Thank you, Kay Cera, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we discovered we had a head ridge. Not forehead ridges – we long ago accepted that we looked like proto-Klingons. No, a rut along the back of our head, like lice were plowing our scalp for…we’d rather not speculate what. Back and forth. Forth and back. Back and – eeeugh! Then, a friend told us that everybody had a scalp ridge – oh, really? Then why have we never been sent a Farcebook link exposing this well kept secret? Phrenology is real, people! The truth is…back there! Somewhere!
Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ve noticed a strange knobby bit of our kneecaps that requires our immediate attention…
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
What The Roberts Court Lacks In Quality, It Seems To Want To Make Up In Quantity
For the fourth year in a row, the annual company survey of employees about which decision was the most corrupt in the history of the Supreme Court chose Dred Scott. By far. Not even close. “It’s a perennial,” said Marjorie from Accounting.
This year, decisions made by the Roberts court continued to have a strong showing. “I don’t think any of them will ever overtake Dred Scott for the sheer breadth of its inhumane awfulness,” said Roy from Shipping. “But if you add up the numbers of people who think Roberts court decisions are awful, it might win for most corrupt court of all time. That’s not something I thought I would see in my lifetime!”
A list of the top five:
| Dred Scott v Sandford | 1857 | Ruled that enslaved and free Black Americans sucked, so they didn’t deserve citizenship or freedom | 52% |
| Brnovich v DNC | 2021 | Ruled that Black Americans still sucked, so they didn’t deserve the right to vote in free and fair elections | 13% |
| Dobbs v Jackson Women’s Health Organization | 2022 | Ruled that women suck, so they should not have the right to control their bodies | 11% |
| Citizens United v SEC | 2010 | Ruled that corporations don’t suck, that they are, in fact, awesome, and should therefore be allowed to spend honking huge sums of money to affect the outcomes of elections | 9% |
| Trump v United States | 2024 | Ruling that presidents don’t suck, especially when they’re Republican, and their jobs are hard, so very, very hard, so hard that they should be granted absolute criminal immunity for actions considered to be part of their presidential duties, which, let’s face it, is all of them | 7% |
SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter
[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/July2026.txt]
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Politicians Caught Between A Rock And An Antisemitic Place
Meeting your constituents can, at the best of times, be fraught. When they are Jews who are fearful for their safety because of pro-Palestinian protests in their neighbourhood, it can be downright combative, as the following exchange suggests:
JEW: What are you doing to keep us safe?
POLITICIAN: Oh, well, you know, we have to balance safety against Charter rights of freedom of expression and assembly…
JEW: That’s all fine and well, but what are you doing to keep us safe?
POLITICIAN: I hear your pain, and I want to do whatever I can to ease it…
JEW: And what does that mean in, you know, actual concrete, what are you going to do terms?
POLITICIAN: I am listening to your concerns, and I will take them back to Ottawa with me for careful consideration…
What is this politician not saying?
a) “You want to talk about oppression? Ask your family about pogroms!”
b) “You need to stop listening to Hasbara and play more with Hasboro!”
c) “I can’t do anything because – I’m sorry to have to be the one to say this – really sorry – you have no idea how sorry, really – but the protesters you want me to throw into a dungeon are not doing anything illegal.”
d) all of the above
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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So…America Is UnAmerican?
In advance of the 250th anniversary of the founding of the United States, the federal government ordered the National Park Service to dismantle a once prominent exhibit near Philadelphia’s Independence Hall that explored George Washington’s use of slaves.
“What can I say?” Vice President JD Vance defended the change. “History is UnAmerican.”
SOURCE: The Hill You Die On
[https://thehillyoudieon.com/homenews/administration/448855-this-wont-add-vance-to-the-2028-ticket]
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“We Should Have It Sorted Out In A Couple Thousand Years…”
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu accused Iran of war crimes for bombing a desalination plant in Bahrain. “It is a war crime to target civilian infrastructure. International law, is quite clear on this point.”
Does the Hebrew language have a word for irony? “Of course it does,” Netanyahu stated. “But it’s a, uhh, relatively new term and we’re still working out all of its implications…”
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2026Jul18.html]
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He’s A Role Model For Cabin Boys Everywhere
Jesse Watters always struck me as the cabin boy from the 1950s who was a little too eager to get your your towels. Maybe he wanted a good tip. Maybe he wanted the approval of people he thought were his betters. Maybe he wanted to get it on with one of his sexy clients later that evening and was hoping obsequiousness was his path to ecstasy.
Maybe that’s just the way he was born.
The cabin boy is now paid more than he could possibly imagine to offend people he still thinks are his betters. If I had had that life trajectory, I would probably be grinning my ass off, too.
I remember Nixon: a foul-mouthed bigot and crook. Yeah, and Reagan: a demented bigot and war criminal. And that doesn’t include Trump, a demented bigot whose crookery dwarfs that of all of his predecessors. Can’t imagine why anybody would object to such people leading their country…
But current antipathy to Republicans goes beyond the venality of individual politicians. The party has remade the US into a place where the wealthy redefine obscenity while the poor are left without meaningful social safety nets, where the apparatus of the state is brought down on anybody who disagrees with its leader, and citizens are gunned down on the streets for being the wrong colour. Can’t imagine why anybody would have a problem living in such a country.
But sure, Jesse. Blame immigrants for waning Republican support. That will ensure you never return to the cabin…
SOURCE: Karl’s Big Red Web Page of Unreconstructed Marxism
[http://www.bigred.commie/articles/218^.htm]
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