AMERICAN PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
Campaign Hits Cruz (Out Of) Control
“Obama’s mother’s citizenship is irrelevant since his father wasn’t born in America and he wasn’t born in America. He can’t be President.”
– Ted Cruz, 2012
“All you need to know about my parentage is my mother was born a citizen. My father and place of birth are irrelevant.”
– Ted Cruz, 2015
Just The Thought Of Her Back In Politics Makes My Stomach Skirm
“We’re paying for some of the squirmishes that have been going on for centuries.”
– Sarah Palin endorsing Donald Trump
Because Democrats Hate…Their Own Freedoms?
“This is a concerted, organized, deliberate effort to change America. And, if this continues, we will have to explain to our kids why we got to grow up in the greatest country in the world and they did not.”
– Marco Rubio on the threat of another Democratic President
You Can’t Torture Just One?
“Waterboarding is peanuts.”
– Donald Trump
While Being Thrice Divorced And Preaching Ignorance And Hatred Does?
Frankly, I’d Rather Vote For The Kumquat!
“Waving a Bible doesn’t make you a Christian any more than waving a kumquat makes you a vegetable.”
– Dallas First Baptist Church Pastor Robert Jeffress on why he’s considering supporting Donald Trump’s campaign for the Republican Presidential nomination
* SIGH * So Many Hot Buttons, So Few Fingers
Beware “the jihad that is being waged right now in Indiana and Arkansas, going after people of faith who respect the biblical teaching that marriage is the union of one man and one woman.”
– Republican Presidential hopeful Ted Cruz
At Last, Somebody Brings Clarity To The Republican Nomination Battle!
“Oh tell somebody like, Phyllis Schlafly, she is the Republican, conservative movement icon and hero and a Trump supporter. Tell her she’s not conservative. How ’bout the rest of us? Right wingin’, bitter clingin’, proud clingers of our guns, our god, and our religions, and our Constitution. Tell us that we’re not red enough? Yeah, coming from the establishment. Right. Well, he being the only one who’s been willing, he’s got the guts to wear the issues that need to be spoken about and debate on his sleeve, where the rest of some of these establishment candidates, they just wanted to duck and hide.”
– who else? Sarah Palin
EVERYTHING ELSE
Do People Hand You Full Bottles As You Walk Down The Street Just For Being Fabulous? If Not…
“Money doesn’t make you happy. Wine does.”
– Eva Longoria
You May Want To Stay Away From Eva Longoria, Then…
“My signature scent probably is…red wine. I’m sure it’s always seeping from my pores.”
– Jennifer Lawrence
Did He Really Say That?
I Didn’t Realize That Automatons Could Cry!
“I was affected by it, but I thought we should’ve had the same kind of reaction when James Foley was beheaded, when San Bernardino and Paris occurred. That’s the kind of reaction I had when those occurred.”
– Paul Ryan, on President Obama’s tears when addressing the children who were murdered at Sandy Hook
Mother Teresa? Please! Do You Have Any Idea How Little Her Net Worth Was When She Died?
I am “the most successful Albanian to ever walk the face of this Earth.”
– Martin Shkreli
I Sure Would Want my Money Back on THAT Crystal Ball!
It is “unlikely to result in a substantial lessening or prevention of competition in any relevant market.”
– Competition Bureau conclusion after its investigation of the sale of Quebecor’s English-language newspapers to Postmedia
That’s A Lot Of Terrorist Units To Come Out Of One Ass, Sir
“You would have, for a group of 10,000 [refugees], at just a one per cent failure rate, between five to eight terrorist units each capable of doing [to] one of our cities what they did to Paris …If you then multiply numbers for the 25,000 contemplated in Canada, you could be looking at [between] 12 and 20 terrorist units.”
– “noted terrorist expert” David B. Harris explains to the US Senate’s Homeland Security Committee why Americans should fear Canada’s refugee policy
But, Your System Of Poisoning The Minds Of Adults Is So…Inefficient!
“She had been born a boy but had insisted from the age of three that she had a girl’s name and wore girls’ clothes and, later, that she went to a girls’ school. And her parents had simply indulged this whim. I was horrified. I wanted to seek them out and explain that they were free to live a lunatic life, washing their armpits with charcoal and liking Jeremy Corbyn’s thoughts on how ballistic nuclear submarines must be built by the comrades and then used as flower pots. But they must not, and I was going to emphasize this with spittle, be allowed to poison the mind of a child.”
– British TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson recounting the harrowing saga of his friends inviting a transgender girl to their eight-year-old daughter’s birthday party
Have You Been Talking To Your Mullah Friends Again?
“If it’s a woman’s natural inclination to pull her nipple out in public and you support that, than you should have no problem with a mans inclantion [sic] to stare at it and grab it. After all…It’s ALL relative and natural, right?”
– New Hampshire Republican Representative Josh Moore
We’re Just A Journalism Corporation – The Only Fact That Matters To Us Is Our Bottom Line
“If it wasn’t for Golden Tree Asset Management, this chain may not be in existence today, because there were no Canadians who stepped up…”
– Postmedia CEO Paul Godfrey explaining why he had to sell virtual control of the Canadian newspaper chain to an American hedge fund
“How about Torstar?”
– John Honderich, chair of the Torstar board
And, Speaking Of An Actress Who Takes Her Roles Home With Her…
“We have to make up our minds. Either we want to have segregation or integration. If we don’t want segregation, then we need to get rid of channels like BET and the BET Awards and the [NAACP] Image Awards, where you are only awarded if you are black.”
– Clueless star Stacey Dash
OMG, They’re Not Even Trying To Make Sense Any More!
“Wind is a finite resource and harnessing it would slow the winds down which would cause the temperature to go up.”
– Republican Joe Barton, Chair of the House-Senate energy conference committee and author of the Energy Policy Act of 2005
We Don’t Threaten To Let Other Canadians Freeze In The Dark…Oh, Wait…
“Quite frankly, Canadians help other Canadians when they are facing tough times. That’s just how Canada works, and that’s what we’re going to do.”
– Prime Minister Justin Trudeau pledging to help Alberta weather plunging oil prices