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Headlines…Just Can’t…

Which Ones?


“Israeli strikes on Gaza violated international laws, rights group says”

– Toronto Star


Stop Being Divorced
(Hey! – You Get The Advice You Pay For)


“Mom of two seeks advice on dating while divorced”

– Toronto Star


Government Would Try To Shut It Down, But It’s One Of The Few Bright Spots In The Nation’s Economy


“Mercenary Industry Grows in Colombia”

– New York Times


Who Are You, Some Kind Of Constitutional Scholar?
You ARE A Constitutional Scholar?
You’re Part Of The Elite Trying To Destroy Our Freedom!


“There’s no charter right to endanger other people”

– Toronto Star


The Exact Opposite Of My Government


“‘Stay prepared’ against COVID-19, Ford urges”

– Toronto Star


If You Believe She’s Doomed, Why Don’t You Just Come Out And Say It?


“Political guts could resolve Meng’s extradition case”

– Toronto Star


Oh, Yeah? Just Watch Us!


“We Cannot Just Watch Afghanistan Collapse”

– New York Times


And The Overt Ugliness Of Politics


“We saw the intrinsic beauty of sports”

– Toronto Star


I Thought The Whole Point Was To Get Yelly
Have You Been Watching The Same Show That I Have?


“A ‘Schitt’s Creek’ fan’s guide to a great game night
Follow these tips to ensure your evening of fun doesn’t get ‘too yelly'”

– Toronto Star


Her Own Feet Would Have Been Much Less Awkward


“Gwen sets bad precedent by walking on Blake’s face”

– Toronto Star


Still, You Have To Give Him Credit For Trying


“Bolsonaro May Not Destroy Brazil”

– New York Times


So Is Defenestrate, But You Don’t See It In Nearly As Many Headlines!


“‘Science’ is just a word”

– Toronto Star


Supply And Demand Curves Are Easier To Appreciate When Politics Isn’t Added To The Equation


“Employers who pay more say finding workers is easy”

– Toronto Star


So Emphatic! Are You Sure You’re A Canadian Newspaper?


“Cities must be creative in fixing the housing crisis”

– Toronto Star

“Ottawa must take over care for our seniors”


– Toronto Star

“UN must act now to protect vulnerable Afghans”


– Toronto Star

“Church must listen, and do the right thing”


– Toronto Star

“Programs must address needs of woman entrepreneurs”


– Toronto Star

“Green Party must focus on a ‘One Planet’ Canada”


– Toronto Star

“Proof of vaccination must go both ways”


– Toronto Star

“Quality must be priority for nationwide child care”


– Toronto Star


Council Now Believes Giving Godzilla Asylum Was A Mistake


“Flooded German Village Rethink Footprint”

– New York Times


I Agree – The US Should Never Have Invaded It In The First – What? That’s Not What You Mean?
Oh, Right – I Forgot You Don’t Believe In Root Causes…


“Afghanistan’s fate shouldn’t have come to this”

– Toronto Star


Because Meanness Always Changes People’s Minds?


“In this pandemic, the kind thing to do is stop being nice”

– Globe and Mail


Election? You Asked About An Election? Sorry – I Thought You Were Talking About Beer!


“Right time for an election? That would be now”

– Toronto Star


Unfortunately, The Bare Bones Are Still Showing


“Conservatives begin to flesh out platform”

– Toronto Star


Not Acting Would Have Made Many People Blue, So Stop Acting So Yellow!


“Modern Monetary Theory is the new black, but we should brace for seeing red”

– Globe and Mail


Emotionally Distant And Obsessed With Wealth?


“Let’s have an Ontario Place that reflects who we are”

– Toronto Star


Sit In The Next Room When They’re Being Taken
Or, Better Yet, In A Cafe Down The Street


“I hate having my photo taken!
Here are some pro tips and tricks for better portraits”

– Toronto Star


Not A Problem: I Get All My News From Blogs
Does Anybody Even Publish Newspapers Any More?


“Don’t read much into N.S. win, expert says”

– Toronto Star


But Trudeau’s Hair Is More Likely


“Afghan crisis could be crucial election issue”

– Toronto Star


Ghosts Of Privatization Past
Boo!


“O’Toole stays vague on health-care details
Privately led ‘innovations’ offer Canadians more choice, Tory leader says”

– Toronto Star


But It Was Long On Cherry Soda, So Everyone Was Satisfied


“Tribunal Winds Down Short of Answers”

– New York Times


I Did – It Wasn’t Very Tasty (Especially After The Cherry Soda)


“Sitting too much? Try an ‘exercise snack'”

– Toronto Star


Mask Mandates Would Probably Be Better
But The Political Response To Them Is Wholly Predictable


“Gratitude could help ease an unpredictable school year”

– Toronto Star


As The Easy To Reach Arguments Are Used Up, Digging Further Down Is Inevitable


“Fossil fuel debate could get deeper”

– Toronto Star


He Read The Room


“Trudeau has forsaken sunny ways for petulance and gloom”

– Toronto Star


Stop Inventing New Flavours! My Mouth Hasn’t Caught Up With All The Ones We Currently Have!


“In China, The Bitter Turning To Mao”

– New York Times


And, They Are Sure To Respond Appropriately…As Soon As They Stop Laughing


“Forceful action will show China that Canada is serious”

– Toronto Star


In Pandemic Management, As In Comedy, Timing Is Everything


“Fourth wave ‘most definitely’ here”

– Toronto Star

“A week away from easing of more restrictions”


– Toronto Star


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