From : onlyWebsites
Sent : January 16, 2007 9:58:01 PM
To : ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Subject : I Have Redesigned Your Website
I have redesigned your Website and have developed several prototypes for you to view by clicking on the link below (we have not touched, altered or edited your existing site in any way).
Please click here to view your custom Website prototypes.
I have created these free prototypes for you with no obligation, just call or email me for a free quote and consultation.
Due to an extremely positive response we are extending our Agressive Discount Offer another month if you E-mail or Call us to get started before February 1st, 2007.
Sincerely,
Wayne Hill
www.onlyDentist.com
Marketing Director
Mister Hill,
I have long thought that there was a real lack of Web design/dentistry companies in the world. Congratulations! You have clearly filled a much needed niche.
That having been said, much as I and many others have tried over the years to get The Creator to change the look of the Web site, I am afraid that all of our efforts have gone for naught. You would think that revolving skeleton heads against a backdrop of crackling fire was the most hideous vision since Dario Argento started making films the way he carries on about it!
It’s so bad that we cannot get The Creator to even look at your prototypes. And, oh, how we have tried! We even went so far as to disguise the URL so that it looked like it would take him to the home page of his favourite porn site, Girls With Eyepatches, but, alas, he quickly saw through our clever ruse.
So, I am afraid we will not be requiring your Web design services. On the other hand, I have this molar that has been causing me no end of grief. It’s in the back – hard to reach, but exquisitely painful. I’ll call you.
Sincerely,
Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and Dental Implantations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
“We do (apparently badly visually designed) stuff”
From : Emily Kovak
Sent : January 15, 2007 7:00:14 PM
To : ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Subject : Site suggestion: www.careerjet.com
Hello,
We have looked through your site and noticed that you have a “jobs” section in which several sites were listed.
We would like to recommend our site http://www.careerjet.com. Careerjet is an employment search engine for the USA. It allows you to search a growing selection of jobs listed on company sites as well as jobsites in one go saving you the trouble of having to go to each site individually.
We hope this site will interest you and can be included in your listings.
Thank you
Yours truly
Emily Kovak
emily@careerjet.com
Emily,
You couldn’t have looked through our site very closely, or you would have realized that the section you believe is about “jobs” is actually about Jobs, Steve Jobs to be precise, the man behind Apple Computers. The Creator of Les Pages aux Folles has decided that Jobs is a saint, not, perhaps, in the same league as a Saint Vincent or a Saint Mallobar, but certainly on a par with the lesser known Saint Baruch of Padua. The Steve Jobs page is not only The Creator’s way of paying homage to a man he believes is truly great, but is also a pathetic attempt to get that man’s attention.
I hope I haven’t been indiscreet in pointing this out. If so, I may be using your job listing service quite soon! In that eventuality, I must say that I am grateful that you have saved me the trouble of having to go to a variety of job search Web sites individually. Now, if you could only automate the sending out of my resume and the actual job interview process, we would really be getting somewhere!
Sincerely,
Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and Famous Person Intoxications
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
“We do (sycophantic) stuff”
From :
Sent : January 9, 2007 3:17:02 AM
To : aardvarkseyes@hotmail.com
CC : serginho_bzg@gmail.com
Subject : (nenhum)
Você realmente ja viu, o vídeo verdadeiro e completo da morte de Saddam Hussein??? Não?
Antes de você visualizar o vídeo tenha certeza que você não ira ficar horrorizado(a).
Bem gente, estou mandando esse vídeo para vocês verem a morte de um cara que matou muita gente. Se poderem mostrem para mais gente, vamos espalhar o verdadeiro video do enforcamento de Saddam. Não me responsabilizo pelo mal uso desse vídeo!!!
Abaixo o link para você visualizar o vídeo: Assistir o vídeo!
Dear Seginho,
I don’t understand a word of what you’ve written, and, yet, I find your email strangely compelling. It offers insight into worlds seldom seen, paradises only glimpsed at out of the corner of one’s eye while one is standing in the line to buy frozen peas. It…it moved me.
And, oh, the way you triple up on the punctuation marks! (Or, should I say, !!!?) What could be more indicative of a hot-blooded Latin passion? Although I have never actually met you, I am reminded of the time we walked down the shore of the Escondido el Cuido, just you, me and the body of Saddam Hussein. It was the most magical night of my life – I wished it would never end. But I had to get back to my work – all those mojitos don’t pay for themselves! – and, in any case, Saddam’s body was getting a little ripe.
Please, I beg you, let’s keep in touch, my mad Latin fling!(!!)
Ned
From : Royal Bank of Canada
Reply-To : accounts@rbcroyalbank.com
Sent : October 29, 2005 12:19:00 AM
To : ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Subject : Safeguard Your Account – Update Information
Dear RBC Royal Bank Customer,
Recently there have been a large number of identity theft attempts targeting RBC Royal Bank Customers. In order to safeguard your account, we require that you confirm or update your identity.
This process is mandatory, and if not completed within the nearest time your account or credit card may be subject to temporary suspension.
To securely confirm your RBC Royal Bank update details please logging in and confirming your identity over a secure connection at:
http://www.rbcroyalbank.com/cgi-bin/rbaccess/update/index.php
Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter and thank you for using RBC Royal Bank.
© Royal Bank of Canada 2001 – 2005
To Whom It May Concern:
I am writing on behalf of Ira Nayman, The Creator of Les Pages aux Folles and recipient of your recent email warning him against the theft of his identity through his account at the Royal Bank of Canada.
At first, he was frantic about this possibility. You see, he is already highly insecure about his personality. It’s not just that he is afraid that people will consider him boring. He has pretty much come to terms with that reality. It’s that he is afraid that there is another version of him somewhere dating supermodels, smoking very thick cigars and otherwise having the kind of life that he only dreams about.
When he first received your email, he went into a closet and refused to come out. It wasn’t until several hours later that one of the elves who helps him write found him cowering behind a battered suitcase, muttering something about Panatellas. It took the elves and I several hours to convince The Creator that he did not, in fact, have an account with the Royal Bank of Canada and that his identity was, therefore, safe.
Such as it is.
I am writing to ask you to please stop sending email to this sadly fragile human being. If you cannot see your way to doing this, perhaps you could clearly label it “Not From The Bank You Actually Use” in the subject line. Really, the elves and I aren’t paid enough to deal with the trouble!
Sincerely,
Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and Psychotic Lamentations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
“We do (calm) stuff”