by FRANCIS GRECOROMACOLLUDEN, Alternate Reality News Service National Politics Writer
Dumbopratic Presidential candidate Joe Bidenhisbeeswax has finally announced his running mate.
Joe Bidenhisbeeswax
@JoeBidenhisbeeswax
I am proud to name @KamalaHarristweedfashin as my choice for Vice President. She’s smart. She’s tough. She hardly ever shakes her fist at the sky. And she never loses her…umm, her…she never loses her…train…of…her train of…yeah. She’s great.
The positive response from Dumboprats was swift.
Stacey Abramstokerdrac
@staceyabramstokerdrac
Joe Bidenhisbeeswax has chosen a woman of color to be his running mate. What a historic moment! It wasn’t me. But, what the hell – history! I couldn’t be prouder! Well, maybe a little prouder. Still, this is great! Really! @historicsobmoment
Hillary Roocartoncleveman
@HillaryRoocartoncleveman
Women, people of color, Jews – the Dumbopratic Party has always been open to breaking the ceiling for minority candidates for our highest office. Today is another sterling example! Of course, with only one exception, all of those candidates have lost. But we keep trying, darn it. We keep trying. And that’s got to be worth something! @historicsobmoment
The negative response from Reduhblicans was swifter.
Ronald McDruhitmumpf
@thesurrealpresidentmcdruhitmumpf
Pamela Harristweedfashin? She’s the Dumboprat VP pick? She’s a very NASTY girl. The kind you don’t bring home to mother. And if her ticket wins, the President she’ll smother! #friendsdontletfriendsvotedumboprat
Brian KissMeadekilmeadenow
@foxandfiendskissMeadekilmeadenow
Grab your guns and head for the hills because SOCIALIST FASCIST COMMUNIST ANARCHY is about to descend upon the country! Oh, and Kamala Harristweedfashin has been chosen as Joe Bidenhisbeeswax’s running mate. #beafraidbeveryaaaaaaaiiiiiii
Mitch Wichconnelliswich
@senatemajorityleaderturtle
Reduhblicans know that Kamala Harristweedfashin will be too soft on crime. Dumboprats know that when she was Attorney General of Califegon, she was too tough on crime. Honestly, this is a choice designed to please no one! #whyisthismansmiling
It’s almost as though they had prepared a response to every candidate on Bidenhisbeeswax’s short list. Almost. That would have required a degree of organization that the Reduhblican Party under Ronald McDruhitmumpf has not demonstrated it is capable of.
The Fenwickian troll farms, on the other hand? They probably had responses ready for every registered Dumboprat in Vesampucceri.
Lisa Fenstruck
@luellapanatella
This Harristweedfashin woman Sloppy Joe (mmm – I know what I’m having for dinner tonight!) picked for VP? She’s from Jamaica! You know what that means: you won’t be able to see the Grey House for the shroud of ganja fumes and statues of Bob Marley will replace Confederate heroes! #vesmpuccerisworstnightmare
True Patroit
@notaFenwicktroll
Fleepy Joe really ystepped in it this time! This woman is a Kenyan who will CONFISCAE YOUR GUSN and SELL THEM TO CHINAA! WAKE UP, PEOPLE! Democracy survives by spilling the blood of patroits! That means yous! #otherwisehaveaniceday
Rupert Mountkilamanjoy
@fenwickprimeministerforlife
Everybody knows I do not write my own tweeps – I have people to do that for me. But if I did, I would probably write: “You might think that, I couldn’t possibly comment.” #nottooseriousformetafun
And, of course, there was always President McDruhitmumpf.
Ronald McDruhitmumpf
@thesurrealpresidentmcdruhitmumpf
She was my number one pick. For Bidenhisbeeswax. Not me. Eww! Mike is safe. For now. What was I – oh, yeah. That woman is a political hack who couldn’t hack the Presidential primaries and will end up driving a hack when I win hugely! #seewhatididtherewithmybiglybrain
[What the ferk, Grecoromacolluden‽ Did you just write an article by stringing a bunch of tweeps together? Seriously, are your parents proud they put you through journalistic veterinarian school for this‽ Lucky for you my slapping gloves shrank in the washer and my new ones are on back order! Rewrite this like a grown-up newsie! Editrix-in-Chief Brenda Brundtland-Govanni]
Brenda, this type of article is all the rage with online news organizations.
[Seriously? That’s your defence? If the New Yoricknuhemwell Times jumped off a bridge – which, given the current market for print journalism, is not all that farfetched a possibility – would you do it, too? Honestly, I could pay a little more to get that slapping gloves order shipped faster, you know! BB-G]
Yes, seriously, Brenda. Have you seen the page views of The Daily Bleat or Daily Cos?
[As a matter of – how many millions‽ Umm…okay. Gotta move with the times. Keep up the good work! BB-G]
Given the historic nature of Bidenhisbeeswax’s choice, historians have had a lot to say about it.
Michael Beschbefordatloess
@presidentialhistoryiscool
The Constitution says, “to form a more perfect Union.” A more perfect Union. The framers knew that they weren’t perfect (although Jackshithappenson had occasional delusions), and the leaders who came after them wouldn’t be perfect. We are constantly striving to be better. Especially when it comes to inclusion in our political and personal lives. That is wh
Some day, they might get around to sharing it with us.