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Short Attention Span Political Announcements
“Canada has no problem handing prisoners over to the Afghanistan government because it doesn’t torture people. And, when I say this, I really mean that the evidence suggests that Afghanistan does torture prisoners, but we don’t have any choice but to hand prisoners over to the government because we don’t have the ability to look after them ourselves. Of course, we must have found a way of dealing with prisoners because we stopped handing them over to the Afghanistan government two months ago. The army didn’t tell the Conservative government about this change in policy. Oh, I’m sorry, I misspoke: the Canadian government did know about the change in policy. That’s the government’s position, and we’re sticking to it.”
How hard it must be to be the spokesperson for a government that has nothing to say to its people, but so much media to say it in!
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1088591831813&call_pageid=968335278492&col=968666972154&antacid=TUMS]
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Finally, A Government That Knows How To Put The Cart Before The Dead Horse!
Some people have been arguing that complaints about vote rigging in Pakistan in the run-up to the February 18 election signify that the country is not ready for democracy. I say that Pakistan could teach us a lot about democracy, starting with efficiency. After all, in our elections, accusations of rigged ballots don’t happen until after the voting!
SOURCE: Daily Semaphore
[http://www.opinion.semaphore.co.uk/opinion/main.jhtml;sessionid=2]
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As Long As The Electricity Holds Out And The Cryogenic Chamber Is Secure – Be Sure To Wake Us Up When The Economic Mayhem Is Over
“Economy to slow, but we’ll be fine, Dodge says”
– Toronto Star headline
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=2856534038]
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Must Eeeeeeeeek! Viewing
7 pm. Imedi (Georgia). Dead air.
Geo-TV (Pakistan). Twenty three minutes seven seconds of news, followed by eleven minutes forty-two seconds of arguments and gunfire, followed by dead air.
8 pm. Imedi (Georgia). Dead air.
Geo-TV (Pakistan). Dead air continues.
9 pm. Imedi (Georgia). Dead air.
Geo-TV (Pakistan). Dead air continues.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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About Their Masculinity, They Doth Protest Too Much
“Every day I pick up the paper and there’s another quote out there from somebody who’s a wannabe, saying whatever the Clinton people told them to say apparently… [A]ren’t you appalled at the willingness of these people to become castratos in the eunuch chorus here or whatever they are?”
– Chris Matthews, Hardball
“[T]here’s just something about her [Hillary Clinton] that feels castrating, overbearing, and scary.”
– Tucker Carlson, Tucker
“My favorite name for her is Nurse Ratched. I mean, we created this whole concept of a testicle lockbox in connection with Mrs. Clinton. I mean, she has that kind of appeal to people. She’s – you fill in the blanks here.”
Rush Limbaugh, The Rush Limbaugh Show
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Manley, Yes, But I Like It, Too
Okay, let me see if I’ve got this straight. Prime Minister Harper selects five pro-American military hawks to write a report that he knows will favour a continued Canadian military presence in Afghanistan. They write a report that favours a continued Canadian military presence in Afghanistan.
This is news?
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/74.htm]
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How Many Atheists Can Dance On The Head Of A Pin?
The Dawkins Delusion
God
Mariner Books
$15.95
Often strident and willfully offensive, this polemic nonetheless makes a valuable argument for believing that Richard Dawkins does not exist, and that people who base their lives on his existence are sadly deluded, and possibly dangerous.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.41.48/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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We’re So Ashamed Of Ourselves That We’re Putting This In The Anniversary Show
Now that he’s dead, nine things Heath Ledger will never do:
9. Sing a duet with Amy Winehouse.
8. Beat Wayne Gretzky’s record for most goals in a season.
7. Eat a cheese omelet.
6. Win a Booker Prize.
5. Star in the film version of Gomer Pyle, USMC.
4. Get a cortisone injection because he’s allergic to cheese.
3. Kiss the blarney stone.
2. Kiss Katherine Heigl.
1. Listen to an insensitive comedy bit about what he will never do now that he is dead.
SOURCE: Late Tonight with David Lenoman
[http://marketing.ubs.com/latetonight/latetonightshow/list]
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Would A Flashlight And A Map Help Your Search?
“The market seems to be to some extent capitulating. I think we’re finding a bottom, and that’s not to say we might not find another one.”
– Owen Fitzpatrick, Deutsche Bank Private Wealth Management
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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Fulfilling Doctor King’s Dream One Slime Attack At A Time
Word out of the Hillary Clinton camp is that rival Barack Obama’s youthful drug use could be used by Republicans to attack his character if he was chosen as the Democratic Presidential candidate. In order to ensure that this doesn’t happen, Clinton supporters have attacked Obama for his youthful drug use first.
SOURCE: USA Whenever
[http://www.usawhenever.com/news/national/2008-01-15-makes-(non)sense_x.htm]
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What About Sergei Brin? How Could You Forget Sergei Brin?
History For People With No Time For History
Charles Babbage’s
Hatred of cabbages
Set back the history of computers
Ada Lovelace
Won the footrace
Against all of her timorous suitors
Alan Turing
Lost his mooring
While eating a Glosette
Jaron Lanier
Tried to disappear
But ended up in a closet
Douglas Englebart
Put the horse into the cart
While wearing a wedding dress
Hans Moravec
Swabbed the deck
Without appreciable success
Theodore Nelson
Didn’t use Selsun
And found that made him Blue
Marvin Minsky
And Tara Lipinski
Pitched a cacophonous woo
Nicholas Negroponte
Was the tauntee
Of bits and bytes munching kooks
Bill Gates
Really hates
Other people’s peremptory looks
Vannevar Bush
Loved his tush
Which held a lot of stuff
Tim Berners-Lee
Hid up a tree
Before the going got rough
Nobody said the future was going to make sense
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/214.html]
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Brevity Is The Soul Of Television
9pm. All networks. State of the Union Address. In solidarity with striking television writers, the President appears with a scraggly beard. His speech, which he wrote himself, lasts less than 10 seconds: “I’m doin’ a great job, see. Thank you very much.” All the pundits agree that it’s the best speech he has given in his political career.
SOURCE: Ukrainian TV Guide
[http://www.tvguide.ua/listings/index.asp?referrerID=0&returnurl=%2Flistings%2Findex%2Easp%3F®Mode=0]
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