Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
When you think about it, a man’s penis is very odd. The shape, I mean. In fact, other things are odd about it, too. But, I wanted to ask you a question specifically about its shape. Of course, I could ask you questions about other aspects of –
I think I should start again.
When you think about it, a man’s penis is very odd. It’s a long, thin tube with a tepee at the end of it. Or, maybe with its curved head, it would better be described as ending in a yurt. The point is, it’s bigger at the end than in the middle. And, as if that isn’t enough, it usually comes packed in a layer of skin that you have to peel away – sort of like peel and eat shrimp, except without the seafood sauce. Unless you like it with seafood sauce, in which case, more power to you, sister. Me, I’m more of a horse radish girl, myse –
Okay, sorry about that. So, my question is: given how strange the penis looks, doesn’t it prove the existence of god?
Sincerely,
Magdalena from Moncton
Yo, Mags,
First off, men don’t refer to their 24 hour on-call love spanner as a p…p…p – the “p” word. That’s harsh and cold and the Tech Answer Guy is getting the shivers just thinking about it. BRR! When you want to speak of it, use what is sure to soon become my all-time favourite euphemism: the peepee tepee. In fact, to encourage the use of the term, I will use peepee tepee as often as I can in my future writing!
Secondly, you can make fun of a man’s peepee tepee all you want (although we wish you wouldn’t), but however goofy the design looks, it works, if the ever-increasing population of the world is any indication. And, I think it is an indication. A damn fine indication. Of…of a lot of things. So, okay, maybe peepee tepees are about as cute and cuddly as a newly born alien, but they get the job done, and that’s all the Macho Code of Manliness asks for.
In the third place, the modern peepee tepee (admit it: the term is growing on you, isn’t it?) is the product of millions of years of evolution (not including the period of Devo, which roughly corresponds to the period of tight spandex, although no causation either way has ever been definitely proven). Evolutionary trial and error (and mistrial and retrial and various appeals) shows us that, as freaky (and I use that term in its clinical sense – its Mayonnaise Clinical sense, actually) as the current design looks, it’s probably the best we can hope for.
Lemme give you an example. Roughly 200,000 years ago, a short-lived offshoot of humanity called Homo dummassicus evolved a conical peepee tepee. Unfortunately, only the top 15 per cent of this member could actually penetrate a woman’s club entrance, if you know what I mean, making reproduction very, very difficult.
Not convinced? Lemme give you another example. Perhaps another 100,000 years before that (but it doesn’t look a day over 79,000!), a peepee tepee (how can you not love such an adorable phrase?) emerged that had a porous, almost sponge-like quality. Boners found in an archeological dig in Tunis suggest that this lasted only one generation; theorists believe that they soaked up the sperm faster than they could ejaculate it, making reproduction very, very impossible.
Still not convinced? Hunh! – tough crowd! How’s about this example? Cave paintings as much as 150,000 years before that (and two doors down) show that the average peepee tepee of certain tribes in the south of Italy had heads that looked like what we would now recognize as the face of Rodney Dangerfield. This had the effect of making women’s eggs laugh so hard that they scared the sperm coming at them away, making reproduction very, very silly.
Given the historical alternatives, you have to admit the superiority of modern peepee tepee construction. Of course, evolution doesn’t stop just because we do. In the future, we can look forward to men’s peepee tepees (yeah, well, when this phrase makes the OED, maybe then you’ll take it seriously!) evolving into their perfect form: sentient gas clouds free from physical encumberments!
No god necessary.
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: the more ridiculous what I write sounds, the truer it must be. After all, unless otherwise noted, I get all my information from Wiwipedia, the most trusted information source of high school essay writers throughout the world!