STRANGE RUMBLINGS FROM THE BASKET OF DEPLORABLES
Consider It The Hydroxychloroquine And Azithromycin Of Rational Discourse
“To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead.”
– Thomas Paine,”The American Crisis”
This Is What Would Happen If Carrie Grew Up To Be A Medical Practitioner
“I’m covered in Jesus’ blood… I go to the grocery store every day! I’m in Walmart, Home Depot. Look at those people. They could get me sick! But they’re not, because I’m covered in His blood.”
– an Ohio woman interviewed by CNN
Good Luck Trying To Distribute Items In Your Stockpile To Americans Who Don’t Live In States
“The notion of the federal stockpile was it’s supposed to be our stockpile. It’s not supposed to be state’s stockpiles that they then use.”
– Jared Kushner
I Hear Tulip Tea Makes A Great Cure For The Coronavirus…
“It’s the panic; it’s the toilet paper buy now.”
– appliance shop owner Deb Austin on why there appears to be a run on freezers
As The Buddha Truly Said:”There Are No Memory Holes.”
“I had to fire General Flynn because he lied to the Vice President and the FBI. He has plead guilty to those lies.”
– President Donald Trump, December 2, 2017
“He was an innocent man. He was targeted by the Obama administration. He was targeted to try and take down a president. I hope a big price is going to be paid.”
– President Donald Trump, December 7, 2020
Convincing Women That Showing Your Roots Was Fashionable Might Take More Work, But It Would Require Fewer Coffins
Probably
“This is not a priority, but women have to get their hair done. I saw someone tweeted out, ‘You’re gonna see what real colour our hair is, because our roots are gonna grow in.’ All my friends are saying, you know, this is not a priority. People are dying, and I realize that, but they can’t get their nails done.”
– Fox and Friends co-host Ainsley Earhardt
Level Playing Field? How Would That be Fair? We Prefer To Pay A Private Contractor To Pave Over The Playing Field
“The things they had in there were crazy… If you’d ever agreed to it, you’d never have a Republican election in this country again.”
– President Donald Trump explaining why he opposed Democratic reforms that would make it easier for Americans to vote
Apparently, It’s Easier For Some People To Ignore That Pile Of Bodies In The Corner Than Others
“I am not a cold-hearted monster. Nature does this every so often – it wipes out a bunch of us.”
– California lawyer Scott McMillan, echoing President Trump’s line saying it didn’t make sense to tank an economy in order to save people who are ‘expensive’ and ‘not productive’
You’re Never Going To Get The Attention You Crave By Pulling a Stupid Stunt Like – Doh!
“I represent the whole Gen Z population in that I’m not terrified of it. I was with thousands of people at spring break. I was kissing people, I was acting out, I was being promiscuous…and nothing happened… I was, like, really annoyed that corona was getting more publicity than me.”
– Ava Louise on why she posted a video of her licking a toilet seat as part of a COVID-19 joke
Cause Averts Its Eyes, Embarrassed, While Effect Has Rushed Out Of Town Without Leaving A Forwarding Address
“When you test, you have a case. When you test, you find something is wrong with people. If we didn’t do any testing we would have very few cases.”
– President Donald Trump
Some People Have More Than The Blood Of Jesus On Their Hands
“God, in the name of Jesus, I want to touch her; I want you to heal her body.”
– Louisiana pastor Reverend Tony Spell defies the stay-at-home order and holds services for hundreds of his parishioners
LEST YOU THINK THAT NOBODY OUTSIDE THE BoD SAID ANYTHING QUOTE-WORTHY…
It Would Be Much Easier If Restaurants Would Put Curtains Around Them
“There really is no middle ground. It’s very tough to say to people, ‘Hey, keep going to restaurants, go buy new houses, ignore that pile of bodies in the corner.”
– Bill Gates, who has given $100 million to blunt the COVID-19 pandemic
Were You EVER A Teenager?
“We all have to ask ourselves, what is the cost of a life? Is a life worth a picnic in a park? Is it worth going to the beach? Is a life worth having a few cold ones with your buddies in the basement? The answer is no.”
– Ontario Premier Doug Ford
We Monitor Everything That Goes On In These Spaces, So If People Weren’t Happy With Them, We Would Know!
“People think that we’ve eroded [privacy] or contributed to eroding it. I would actually argue that we have done privacy innovations, which have given people new types of private or semiprivate spaces in which they can come together and express themselves.”
– Mark Zuckerberg, Facebook god
I Don’t Remember Ever Being Able To Buy Shredded Turbans At Eatons
“You should cut your turban off. You’ll look like a Canadian.”
– a voter to NDP leader Jagmeet Singh
Apparently, Open Carry Laws Do Not Apply To Light Sabres
“All the signs say ‘Star Wars.’ The music that was playing in the parking lot was ‘Star Wars…’ If it’s a duck, it’s a duck, right? It should have been common sense.”
– Brad Whalen, owner of the Coco Vanilla Galactic Cantina, after police tackled and bloodied the nose of an employee dressed like an Imperial stormtrooper on “May the 4th Be With You” day
Some Of Us Will Get There Sooner Than Others…
“We cannot be confined…everybody is going to go crazy if we keep that up for months.”
– Dr. Horacio Arruda, Quebec’s director of public health, on the province easing the isolation restrictions of seniors over 70 who are healthy
So…You Won’t Be Using The Star Wars Cantina?
Perhaps It’s Just As Well – You Don’t Want An Overzealous Cop Bursting In And Violently Arresting MPs
“Based on established practice, these backgrounds should be as neutral as possible.”
– Commons Speaker Anthony Rota on using images in the background of virtual Parliament sittings
I Laugh At The State Of The World All The Time
My Friends Have Been Helpfully Sending Me Links To Web Sites About Hysteria
“If I didn’t laugh at it sometimes, I would have been freaked out all the time. Humour is a coping device.”
– Rachel Matlow, author