You don’t have a cellulose problem…unless you’re a tree…which is a much bigger problem…
Aggressively ad-free since 2002…
In your first boxing match, do you put up a neophyte?
I was always an advanced child – I even had posthensile toes…
My favourite keyboard command/Pink Floyd song: “Set Control Tab for the Heart of the Sun…”
Could we say that a bad alcohol mixer was sub-lime?
Oh, yeah! I’ve still got it! Maybe less of it than I used to have…and it’s harder to find these days…it’s distributed differently…but, I’ve still…uhh…yeah…
The fairy who noticed the morning grass was dry just had to make dew…
Could you say that Tupperware closed by somebody with male and female genitalia was hermaphroditically sealed?
Would you?
I don’t mind soccer, I just have no patience with people who get over-vuvuzelas…
Watch the barren Baron bearin’ his bare end…
I’m hurt that My favourite old TV series has yet to be made into a movie, and that’s a wound that cannot be Welcome Back Kotterized…
Les Pages aux Folles: Fall in love with it all over again for the first time…
The judge recognized the dancer’s movements as a plies for mercy…
The secret to becoming famous: throw yourself at obscurity and miss…
Their taste in music was so close to being identical that you could call them two peas in an iPod…
My favorite 80s actress/science fiction novel: Molly Ringworld…
Parallel parking meets at infinity…
Semiotics: walking down the street and wondering what the pavement…
Semidiotics: walking down a street and wondering what the semiotician meant…
The doctor concerned about his patient’s ulcer gave the man a sternum warning…
Vampires need to be careful who they eat, lest they run afoul of the mortal majority…
Where’s my deerstalker hat? I need to work on my Baker Street cred…
Is a restaurant reviewer’s pseudonym a nom nom nom de plume?
Les Pages aux Folles: Laundry never tasted so good!
George Washington admitting he was bad at chemistry: “I cannot tall an alkali…”
Remember: there is no “liar” in “outlier”…no, wait…
When it comes to stock market tips, the truth will set your fee…
Your witch is my command…
My favourite young actor/domain name registration organization: Michael CIRA…
I am an artist, and I have the obscurity to prove it!
Do writers of bad jokes about being fated to break a tooth on junk food peddle karmal corn?
Elizabeth may not have been able to kick you standing on her right, but the Shue is on the other foot now!
How many lawyers do you think stopped doing pro bono work when Sonny died?
The world is so beautiful – it’s Alfred E. Newmanous…
The guy who thinks he’s a cigar box? Just humidor him…
I resent the recent decency recantation…
A chimpanzee here, a gorilla there, and pretty soon you’re talking serious monkey…
Planning on doing your own dental work? Braces yourself!
Whence the winch? asked the wretched wrench wench…
Do you think the bees will return if we bring back beehive hairdos?
In the communication age, revolution will happen by any memes necessary…
My favourite classic Greek text/Man from UNCLE character: Iliad Kuryakin…
In the early days, the band funded tours with a Bachmann-Turner Overdraft…
I don’t really know what art plaster is, but I’ll take my best gesso…
Ann Coulter is the supposed ta child of the modern scolding movement…
Curses! Tin foiled again!
When it comes to lowbrow humour, I like to let the cheaps fall where they may…
I’m not personally into nostalgia, but I don’t want to step on anybody’s mementoes…
Is an Italian woman having her period on the Ragu? (That joke would have been offensive if it had had any context…)
The dollar said to the quarter: “Be the change you want to see in the world…”
Les Pages aux Folles: now with 37% less daunt!
Steak tartare was Emeril’s entree into the world of great chefs…
I see your Ira von Furstenberg and raise you a Levin AND a Gershwin!
My favourite Jethro Tull tribute to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: “Cowabunga in the Jungle.”
Drug addicts take their lord in vein…
The plot sickens…
You inukshuk me all night long!
Why does the word Jumbotron NOT describe game stats written on the side of an elephant?
[Insert Cover Joke Here]
