“What would you say if I told you that I could double your sales with a few simple tools?”
“I’m perfectly happy with how much I sell.”
“But, in today’s world, you’re judged by how much your organization grows! If you sit still, you’ll be eaten alive by the competition! Everybody knows that!”
“Well, sir, I sell worms to weekend fishermen at their cottages. I’ve been selling about the same number of worms since I started, about 40 years ago. I’ve been eaten alive by black flies, but I ain’t never been eaten alive by no competition.”
“But – alright, look. The computers I sell have a million and one business applications. Perhaps you could use it to track your inventory.”
“My inventory?”
“Sure. Say you need to know how many worms you sell in a given week – my computer system can help you with that.”
“Why would I need to know that?”
“Well, if you find that some weeks of the summer you sell more worms than others, you can always increase your supply on those weeks. You wouldn’t want to be caught short and disappoint your customers, would you?”
“Oh, my customers are never disappointed. If I run short of bait, I can always go out into the back yard and dig up some more worms.”
“Umm…okay. Let’s talk about your customers. A computer database can help you serve their needs better.”
“You think?”
“I know. You can see who is coming into the store every week and who you haven’t seen in a while. You can then ask the customers who aren’t coming in as much why, and get more of their business by giving them more of what they want.”
“But, I already know that stuff.”
“You do?”
“Sure. When Wally stopped coming in, I knew it was because his wife was sick with the gout, and if I just waited, she would get better and he would be back. And, he was. When Ted started coming in every second weekend, I knew it was because he was having to work some weekends to keep up with his city job. I gave them both an extra box of worms on the house to see them through their troubles. When Frank -“
“Okay, okay. I get the point. You’re a tough case, brother, you know that?”
“Sorry to trouble you.”
“Oh, that’s okay – I like a challenge.”
“Glad to be of service, then.”
“Have you ever considered how helpful access to the Internet could be to your business?”
“Can’t say as I have.”
“You could keep up with the latest innovations in…uhh…worming technology.”
“Latest innovations, eh? I been digging for worms my whole life, and I can’t say the process has changed all that much.”
“Don’t you want to know about the latest…uhh…digging thingies?”
“Spades?”
“Sure.”
“I generally use a shovel.”
“Whatever.”
“I use the shovel my father used when I was a boy. He got it from his father, who -“
“You ever heard of Internet time? Friend, you’re on Middle Ages time!”
“Selling worms really doesn’t require high technology.”
“Don’t you want to see what the competition has to say for itself?”
“You mean Vern down the road a ways?”
“Okay.”
“We get together after we close up shop to have some tea and talk about how sales were.”
“Don’t you want to crush him and develop a monopoly on worms in the county?”
“If I did, who would I have to take tea with and talk to after I closed up the shop?”
“Okay. Look. You can…put up a Web page advertising your company. People coming to their cottages would see your Web site and flock to your establishment!”
“Cottages around here don’t have no electricity.”
“My god, man, haven’t you ever heard of laptops?”
“See, the thing is, most people come to a cottage to get away from the pressures of the big city. A laptop computer ain’t much use to somebody sitting in a rowboat in the middle of a lake for the better part of a day.”
“Don’t you want to increase your sales!”
“I do believe we covered that at the start of our conversation.”
“Hunh…okay, brother, you win. You don’t need what I’m selling. Congratulations.”
“Care for some worms?”
“I’d love to buy some worms from you – to eat, if nothing else – but, frankly, I’m late for my three o’clock. Do you know where I can find…Timmy’s lemonade stand?”