Yo, Tech Answer Guy,
When I was a kid, I remember getting a colouring book about the laying of Canada’s first transcontinental oil pipeline. I was thrilled to know that the image I was colouring of Canadian Pacific Pipelines (CPP) financier Donald Smith making the last strike for oil in Craigellachie, British Columbia was the same one that appeared in all of the history books. And, a mural on Parliament Hill. And, coffee mugs. And, t-shirts. And, bumper stickers. And, breakfast cereals. And, pamphlets demanding protection for hoot owl habitats (CPP must have paid a hefty price for that one!). And, even though the package of crayons that came with the book only contained shades of red and white, making colouring Mister Smith’s greatcoat and top hat an especial challenge, having it in my youth gave me a view of how important a pipeline across the whole of Canada was to the building and identity of this nation.
It is with some sorrow, then, that I have watched over the last 30 years as successive Liberal (and, to their shame, Conservative) governments have slowly starved the public pipeline of funds, to the point where it can no longer fulfill its primary mandate of supplying Canadians with quality Canadian oil content. Relentless pressure on the government from private pipelines contributed to this, although the whole point of public pipelines is that they will do what the private pipelines cannot (such as have extra safeguards to ensure no oil spills into rivers, streams or beer vats).
The CPP will live on, I suppose, but it is a shadow of its former self that is no longer central to Canadians’ understanding of who we are. As these symbols of our nation’s history are undermined and shunted aside, I can’t help but wonder: what will keep this country together?
Sincerely,
Otto from Ottawa
Yo, Otts,
Duuuuuude! Nostalgic much?
I may not know much about politics, but even I knew that it was only a matter of time before we reached pique oil (the point at which right-wing pundits’ anger towards those who claimed oil was being used up would itself be used up and quickly start to deflate). For that matter, I may not know much about keeping the tense consistent within a sentence, but at least my language skills always would have been considered right if my readers didn’t, you know, read so damn much!
Let me put it another way: has the true history of the CPP been retconned right out of your brain? Do you not remember, for instance, the ugly incident where one of the Chinamen who was allowed into the country to work on the pipeline went berserk and killed over a dozen innocent bulldozers and tractor-trailers? Or The Great Laughlin, Alberta mudslide that wiped out several months of work and threatened to derail the whole project? Is that really worth celebrating?
Really?
I mean, really?
No, no, think about it before you answer. Really?
You’re not giving my points the serious consideration that they deserve. Try ag – no, no, just try, okay? Think about the whole history of the CPP rather than just the colouring book version. Is that really worth celebrating?
Five reallys, and you’re still not willing to reconsider? You are one stubborn bastard, Otts.
In any case, oil pipelines are so last century. We live in the communication age – get with the digital programme! Farcebook! Godreads! Emoticons! Spam! Unless you use a gasoline-powered computer (and why would you do that to the poor environment? – oh, right, the whole stubborn bastard thing…), by now the old symbols should be meaningless to you.
What Canada needs is a new institution of national unity, one that has nothing to do with pipelines. Since this is the Communications Age, The Tech Answer Guy (yes, I went third person on you – since you sloughed off the five reallys, I had to do something to show you how serious I am!) thinks the government should be looking into some sort of communications agency. It could, perhaps, start on radio, then move into television, then develop online components. Yes. Yes, a national communications organization – that’s just what Canada needs to bring it into the twenty-first century!
The Tech Answer Guy
If you are a dude with a question about the latest technology, ask The Tech Answer Guy by sending it to questions@lespagesauxfolles.ca. Just remember: politics isn’t exactly my strong suit, so if you were to have sent me questions on the subject, you will have to be satisfied with whatever answers I were to came up wi – DAMN TENSES ANYWAY!