God had seen enough.
So, god sent Gabriel down to earth to announce that the big game had been canceled on account of sin. Gabriel rode out of the sky on a pure white winged steed, trumpet blaring, to get the attention of the human race so that he could deliver the news.
And, nobody noticed.
Gabriel touched down in a buy street in Los Angeles. “People of the world,” he cried, “I am the Angel Gabriel, come to tell you -“
The cars that started backing up behind Gabriel began to honk. “Get that horse off the street!” somebody shouted. “I’m not cleaning up after it!” The horse, used to fire and brimstone, stayed calm, but Gabriel was getting spooked, so he dismounted and walked his steed to the nearest curb.
“Spare a quarter?” a bum, shuffling up to Gabriel, asked.
“You’ll not be needing money any more,” Gabriel calmly stated. I -“
“Thanks,” the bum hissed, walking off.
“People of the world,” Gabriel started again, “I -“
A police officer walked up to the angel. “Excuse me, sir,” he interrupted, “but, do you have a permit for this horse?”
Gabriel looked at him in disbelief. “I the Angel Gabriel,” he insisted, “come to announce the end of the world!”
“Oh? Yeah?” the police officer scoffed. Then, he brightened a bit: “You were just on Carson, right?”
Gabriel sputtered, confused.
“Well, I’ll let you go this time,” the officer said, “but you’ll have to be moving on. We got sanitation laws in this city, you know…”
Gabriel started to move away, when he was approached by a greasy little man. “Say,” the man whispered, “did I hear youse right? Are ya really the Angel Gabriel?”
“Yes.”
“No shit,” the man said. “My name’s Gabriel. Gabriel Leroux. I’m a…a talent agent, you could say. If you don’t mind my saying so, you’re going about this end of the world business all wrong…”
“Oh?”
“Sure,” Leroux stated. “But, the street ain’t exactly the best place to convoise, if you catch my meaning. Let’s adjoin to my office.” Leroux led gabriel to a run-down, three story building in a seedy part of the city. “You’ll, ah, have ta leave the horse out here,” he told Gabriel. “The super don’t allow pets.”
Gabriel dismounted and followed Leroux up two flights of stairs into a dark, dingy, sparsely furnished office. One naked bulb gave the place inadequate light. “Care for a drink?” Leroux asked.
“No, thank you,” Gabriel answered. “Please, what help can you offer me?”
“Aah, a man of business,” Leroux commented, taking a whisky bottle out of a desk drawer. “I admires that. Okay, Gabriel, the problem, as I see it, is that there are too many messages competing in the marketplace out there. Nobody can hear a word you say – are you sure you won’t sit down?”
“No,” Gabriel responded, unmoving. “I’m not sure I understand…”
Leroux wiped the neck of the bottle with a filthy sleeve and took a gulp from it. “The world is going to end,” he explained. “Buy more soap. Brush after every meal. Eat our kind of turkey or you will die a painful death. Don’t drink and drive. We’re constantly being bombarded by messages. What you need is a modern approach, something that’ll make your message stand out from all the others…”
“But,” Gabriel protested, “I bring the word of god!”
Leroux stared thoughtfully at the angel. “Well, yeah,” he finally said, “I guess that is something in your favour. Still, I don’t know about the next woild, but, in this one, the woid of god don’t mean diddley unless you can get people to pay attention to it.”
“How can I do that?”
“Well,” Leroux took a deep breath, “I love your act. Coming down out of the sky, trumpet blaring. It’s a natural. Only, I think you’re gonna need to amplify it a bit..”
Gabriel gulped. “What did you have in mind?”
“Speakers,” Leroux expounded. “Stacked higher than the Empire State Building. Thousands of ’em. That’ll get people’s attention!”
“I see.”
“And,” Leroux continued, getting more excited by every word, “you’ll need something visual to hold their attention while you’re giving them your shpiel. A neon angel…I see a huge neon angel on a winged horse of neon. It’s poifect.”
“You think so?” Gabriel asked, dubious.
“If it’s big enough, it can’t miss,” Leroux said, dollar signs dancing in front of his eyes. “You’ll make the six o’clock news fer sure. Trust me…”
A week later, Gabriel returned to god’s side. “Do they know that I am coming to judge them?” god asked him.
“Yes,” the angel replied, “but…”
“Yes?” god asked.
“Well, you may not like the electricity bill…”