Thank you, Giddy Flores, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. Then – oh, but you wouldn’t believe it even if we told you.
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The Daily Me Staff
Fools For…Umm, We’ll Have To Wait For An Act Of Parliament To Figure Out What
Marriages of convenience are undermining the fairness of Canada’s immigration process. The government of Canada – hopeless romantics that we are – is committed to putting an end to the process.
It is your job to go to foreign countries and ask deeply personal questions of couples where one person is sponsoring the other to come to Canada as a spouse. But, what are you looking for, exactly? How can you tell the spoony, moony lovelorn goonies from the rank marital opportunists? The following chart, based on the best Statistics Canada information available, lays out how often couples fight and make love at different points in their marriage depending upon whether they come from traditional or liberated families. If the couple you are interviewing doesn’t fit the pattern, this is a red flag indicating that you should look more deeply into the marriage.
| SEX | ARGUMENTS | ||||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| liberated | traditional | liberated | traditional | ||
| one month | 3 times a day | daily | rare | rare | |
| six months | daily | 3 times a day | intermittent | weekly | |
| one year | 3 times a week | daily | weekly | daily | |
| five years | weekly | 3 times a week | daily | frequent | |
| ten or more years | intermittent | intermittent | frequent | rare |
SOURCE: The Smoking Gut
[http://www.thesmokinggut.com/archive/1080963828024537474864cahs01.html]
Yee Haw! Now We Can Afford Those Turnips We’ve Always Wanted!
“[I]t is important that we not let a sense of complacency distract us from learning the appropriate lessons, and acting accordingly.”
– Bank of Canada Governor Mark Carney explains to the New York Association for Business Economics the proper attitude to have now that the global credit crisis is easing
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
I Guess American Homebuyers Didn’t Get Carney’s Memo
“US house price index posts sharpest drop ever”
– Toronto Star headline
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=1849723138]
Turnabout Is Fair Play (According to Section 3, Subsection II, Paragraph vii(a) Of NAFTA)
I’ve been saying for years that Canadian politics is exactly like American politics, except everything happens here 10 years later and watered down. Well, I was reading about how major American corporations were being bought by foreign companies, and I realized that the reverse is coming true: what is starting to happen in the United States started in Canada 20 years ago and was more intense!
I couldn’t be more proud. I think.
SOURCE: Les pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
more
Unless There Are Traffic Jams In Heaven
What, me worry? Will Elder has confronted the absolute truth of that statement.
SOURCE: Obits ‘R Us
[http://www.king.ids.net/~bdlm/obits_r_us.html]
Most Of Us Would Have Just Felt It In Our DNA
Finance Minister Jim Flaherty claims that his former chief of staff never told him about warnings from civil servants that a speechwriter’s contract was improper.
Hmm. The contract was given to a Conservative consultant who had written speeches for former Ontario Premier Mike Harris.
The contract agreed upon was for $98,500, which would have put it under the threshold that requires the tendering process, but the amount paid was actually $122,000, which required tendering it.
The contract was awarded without tender.
It was $122,000 to write a speech, for crying out loud!
And, Flaherty had to be told that it was improper?
SOURCE: The Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591424813&call_pageid=968387278492&col=968626972154]
So, How’s The Big Stick Workin’ For Ya, There, Stevie?
“If a country wants to be taken seriously in the world, it must have the capacity to act. It’s that simple.”
– Prime Minister Stephen Harper explaining why his government plans to spend tens of billions of dollars reinvigorating Canada’s military
“He’s decided to join in with a George Bush-style of foreign policy that has not endeared Canada to the broad range of countries around the world who used to appreciate our voice for peace, for strong action on the environment, for foreign aid.”
– Jack Layton, explaining why Harper’s government is considering not applying for a seat on the United Nations Security Council – which Canada has been elected to every 10 years since the UN’s inception – for fear it won’t get enough votes to win
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
Is It Me, Or Are Your Thoughts Getting More Random All The Time?
MONDAY: According to the BBC, more than twice as many British children under 15 years old hurt themselves falling out of bed last year than they did falling out of trees. Does that mean we should let our children sleep in trees?
TUESDAY: My chair ROCKS! I mean, it moves back and forth for no discernible – OWW! SHIT! Why does furniture hate me?
WEDNESDAY: You think I might be able to convince my boyfriend to wear eyeliner if it’s called Shades of Fistfight? How do I get in touch with Avon?
THURSDAY: Just wait and they’ll come to your door? Oh, very droll. Very clever.
FRIDAY: The other day, I took one of those personality tests that is supposed to determine which cat you’re best suited to get. The vet told me: orangutan. I didn’t even know the orangutan was a breed of cat. Maybe it’s African…
SATURDAY: According to National Rifle Association member Rooster Newton, “All the world’s troubles are because people have had their firearms taken away from them.” I can see that in some ways. Poverty could be substantially lessened by the distribution of guns to the homeless, because, of course, then they could work themselves out of poverty by robbing banks. And, sure, if drugs dealers had more guns, they would kill each other off even faster. Still, hard to see how the Iraq war would be solved if there were more guns in the Middle East. Maybe I shouldn’t have let my NRA membership lapse…
SUNDAY: According to Nielsen Media, there were 1,372 product placements in the NFL-themed episode of Deal or No Deal. One thousand three hundred and seventy-two product placements! In a programme that lasted a single hour! I find it hard to believe such a thing is possible. I mean, when I watched the show I only found 1,118!
SOURCE: Random Thoughts and Blood Clots Home Page
[http:suzie.randomthoughts&bloodclots.blogspeck.com]