The Supreme Court of Canada, in a four to one ruling, today overturned a Supreme Court of Ontario ruling made last December convicting a Wawa man of first degree murder.
Lawn chair enthusiasts are hailing the decision as an important test of a citizen’s right to protect his home with lawn furniture.
Jack Mattingly, a 36 year-old father of three, was originally convicted of killing Jack Fraser, his neighbour, by beating him to death with a lawn chair. Mattingly claimed that he believed Fraser was a burglar.
The prosecution pressed for, and received, a first degree murder conviction when it was discovered that Mattingly did not have a permit to carry the lawn chair or keep it on the premises. The conviction too less than three hours.
In overturning the decision, the Supreme Court ruled that not registering lawn furniture did not constitute premeditation. Throughout both trials, Mattingly has repeatedly said, “I didn’t know you needed a permit for a lawn chair. Really. I just didn’t know.”
“This is a great decision,” Hugh Flintlock, spokesperson for WALC (We Admire Lawn Chairs), an Ottawa pro-chair lobby group, said. “It upholds the right of the individual to kill people that he cannot identify in his own home.
“And, isn’t that what democracy is all about?”
“This is a terrible decision,” Joel Smallbore, spokesperson for ALCAHAL (All Lawn Chairs Are Hideous And Lethal), an Ottawa anti-chair group, said. “It just gave every homeowner licence to murder anybody on their property that they don’t like.
“Freedom, in any society, has to include freedom from attack with a deadly lawn chair!”
“Don’t listen to that wimp from ALCAHAL,” Flintlock said. “He just wants every piece of lawn furniture licenced and tightly controlled by the government. He doesn’t realize that lawn chairs don’t kill people, people do.”
“That’s really ridiculous,” Smallbore said. “We have studies that clearly show that easy access to lawn furniture increases the incidence of violent crime in a community. Better control of lawn furniture will result in fewer murders…”
“Studies? You want studies?” Flintlock said. “We’ve got studies that show that more successful robberies take place in homes that are not protected by lawn chairs. Lawn chairs actually save lives and property…”
“I don’t know what those guys are talking about,” Mattingly said. “I just did what I thought I had to do to protect my home and family. I…I didn’t realize that I was going to end up in the middle of a social issue…”
“What the heck does he know?” Smallbore said. “Doesn’t he realize that one quarter of all homicides are committed with some type of lawn furniture? And, according to Statistics Canada, that percentage is steadily increasing?”
“Aww, what the heck do you know?” Flintlock said. “When they repealed the lawn chair licencing law in California, the number of lawn chair murders actually decreased. If you know a man has a lawn chair in his house, you’ll think twice about robbing it.”
Liberal Member of Parliament Fran Hanrahan got up in the legislature yesterday to ask: “Does the Prime Minister have any plans for increasing the protection for Canadian citizens from lawn chair attacks?”
“No,” Prime Minister Brian Mulroney said. In a press conference afterwards, he expanded upon his initial response: “No, we don’t plan to take action at this time.”
“I’m happy to be free,” Mattingly said. “I’d like to get back to my life and put all this behind me, but I don’t think that’s going to be very easy…”
Mattingly claims that he has been the object of many death threats and an invitation to speak at next year’s convention of the American National Lawn Chair Association. There have also been several offers to write his life story.
“But, there haven’t been any offers which give me an appreciable percentage of the film rights,” Mattingly said, “so, I’m going to hold out for something better.
“For now, I just want to get back to my life.”
Pop star Larry Gowan was unavailable for comment.