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Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
Could The Minister Of Defense Be Moonlighting As The Bell Spokesbeaver?
The Ever Changing Moods of Defense Minister Gordon O’Connor
AUTUMN
I love the changing colours of the fall, the vibrant reds and oranges. The city is a beautiful pageant of nature. I’m not worried about the Canadian Army handing prisoners over to the Afghanis, because the Red Cross would tell us if they were torturing the prisoners.
WINTER
There is something magical about the falling of the snow. It is a white blanket that covers the city. At times like these, it’s sad to think that the Red Cross is not under any obligation to tell Canada if the prisoners we hand over to the Afghanis are being tortured, but I am content in the knowledge that the Red Cross is monitoring the situation.
SPRING
The trees are beginning to blossom – all around us, new life is emerging from its winter slumbers! Okay, forget the Red Cross. The Afghanistan Independent Human Rights Commission is monitoring prisons to ensure that captured soldiers we hand over to Afghan authorities are not tortured.
SUMMER
This has to be the best time of the year, doesn’t it? Lounging by the pool, letting the heat wash over you – listen. Is that the chirping of birds and the barking of dogs? So what if the Independent Human Rights Commission doesn’t actually have access to Afghan prisons and cannot, therefore, monitor whether or not captured soldiers we hand over to Afghan authorities are tortured? I’m not going to let anything spoil this perfect day…
SOURCE: Canadian Depress
[http://www.cd.org/english/poetryofbattle.htm]
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Fashion In Perspective
“Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful…”
“Can I hate you because you ran off with my husband?”
“Oh, well…”
“Can I hate you because I don’t know how I’m going to support my three children on my own?”
“Hey, I’m sorry for your –”
“Can I hate you because I’ve been given three days to pay my rent or my children and I will be kicked out onto the street?”
“Yeah. Okay. Hate me for all of that. As long as it’s not because I’m beautiful…”
SOURCE: Ad Meek
[http://www.admeek.com/A&W/national/article_display.jsp?nuvu_content_id=12345952604]
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Unitarity Forever…
If every individual takes personal responsibility for their ecological footprint, we can lick this whole “environment” problem. Here are a few simple things that you can do, personally, yourself, to make a difference:
1) Put pressure on your federal government representative to enact laws that will reduce packaging at this source. This will ensure that –
No. Wait. That’s not right. The focus is on you and what you as one lone individual can do to help the environment. To make that all-important difference, you should:
1) Organize a campaign to boycott manufacturers of Humvees and other huge, gas-guzzling low mileage –
Okay, forget about that. Organizing campaigns isn’t a form of individual action. And, we’re supposed to be focusing on you. You. An individual. One person. You can make a difference. You. One person. An individual. Simply:
1) Form a neighbourhood food coop dedicated to buying only locally grown –
Oh, fuck the environment.
SOURCE: Godbout-Hyde Chamber of Commerce
[http://www.GodboutHydeCoC/front.html]
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It’s Not The Bullet That Kills You, It’s The Hole (…In The Weapons’ Manufacturers’ Heads)
At least 64 people have died in the worst case of school violence in the history of the United States.
Details are sketchy, but we do know this much: Cho Seung Hui, a student at Virginia Tech, opened fire on students and teachers. He killed seven before he was killed by other armed students. Unfortunately, students coming late on the scene mistook Hui’s killers as the instigators of the violence, and opened fire on them. Like a nuclear chain reaction, the violence quickly spiraled out of control, and the national guard had to be called in.
“Making sure every student was armed was only the first step,” National Rifle Association spokesman Larry Beitmi told an impromptu gathering of reporters and other voyeurs. “The next step is to make sure they all go to school in Kevlar t-shirts and jeans, and pray they don’t take one to the head.”
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32332641314641786687coldfx]
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Gratuitous Cleverness Or Spellcheck Grammatical Error? You Be The Judge…
“Barrymore ads CoverGirl to her resume”
– Globe and Mail
SOURCE: Billy-Bob’s International House O’ Headlines
[http://www.com/lol.pdqfc.wwygw.wyswyg/fid=13265886355]
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You Don’t Have To Be A General To Turn Down This Offer – But It Helps
WANTED: War Czar (or some title that resonates better with the public). Must be willing to take the blame for the worst foreign relations disaster in the history of the United States even though you were not part of the government for the first four years that the policy was implemented. Credulousness a definite asset. APPLY: White House, Washington, DC.
SOURCE: Your Guide To Getting Jobbed
The Pot Calling The Kettle Poultry
QUESTION: will poultry therapy help me realign the third chakra of my spine?
ANSWER: As everybody knows, poultry therapy is the liberal application of live chickens to various parts of the body.
We cannot help but wonder if you are mistaking us for polarity therapists. Because, we have to tell you, people who practice that are just plan nuts.
SOURCE: The American Poultry Therapy Association
[http://www.poultrytherapy.org/page.asp?PageID=2]
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Ecopalypse Now
Don’t you understand that if the government passes any legislation to in any way mitigate our current or future ecological problems, it will stop the economy dead? I’m not talking about a minor speed bump on the road to prosperity, either. I’m talking about a complete cessation of economic activity. Sort of like what happens when you drop an object into a vat of liquid nitrogen – you know, almost all atomic movement ceases. That’s how bad it’s going to be.
Don’t be fooled by the hype. Get the facts.
SOURCE: National Coalition of Anti-tax Loonies Home Page
[http://www.ncal.ca/HomeSweetHome.html]
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I Hope New York, I Fear Nantucket
Why is the United States in Iraq? Every time one reason is proven false, another one pops up, like a set of Russian nesting dolls.
Where will it all end?
SOURCE: Politics for Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/home.asp?did=499&dir=bb]
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