters hope they’re right. Europe wishes Britain would grow up. I’m beginning to think that crack must have been involved.
25) Considering how high up the Tories cocked this referendum, why is Labour leader Jeremy Corbin’s head being demanded on a silver platter by his party?
Many of the elite members of the Labour Party believe that he is out of touch with the common working person. Apparently, he was neither stupid nor racist enough to contribute anything meaningful to the debate. Taking their cue from Dire Straits, refusing to be pacified, it’s him they blame the most.
26) After the referendum, there appears to be devastation everywhere you look. What was the point?
The referendum (with the accent on the dumb) was triggered by a promise Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron made to the right wing of his party to hold a vote if they supported him in the last British election. Of course, he resigned immediately after the referendum results were known, so this only bought him an extra year of power.
History is not likely to judge Cameron kindly.