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Headlines Don’t Ask, Don’t Smell

Death
Devastation
Pancakes


“What are possible futures for Iran?”

– Toronto Star


If You Drink Enough Of Them


“Are celebrity-crafted whiskies any good?”

– Toronto Star


Who Is Your Peer – Hannibal Lecter‽


“Am I a jerk for not wanting to let industry peers pick my brain?”

– Globe and Mail


A Band Aid And A Lot Of Opioids


“What does health care mean to Americans?”

– Toronto Star


Not Unless They Want To Incur The Wrath Of The Internet Research Agency


“SHOOTING FOR GOLD
Will the World Anti-Doping Agency live up to the ideals of sport and ban Russia from the Olympics and Paralympics?”

– Globe and Mail


Not Since It Started Picking Up Satellite Radio


“Is your toothpaste boring?”

– Toronto Star


What Would Robert Johnson Do?


“Federal Tories find themselves at crossroads
Can Peter MacKay finally answer the questions that haunt the Conservatives?”

– Toronto Star


He’ll Always Be At Least 70 Kilometres Away


“PM’s new term could be shaped by how he handles this crisis
Is Trudeau willing to distance himself from a rogue neighbour?”

– Globe and Mail


Do Any Adult Archies Any More?


“But will baby Archie grow up saying ‘eh’?”

– Toronto Star


With A Blank Check


“Should Toronto’s graffiti artists be getting paid?
Message says tour operators exploit artists, but how do you compensate anonymous work?”

– Toronto Star


Take The Parts Of Each Diet That Support The Food That You Already Eat


“Picking out the good bits
They’re the super-diets we keep hearing about: keto, vegan, intermittent fasting. But how do you take the best parts of each and make a diet you can stick to?”

– Toronto Star


The Past
Is This Some Kind Of Trick Question?


“What is the Conservative future?”

– Globe and Mail


I Don’t Know – WHAT HAPPENED IN 2019?


“What happened in 2019?”

– Toronto Star

“Was 2019 Canada’s horrible year?”


– Toronto Sun


Oh, What Has Rob Done This Time?


“A case of déjà vu all over again at Lowe’s?”

– Toronto Star


Be Fair! They Hardly Ever Wait Until The Body Has Started To Decompose Any More!


“Are Canadian boards too slow to fire CEOs?”

– Globe and Mail


I Hope So, Because Eh, Bee And Cee Were Useless!


“Can Dee meet our spending challenge?”

– Toronto Star


If You Work For The Government, Yes
If You Work For The Mob, You Might Want To Think More Carefully About It


“Should I snitch on a cheater?”

– Toronto Star


Women Seem To Think So


“Does it pay to invest in gender diversity?”

– Globe and Mail


Too Many Spanish People


“What’s the matter with Spain?”

– Toronto Star


Because “This Is Why You’re Not Allowed To Have Nice Things” Is Too Popular A Laugh Line


“Why can’t we have beauty?”

– Toronto Star


If So, It May Be The Only Thing They Do Ethically


“Can only the rich eat ethically?”

– Globe and Mail


Can I Wear It Around The House?


“Want an album with that T-shirt?”

– Toronto Star


No, Just In The Fantasy League


“A ‘middle class’ minister? For real?”

– Toronto Star


Shave Your Head To Atone For Your Sins


“How can I move on from my long-term stylist without feeling disloyal?

– Globe and Mail


It Would Be A Very Different Tale


“What if Little Mermaid kept her tail?”

– Toronto Star


I Did Up Until Last Month…


“Want to increase the odds of your marriage surviving?”

– Globe and Mail


After The Apocalypse, It Will Look Very Post-apocalyptic When The Flowers Grow Out Of It


“What’s the point of the 407 if we can’t afford to use it?”

– Toronto Star


Sure. He Can Always Leverage His Primary Residence For Investment Funds, Even If It Is Now A Cardboard Box


“His international investments did terribly.
Should this Canadian investor try again?”

– Globe and Mail


If You’re Using The Cables From Your Car, Probably Not


“I’ve boosted my energy, but am I sleeping better?”

– Toronto Star


Zyzzyva


“THE LAST WORD
What role do encyclopedias play in the modern world?”

– Globe and Mail


Absolutely! If Necessary, The Pessimism Of 2020 Can Last The Rest Of The Decade!


“The pessimism of 2020: Is there enough time?”

– Toronto Star


Sure – When You’ve Been Dead For Six Months


“Entrepreneurs: Can you really take the afternoon off?”

– Globe and Mail


For Papa Smirnov’s Magic Elixir Of Youthe, And Johnson’s Newfangled Stirrups


“What ads will Canadians see during the Super Bowl?”

– Toronto Star


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