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Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
President Flips Public Broadcaster The Big Bird
A meeting with Big Bird at the White House seemed cordial, but after a few minutes President Donald Trump waved around a stack of papers and accused Sesame Street of conducting a genocide of white residents. “People are fleeing the neighbourhood for their own safety,” Trump said. “Their apartments are being confiscated and in many cases they’re losing their lives by losing the hands up their asses.”
Perhaps aware of Trump and Vice President JD Vance’s ambush of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, Big Bird came prepared. When Trump made the genocide accusation, the large yellow avian puppet pulled Ernie and Bert, who were very much alive and animated, out from behind a curtain. To show that they had not been harmed, they did a comic routine that revolved around mutual respect of other people’s boundaries.
“This is why we have to get rid of PBS,” President Trump, who never met a boundary he wasn’t prepared to piss across, muttered.
SOURCE: The Postington Wash
[http://www.postingtonwash.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2025May22.html]
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If You Truly Believe That, Why Govern At All?
“I Have Been Wondering That Myself A Lot, Lately.”
Oh. Ah…Well, At Least You’re Committed To The Bit…
“People are not – well, we’re all going to die. So, for heaven’s sakes. For heaven’s sakes, folks.”
– Senator Joni Ernst responding to one of her constituent’s claiming at a town hall that Medicare cuts will cause people to die
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
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If You Want Advice On Killing Animals, Why Don’t You Give Kristi Noem A Call?
According to Premier Doug Ford, Bill 5, which allows the provincial government to ignore environmental regulations to fast track development projects, is necessary because, “the province needs to grow and American threats and stuff.”
Environmental and First Nations critics of Bill 5 say it will set back efforts to keep endangered species alive by 50 years.
When he heard this, Premier Ford frowned. “Fifty years?” he mused. “That would take us back to, what, 1975? Oh, that’s bad. That’s very bad. I wanted to take us back to the 1950s. What do I have to do to return to the 1950s – kill a snowy barn marmoset with my bare hands?”
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=517882]
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When In Drought, Blame Liberals
The Rockies are facing another year of drought conditions: the snow melted several weeks earlier than normal, and the snowpack is lower than it was in 2023, the year of Canada’s record-breaking wildfires. Not to worry: Alberta Premier Danielle Smith has a plan.
“The Liberal government of Mark Carney is deliberately heating the planet in order to stifle Alberta’s oil industry and kill our growth,” she recently stated. “My government will expose the international conspiracy to destroy Alberta’s economy. In the meantime, I hope the legislature will quickly pass my bill to strip mine Banff – that oil won’t go to market by itself!”
When she heard what the Premier had said, Banff Park Warden Bernice “Rockies” Balboa looked at the charred stubs of a range of burnt down trees and said, “We’re doomed.”
SOURCE: Festerin’ Report
[http://www.ax2grindnet.com/festerinreport/web/feature222222222222-2222222.html]
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There’s Something Not Quite Right With This List, But AI Can’t Put My Finger ON It…
Ten great books to read at the beach:
Goon Machine and the Awful Truth, by Stephen King
Muskrat Unleashed, by John Updike
Spooky Truth, by Isabel Allende
Hail Mary, by Andy Weir
Juliet’s Predicament, by Margaret Atwood
I’m Okay, You Need Help – No, Seriously, Get Help Soon!, by Leo Buscaglia
Iris and the Crew Tear Through Space!, By Cait Gordon
Hear Ye! Hear Ye! Now is the Time to Beer Me!, by W. H. Auden
Medievalism for Beginners, by Rachel Gillig
Humans Ruin Everything by Matt Haig
Our thanks to the Chicago Sun-Times for compiling the list
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.45.27/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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We Truly Live In Heady Times
Doug Ford, the Premier of Ontario, has decided that it’s time to crank up the John-A-in-a-box and have a statue of disgraced former Prime Minister of Canada Macdonald jump out into public view once more. In typical Ford fashion, the Premier empathetically stated: “We have to move on. Stop worrying about the past.”
Some people may see this is a tragic lack of reckoning with historical reality. The staff at Wawaneesa, on the other hand, sees this as an opportunity for another office pool. This one has two parts: how long will it take before the statue is covered in graffiti? And: how long will it take for the statue to lose its head? Early entries have shown significant overlap, so we decided to start over with limits: the graffiti pool will end one month from the unveiling of the statue; the beheading pool will start one month after the unveiling. If either should happen outside of these parameters, all bets will be off and monies will be returned.
And yes, a lot of the staff at head office are Indigenous. Is it obvious?
SOURCE: The Wawaneesa Group Monthly Newsletter
[http://mnc.com/flexmere/ontologicon/wawaneesa/internal/newsletters/May2025.txt]
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“This Is A War Of Civilization Over Barbarism,” Netanyahu Commented.
Too Bad He Was Confused About Which Side Israel Was On
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu has accused Canada, the U.K and France of rewarding Hamas by threatening to take action against Israel over the humanitarian crisis in Gaza. “You need to know which side you’re on,” Netanyahu lectured.
When it was pointed out that Netanyahu supported Hamas, allowing funds to be funnelled toward it through Qatar and ignoring warnings that it was planning an attack inside Israel’s borders, the Prime Minister got red in the face and roared, “Exactly! Learn from my mistakes, why don’t you?”
SOURCE: The Baghdad Post
[http://www.baghdadpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A49881-2025May28.html]
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