Thank you, Kukla AND Fran NOT Ollie, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we thought, If your entire belief system is threatened because a few girls believe they were born in the bodies of boys, how strong could it possibly be? Then we thought: Please don’t dox us. We’re self-employed, and the last time we tried to fire ourselves because of private information that had been anonymously released on the Internet to our great embarrassment, things got ugly. Like, suing ourselves for wrongful dismissal ugly. Nobody wants that – not even our lawyer, who may have been well compensated by both her clients, but who was also very, very confused…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
His Co-author Will Be Bazooka Joe
With a new unflattering book coming out about his administration every couple of…hours, President Donald Trump has threatened to write his own book. It should be a great read, too. Does anybody remember those books you used to get in gumball machines?
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.44.71/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Brevity Is The Soul Of Lack Of Career Advancement
New research shows that men are more likely to speak in business conference calls, and their statements tend to be longer than those of women, even when discussing the same subject or answering the same questions. A couple of examples might give some hints as to why this is.
EXAMPLE ONE
MALE EXECUTIVE: The variables within the paradigm are multiple and interact in complex ways that we can only partially understand, making a definitive answer risk forward at this juncture.
FEMALE EXECUTIVE: Maybe.
EXAMPLE TWO
MALE EXECUTIVE: In any complex data set, there are known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns.
FEMALE EXECUTIVE: In any complex data set, there are known knowns, known unknowns and –
SECOND MALE EXECUTIVE: So, you’re saying that you don’t know.
FEMALE EXECUTIVE: Umm…well…okay…yes.
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=599&dir=bb]
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Which Confused Us Because We Had Never Performed In The Rocky Horror Show
The Ontario Chamber of Commerce is demanding the repeal of Bill 148, which raised the minimum wage, created equal pay protections for temporary workers and offered paid emergency leave days. “We were frustrated that the process had moved very quickly and that employers were not able to have their voices heard and represented in the legislation,” complained OCC spokesweasel Ashley Challinor.
How does she respond to the fact that there were two years of consultations with workers, employers and labour advocates across the province, including public hearings in 13 cities, two rounds of public submissions from stakeholders and 10 independent academic research reports? We tried to consult with her, but her secretary said that she didn’t “consort with riffraff.”
SOURCE: The Financial Riposte
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/financialriposte/story.html?id=49ddccd11-f6f3-4f4f-9f25-a2eb4cc6a528]
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Good Thing He Doesn’t Believe In Evolution, Or The President Would Have To Answer For This
In recent media coverage, President Donald Trump has been portrayed as rigid in his political stands. Anybody who has been paying attention to his evolving position on the devastation in Puerto Rico after Hurricane Maria would know that this isn’t the case:
Only 64 people died in Puerto Rico because of Hurricane Maria. We did a great job.
Okay, maybe a few more died because of Hurricane Maria…maybe as many as 100. It could have been much worse, though – FEMA and my government did a great job.
The number of people who died because of Hurricane Maria was not 3,000 – that’s fake news. The job the federal government did was great.
YOU ARE HERE: If 3,000 people did die because of Hurricane Maria, it wasn’t because of Hurricane Maria – it was because the power grid in Puerto Rico had long been in disrepair. Because, you know, my government did a fantastic job of dealing with the aftermath of the hurricane.
Okay, 3,000 people died in Puerto Rico, but that was because of the alien invasion that happened at the same time as Hurricane Maria. If you didn’t hear about the alien tripods killing people in the streets with heat rays, it was because the fake media refused to cover it. And, oh, yeah, we did a helluva good job. Best job ever.
Only 64 people died in Puerto Rico because of Hurricane Maria because we did a phenomenal job of saving people. Anything else anybody might have said is FN, people. The fakest.
SOURCE: Politics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=964&dir=bb]
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You Don’t Like Her Government? So Suu Kyi Her!
700,000 refugees) State Counsellor (a position close to Prime Minister) Aung San Suu Kyi has stated that the Burmese government’s treatment of its Muslim Rohingya minority “could have been handled better.” How?
a) before it set fire to thousands of Rohingya homes, the military could have posted signs claiming that “urban renewal is on its way!”
b) before its mass rape of Rohingya women, the military could have bought them all dinner
c) before it started arbitrarily killing thousands of Rohingya, the military could have distributed copies of Camus’ The Stranger to show them the futility of the existence the military was about to relieve them of
1 Nobel Peace prize later) In response to two Reuters news agency reporters getting seven years in prison on charges of possessing state secrets for exposing the extrajudicial killing of 10 Rohingya men and boys, Suu Kyi also said that, “The case has been tried in open court. If anyone feels there has been a miscarriage of justice, I would like them to point it out.” What are the odds that anybody will take her up on her offer?
a) not good – Donald Trump’s antics take all attention away from international politics
b) slim – kangaroos aren’t native to Burma, and they had to be flown in specifically for the trial
c) none – see the answers to question 700,000 refugees)
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Anybody Can Keep A Campaign Promise
It Takes A Real Leader To Keep A Promise That WASN’T Made On The Campaign!
In order to justify invoking the notwithstanding clause of the Charter of Rights and Freedoms to override a court ruling against his government’s plan to reduce the number of seats on Toronto City Council in the middle of an election, Ontario Premier Doug Ford stated: “We were elected on making sure we fix this city.”
To which Toronto Mayor John Tory politely replied, “I would have said that the Premier was having an acid flashback to four years ago, but I don’t know of any acid quite that strong!”
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831831&call_pageid=958335278492&col=978038972154]
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