Thank you, Marousek Godspeed, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Iranians taking to the streets to protest a corrupt election? Where were they when we needed them in 2000? What do you mean, Iran? Have they never heard of airplanes?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
The Stupid Money Was On “Floofah”
According to the Global Language Monitor, Web 2.0 is the one millionth word in the English language. “It’s indicative of the age,” claimed Paul Payack, president and chief word analyst of the online dictionary, “so it’s not boring.”
Unless the age itself is boring. “Oh,” Payack said. “I hadn’t thought of that. I wonder if it’s too late to announce that ‘jai ho’ is the millionth word…”
SOURCE: Geekly news & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/090610/geeklynews/Belinda.htm]
And, The AI Doesn’t Even Speak Farsi
In a tape released the day before Barack Obama’s historic speech in Cairo that was addressed primarily to Muslims, Al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden accused the American President of planting seeds of “revenge and hatred” in the Muslim world.
The Absurd Ironyometer’s head is spinning in Farsi.
SOURCE: Big Alex’ Domesday Countdown Page
[http://www.allaboutalex.wha/Domesday/new]
He Was Truly King Of All He Surveyed
Legendary Canadian filmmaker Allan King has died at the age of 79. Who will make a documentary about his life?
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
Not To Worry: As Parents Often Tell Their Children, Every Week Is Junk Science Week At The Post
“JUNK SCIENCE WEEK
Coming Soon…”
– National Post
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1374473018]
What Is In A Name? A Turdblossom By Any Other Name Would Smell So Rank
The Obama administration has argued in court that it should not be forced to publicly name the former Vice President of the United States. “Information concerning the details of the previous administration,” argued CIA Director Leon Panetta, “would provide ready-made ammunition for al-Qa’ida propaganda.”
The American Civil Liberties Union did not accept this rationale for secrecy. “Everybody knows that the United States had a Vice President from 2000 to 2008, and most know his name,” said Jameel Jaffer, director of the ACLU National Security Project. “I cannot see any national security interest in ignoring this fact, although, I suppose, I can see some national political embarrassment interest…”
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postintgtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2009jun5.html]
The Evolution (Of Humanity) Will Be Televised
8pm. NBC. I’m a Thinking, Feeling Human Being, Get Me Out of Here! Three hundred million people are trapped in a television schedule filled with inane reality television shows. How many will survive?
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.TVguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
Or Worse, Depending Upon Your Point Of View
“The West has partnered in producing one of the most corrupt governments on Earth,” Ashraf Ghani, a candidate for the position of President of Afghanistan, claimed. “I think we can do better.” He then outlined a five point plan to make it the most corrupt government on Earth.
Current President Hamid Karzai rejected Ghani’s position. “oh, sure, a candidate can promise you the moon while running for office, but can he deliver?” Karzai asked. “I have done everything in my power to make Afghanistan as corrupt as possible, and we have only just broken the top five. I defy anybody to do better.”
SOURCE: Daily semaphore
[http://www.news.semaphore.co.uk/news/main.jhtml;sessionid=M5UF23LWOOLFPQFIQMFSM5WAVCBQ0JVC?NextPage=/DUeReDR/s119/Os/14/e7DUeReDR.ZvwF!2iG3gimmygi2Z~vg3i&resize=null&_requested=21212]
Willow, The Wisp, Scores Big Against The Media Elites
Top nine ways Sarah Palin can twist a joke on this show to her political advantage:
9. Claim “drill, baby, drill” oil policy jokes are actually attempts to link her to child pornography.
8. Claim jokes about her inability to name a single newspaper that she reads regularly are attacks on the illiterate.
7. Claim jokes about her statement that Barack Obama “pals around with terrorists” make light of government officials who pal around with terrorists.
6. Insist that jokes about putting lipstick on a pig, rather than referring to her fitness to lead, refer to her physical appearance.
5. Claim Vladimir Putin rearing his head over Alaska jokes are actually veiled references to her performing an act of oral sex on the Russian Prime Minister.
4. Claim that jokes about her shooting wolves from a helicopter are an elaborate metaphor for how she plans to cut federal taxes, deepening an already terrible economic downturn, in order to reward her wealthy backers.
3. Claim that jokes about her clothing shopping spree in New York are actually an attack on free enterprise.
2. Claim “bridge to nowhere” jokes are really about her grandfather’s dentures.
1. Insist that a joke about her 18 year-old daughter getting knocked up (which she was) is actually about her 14 year-old daughter getting knocked up (which she wasn’t). Ewww.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/late tonight/latetonightshow/list]
Sadists, On The Other Hand, Should Apply To The CIA
Do you have what it takes to keep Canada’s borders secure? If you had to identify a woman by the tattoo on her ass, would you be able to, or would you get all squeamish and embarrassed and let her into the country just so you could avoid strip searching her? If you said yes, have we got the dream job for you! POSITION: Security guard. APPLY: Canada Border Services Agency. Voyeurs welcome, but voyeurism not essential.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
[http://on.ygtgj.com/listings/070918.qrhtml]
If I Was You, I’d Get That Koffler Looked After
11 bells and all is not well) The Koffler Centre for the Arts told artist Reena Katz that it would not allow her work each hand as they are called to appear in this summer’s group show called Wrecking Ball. The work itself was not controversial, but the Koffler Centre’s board objected to the fact that Katz had made statements critical of the state of Israel in other places. This is like:
a) Daniel Craig being told he was no longer going to play James Bond because of an unflattering remark he made about Sarah Palin’s knees on Late Night with David Letterman
b) Brad Pitt being told he wasn’t going to be in the next Ocean’s movie (what are they up to now? Thirty-five? Eighty-seven?) because he tweeted his opposition to the death penalty to his fans
c) Ernie being told he was no longer welcome on Sesame Street because he supported stem cell research on his Facebook page
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca
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