Thank you, the joker and the cat wrangler, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we attended a management seminar about “quiet quitting.” At first, it didn’t seem like such a bad thing. We had become sick and tired of “loud quitting,” where newly former employees stormed out of the office swearing at the tops of their lungs and kicking anything that didn’t look like it would kick back. We had to replace more potted plants that way!
Then, it dawned on us that quiet quitting was actually when employees refused to work extra hours unless they were paid for them. And we thought, But that would defeat the whole purpose of laying off people and distributing the workload to those employees who remained without adding to their salaries! We’re not running a charity, here!
Labour relations in the 21st century are hard.
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
You Want Consistency From MAGAts?
You’ve Got A Snowflakes’ Chance In Hell!
Why are people so mean? In the case of former President Donald Trump, it’s because he’s a narcissistic sociopath who would rather burn his entire country to the ground than accept the consequences of his illegal behaviour. Other people may have other reasons. I would hope that other people have other reasons. Please, god, let other people have other reasons!
This is not the only case where Republicans engage in behaviour they decry on the left. The party that loudly complains about cancel culture is happy to ban books from libraries. The party that wears personal freedom from government interference like a badge of honour is busy taking away people’s rights. The party that demands free and fair elections is doing its best to disenfranchise millions of voters.
George Orwell must look on the Basket of Deplorables and think in despair, I wrote Nineteen Eighty-four as a warning, not an instruction manual!
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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You Better Have A Lot Of Bandages Near You When You Read This Poem
Shakespeare Really Started Something
By the pricking of my forehead
Something wicked eats crackers in bed
By the pricking of my eyelids
Something wicked enjoys torturing aphids
By the pricking of my chin
Something wicked learns no lesson
By the pricking of my shoulders
Something wicked hides behind boulders
By the pricking of my thumbs
Something wicked this way comes
By the pricking of my middle fingers
Something wicked likes to tell zingers
By the pricking of my pinkies
Something wicked is quite stinky
By the pricking of my knees
Something wicked likes to eat bees
By the pricking of my shins
Something wicked eats out of garbage bins
By the pricking of my toes
Something wicked parties with bros
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/838.html]
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They May Not Be Organized, But This Biblical Figure Sure Has A Lot Of Followers!
An Ontario human rights tribunal has ruled against a person who claimed that the vaccine mandate that kept him from teaching in-person classes went against his creed of “personal autonomy” and “individual choice.” The adjudicator in the case wrote that the applicant’s “creed” didn’t have an overarching systemic component, address the question of human existence or form a nexus to any organization or community with a shared belief system.
In future, applicants may get a more favourable ruling if they proclaim themselves followers of Onan.
SOURCE: Religion For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/religionfordummies/home.asp?did=571&dir=bb]
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Just Because You Sing About A Crazy Train Doesn’t Mean You Want To Be On One As It Jumps The Rails And Goes Over A Cliff
Ozzy Osbourne has stated that he is done with America. “Everything’s fucking ridiculous there,” he said. “I’m fed up with people getting killed every day. God knows how many people have been shot in school shootings. And there was that mass shooting in Vegas at that concert… It’s fucking crazy.”
You know conditions in a country must be bad when Ozzy Osbourne thinks they’re crazy!
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
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Them’s Fightin’ Words!
…After I See The Second Half Of The Season…There Are Only Six Episodes…I’ll Be Ready By Midnight…One AM At The Latest!
September 6 was Fight Procrastination Day. I had my boxing gloves on and patiently sat on my sofa waiting for Procrastination to show up. After an hour, I got bored and started binge-watching the final season of Better Call Saul. Do you have any idea how hard it is to work a TV remote with boxing gloves on?
SOURCE: The Amazing Chocolate Yummies Blog
[http://www.chocoyummies.net/]
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Index All The Rage
A polling company has developed a monthly “rage index” to determine what Canadian citizens are most angry about.
Topping the inaugural list, 87% of respondents said they felt “a white hot molten rage,” “a shout frothing at the mouth at random strangers I pass on the street amount of rage,” or “a lot of anger” at inflation. No surprise there: people who cannot afford to buy basics that they could afford last month tend to get a bit tetchy.
The next most enraging thing to Canadians was Uncle Brossard breaking the good gravy boat and blaming it on Baby Filbert. 79% of respondents were “really, really, really, really, really ticked off,” “really, really, really ticked off,” or “just plain pissed” at what you would have thought was a highly specific complaint. It’s just these sorts of surprise findings that make polls like this so valuable.
Rounding out the top three, 74% of respondents said that they were “so angry they had to sit down and stare at computer images of cute puppies for over an hour before the feeling went away,” “so angry they had to take a Valium and chant affirmations until the feeling went away,” or “so angry they could just spit” about the fact that anger has become such a prevalent part of civic life that a company is now conducting a monthly to reveal the extent of it.
Keep in mind this was an opt-in rather than random poll, so its conclusions don’t represent the opinions of anybody other than the people who participated. If this makes you angry, perhaps you should sign up to take the poll next month.
SOURCE: The National Whipping Post
[http://www.canada.com/national/nationalwhippingpost/news/story.html?ia=0ec0fwiw-b6e6-4c18-bf9b-07b657ffs48td]
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