Sometimes, You Just Have To Make Sacrifices For The Ones You Love
I don’t do vacations well. Yet, I found myself spending a week in Atlantis, a resort in the Bahamas. Why? Not because I wanted to become blacker than Michael Jackson. I achieved that goal without really doing anything. And, certainly not because I wanted to ogle firm young flesh. That’s what god created the Internet for.
Okay, my family was going and I found it hard to refuse their invitation. So, you could say I made the sacrifice of going on vacation to an exotic resort…for the children…
Is That A Cat On Your Head, Or Are You Just Glad…?
The conceit of the resort is that it is patterned after the ancient lost city of Atlantis. Given their fashion sense, perhaps it’s just as well that they’re no longer around…
My Intellectual Devolution In The Fun And Sun
DAY ONE: I can no longer read the business section of the newspaper. I try, but it just doesn’t make any sense. Suddenly, a flat tax that disproportionately benefits the wealthy sounds like a good idea.
DAY TWO: International news has become gobbledygook; I can understand the individual words, but I can’t put them together meaningfully. With a clarity that I initially find distressing, I understand Canada’s mission to Afghanistan.
DAY THREE: I cannot read about national news. On the other hand, I find I can really get behind mandatory minimum sentences and three strikes and you’re out laws.
DAY FOUR: The entertainment section has become meaningless to me. The entertainment section! It’s not like it’s heavy reading at the best of times! Oh, Britney, I’m scandalized by your lack of underwear, but I can’t wait to get home and see the pictures!
DAY FIVE: The sports section has become meaningless and irrelevant. No change there.
DAY SIX: I no longer want to read the comics. Oh, what I wouldn’t give for Family Circus’ earlier, funnier strips!
Just in time to go home, my transformation is complete. I am now ready to vote for Stephen Harper’s Conservative Party.
Bahamalypto
A modern Mayan temple where tourists, blissed out on impossibly rich buffets, sacrifice their dignity to the gods of leisure.
Somewhere Down The Lazy River
Atlantis has a water ride called the Lazy River. Basically, you ride an inflated tube around a course with currents that gently push you forward. You can paddle to somewhat determine your path and help you go faster. You can walk along the bottom to achieve the same result. You can use either method to move against the current, but you have to put a lot of energy into it, and you will be buffeted by others who are going with the current; eventually, inevitably, you will tire of the effort and give in and let the water take you where it will. There are eddies in the river where your tube will founder, moving neither forward nor backward, forcing you to exert some effort to get moving once again. Sometimes, these eddies will take you backwards, and even make your tube move in circles, requiring even more effort to move forward. The amount of effort you expend will be determined by how lazy you are feeling at that moment. You randomly bump into tubes abandoned by others; sometimes, you will feel surrounded by them. You randomly bump into others in their tubes. You can hold onto their tubes, sharing part of the journey. However, your arms will sooner or later get tired, or the person you’re holding onto will want to get out, or one or both of you get bored by the whole thing, and you will find yourself drifting alone once again. You will bump against the edges of the lazy river, possibly getting small booboos on the parts of your body that are sticking out of the tube.
But, don’t look for any metaphors here. After all, I’m on vacation.
Pop Quiz, Hotshot
Question 1
Which of the above symbols represents Atlantis, and which is the international symbol for anarchy?
Question 2
Which of the above bracelets was given to me at Atlantis to allow me to get towels and enter the pools and the beach, and; which bracelet was given me the day after I got home when I went to the emergency room of the hospital because the incision for my heart operation had become infected?