The fact That It’s A Dumbass Idea Notwithstanding
Paul Martin’s Liberals are falling faster than the whale in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. So, what does the Prime Minister do? Promise that, if elected, he will scrap the notwithstanding clause of the Constitution.
Bold thinking. That’s a great way to reconnect with the people. “I just know those mean old street gangs are going to give up their automatic weapons,” Josephine Average-Canadian will say to herself, “just as soon as they no longer have to defend themselves against the possible the use of the notwithstanding clause.”
Because Decisiveness, Not Justice, Is The Mark Of A Good Government
Responding to the brewing income trust scandal, for which hapless Finance Minister Ralph Goodale has not been asked to resign, Conservative Party leader Stephen Harper vowed that members of his Cabinet would resign much more quickly when faced with allegations of wrongdoing.
JOURNALIST: So, if it was –
HARPER: Gone.
JOURNALIST: But, what if it was –
HARPER: Catch ya later, alligator.
JOURNALIST: Oh, yeah? How about –?
HARPER: Don’ let the door hit your ass on the way out, and write if you get work.
JOURNALIST: But…but, what if the allegations were against you?
HARPER: Next question
What Is The Green Party’s Position On Ministerial Responsibility?
There is a Green Party? In Canada? Running candidates? In this election?
Yes, Virginia, There Is A Green Party. So, What Is Its Position On Ministerial Responsibility?
Well, aah, if it helps the environment, it’s probably a good idea…
Almost Erect…In The, Uhh, Evolutionary Sense…
According to Stephen Harper, “I’ve evolved.” And, it’s true: he’s not dragging his knuckles on the ground like he used to. It would be nice if many of the old Reformniks who are running as Conservatives followed his lead, but, of course, they don’t believe in evolution. They believe Reform politicians were made in god’s image.
If So, It’s Another Minority He’s In
You think Paul Martin is still happy he pushed Jean Chretien out of the leadership of the Liberal Party?
She Really Gets Around, Doesn’t She?
Stephen Harper’s Conservatives, feeling frisky because the polls have been telling them they could be headed for a majority government, floated the idea of adding property rights into the Charter of Rights and Freedoms.
Bold thinking. No wonder they’re finding it so easy to connect with the people. “I just know that we’re going to be able to cope with an epidemic of avian bird flu,” Josephine Average-Canadian will say to herself, “just as soon as property rights are enshrined in the Charter.”
Oh, And Love The Stache, Babe
Okay, Jack. We get it. The New Democratic Party is opposed to the corruption of the Liberals. Quelle surprise. Now, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble could you please articulate what the NDP is for?
Can You Guess Which Party Is Running This Spot?
HARPER: You know, Gilles, there aren’t a lot of things you and I can agree on.
DUCEPPE: You can say that again, Stephen.
HARPER: I believe we need to restrict conditions on Welfare.
DUCEPPE: I believe one of the most important roles of government is to help people in need.
HARPER: We need to cut taxes to make the country more competitive and let Canadians keep more of their hard earned dollars.
DUCEPPE: No, no, no, no, no. We need a strong tax base to pay for our collective needs.
HARPER: Erm, yes, well, we should support our allies at home and abroad, especially the United States, a great democracy.
DUCEPPE: You think I’m going to send my children to fight a war in Iran? You must be nuttier than Paul Martin says you are.
HARPER: Ouch! Still, there is one thing we can both agree on, right, Gilles?
DUCEPPE: Right you are, Stephen. That is that power should be devolved from the federal government to the provinces.
HARPER: Absolutely! (pause) You know I’m going to cut transfer payments to Quebec?
DUCEPPE: Just try it, you neocon Neanderthal!
THE NEXT GOVERNMENT: STRENGTHENING CONFEDERATION BY WEAKENING CONFEDERATION.
An Election Koan
What’s stranger about the uproar over the Liberal television spot claiming a Conservative government would put military troops in Canadian cities: the fact that so many people have condemned it even though it never actually ran on television, or the fact that it accurately reflects what Conservative leader Stephen Harper has said?