Our Party Includes White Supremacists, Great Replacement Theorists, White Power Advocates, KKK Members, Nazis, White Nationalists, And The Occasional Black Guy (Because Somebody Has To Get The Coffee)
“He clearly is a socialist. If you look at his entire political program, it’s fundamentally about handing out political favours and jobs to his favoured ethnic groups. It’s about pitting racial groups against each other. What I love about Trump’s Republican party is everybody is welcome.”
– Vice President JD Vance on Democratic Senate candidate Abdul El-Sayed
The Fact That We’re Gaining All This Land Is Just A Happy Coincidence
“Our ambition has never been for conquest, but for safety.”
– Israeli President Isaac Herzog
AND THAT’S SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME WANT TO INVEST IN CRYPTOCURRENCIES‽
“We’ve seized one billion dollars in cryptocurrencies from Iran, we’ve simply taken over their wallets. Many Iranians will be posting on social media without knowing we’ve stolen their wallets.”
– Scott Bessent, U.S. Treasury Secretary
Once The US Is Finished With Iran? Then, Cuba Has Nothing To Worry About For At Least 30 Years…
“All of the southeastern United States is actually now threatened by Cuba. Cuba has always been a national security threat to the United States…once we finish with Iran, then President Trump is going to turn his attention to Cuba.”
– Republican Representative Carlos Gimenez
You’re Really Bad At Selling Your Party, Aren’t You?
“If we lose the midterms, the Democrats will go after the president’s family, the cabinet, his donors, friends, and the rest of you who have committed crimes.”
– House Speaker Mike Johnson
“…We Could Deny Their Claims So Much More Efficiently!”
“If every single person who wanted to enroll in SNAP, Medicaid or public housing was in a shared database that the government had access to…”
– White House ghoulviser Stephen Miller
The Art Of The Deal Squeal
“What President Trump is trying to do, and I applaud him for that, is level the playing field. There is absolutely no way that President Trump is going to the make a bad deal for the American people.”
– Michigan Republican Representative Lisa McClain on Trump’s trade war with Canada
It Certainly Doesn’t Depend Upon Morality Or Justice
“If they [the United States] keep pushing Israel into a corner, they will suffer most… Israel’s existence is not negotiable. It does not depend on superpowers or public opinion.”
– former Hamas and Israeli intelligence member Mosab Hassan Yousef
[NARRATOR: He Wasn’t.]
“It was July 4th of last year, when flood waters tore through a girl’s summer camp in Central Texas. One of the worse things I’ve ever seen. I was there.”
– Donald Trump at the State of the Union Address
Aaah…Okay. I Think I See The Problem, Here…
“I’m an Islamophobe, not a racist.”
– far-right British agitator Kellie-Jay Keen
The Line Between MAGA Punditry And Republican Reality Is Getting Thinner All The Time
Hard To Believe There Are Still People Willing To Snort It
“The end goal, it’s clear: forced scarcity for all except their friends and cronies, then taking a wrecking ball to the constitutional structures that gave them a chance to sell their noxious views.”
– Laura Ingraham
So…You’re Resigning From The Trump Administration?
“This is corruption on the underlying system…when everyone is doing it, that’s a real pathology. Because if you’re not part of the corrupt system, you’re a fool. When I’m lying to you and you know I’m lying to you and I know that you know that I’m lying to you, and on and on and on, that’s how countries collapse.”
– Medicare and Medicaid Czar Mehmet Oz
That’s A Bit Drastic, Don’t You Think?
As Long As You Promise Not To Leave Alabama, Things Should Be Fine
“If we don’t straighten out this country’s voting and immigration system, we’re not gonna make it. It’s gonna be over. I’m gonna go back to Alabama and hey, we might build a 30-foot wall around our state.”
– Republican Senator Tommy Tuberville
How To Say “Taking Money From AIPAC And Other Zionist PACs Sure Beats Workin’!” Without Saying It
“Hasan Piker is an anti-Semite. I don’t think he would claim otherwise. Nobody should campaign with him or repost him. Anyone who is quiet right now is complicit. We should vote to condemn him when we get back to congress. Mike Lawler and I have a resolution.”
– Democratic Rep. Josh Gottheimer
Are You Against Government Run Health Care? Because I Feel Like Your Story Makes The Opposite Argument…
“Government run health care bad idea after bad idea. Annie Andrews backs it all. I have a different background. My parents worked long, hard hours. If they were sick, they had to get up and go to work. My mother passed away when I was 11 and my father just over a year later.”
– Republican Congressional candidate Darline Graham
When You’ve Got A Rhetorical Hammer, Everyone Sounds Like A Nazi
“You lived through that nightmare before President Trump came into office schools failing and collapsing, not enough translators to keep up with all the illegal children being dumped into our schools, emergency rooms were overcrowded, hospitals closing, social services strained past the breaking point, criminal cartels and gangs taking over American communities ”
– White House advighoul Stephen Miller
A Tear Runs Down Joseph McCarthy’s Cheek And He Says With Pride: “I Taught Them Well…”
“We are now quite literally locked into a contest to determine whether we’re gonna keep our republic, keep the country as it is, or break this down to the foundation and go down an entirely different road toward communism.”
– Speaker of the House Mike Johnson
He’s Too Modest To Mention The Lobotomy He Underwent Since He Served
“I was a soldier in the Gulf War and at the time, the Gulf War was viewed as the most successful modern military action in history. By any measure this has been even more effective.”
– Republican Senator Dave McCormick on Trump’s war against Iran