From: “Eric B. Kaufman”
Reply-To: Erick@juvio.com
To: “ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca”
Subject: New website traffic
Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2004 12:21:21 -0700
Hello,
Within the last week, you have had visitors to http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca/home.htm that found your website on the Juvio Search Engine. (http://www.juvio.com)
Juvio offers its visitors a safe way to search the Internet, and lists only sites that meet our family-friendly guidelines. While your site is currently listed with Juvio, you do not yet have top listing on our search engine. To gain top listing and increase your website’s traffic, you may become a Premium Member of Juvio. Additional benefits to becoming a
Premium Member include:
- Performance-based, pay per click pricing
- Keyword targeted results
- Account managers, ready to help optimize your campaign
- No minimum spending requirements
- A cost-per-click often more than 50% lower than competitors
Becoming a Premium Member takes just a few minutes, but has lasting results. To find our more information about becoming a Premium Member, or to become listed today, please click below:
http://www.juvio.com/search/login.asp?email=ira%40lespagesauxfolles%2Eca
Login: ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Password: [omitted]
You may also reach me directly. I look forward to seeing your website on the top of our search engine.
Eric B. Kaufman
Senior Account Executive
Juvio Corporation
8910 University Center Lane
San Diego, CA 92122
P: 858-452-7959 ext. 378
Erick@juvio.com
This e-mail is being sent to you for the purpose of discussing business development opportunities between our respective companies. If you would prefer not to receive any additional e-mail information from me in the future, please go to this url
http://www.juvio.com/remove.asp
Please allow a reasonable response time not to exceed three (3) business days from which you will be removed from my e-mail database and you will no longer receive e-mail communications from me.
I work for Juvio and we may be reached by mail at 8910 University Center Lane #100, San Diego, CA 92122.
*Please note that Juvio.com does not use email lists to contact their potential partners. I personally visited your website and chose it as one that could benefit greatly from the services we offer. If you do not want to be contacted further, please reply to my email with “not interested” in the subject line.
Mister Kaufman:
Thank you for your interest in Les Pages aux Folles.
Are you familiar with George Carlin’s comic routine “The Seven Words You Cannot Say on Television?” If you are not, you certainly should be able to imagine, even in these jaded times, what some of them are. I regret to inform you that, at last count, Les Pages aux Folles used five of the seven words. Not, to be sure, in every article, but sufficiently that a youngster with enough time and motivation would be certain to find them all.
We find, therefore, that we must decline your undoubtedly generous offer, since, as should now be apparent to you, Les Pages aux Folles is definitely NOT a family oriented Web site. (Pardon my crudity, but it contains an entire article devoted to…vaginas, for goodness’ sake!) If, on the other hand, your search engine’s mandate some day expands to include adult-oriented material, please feel free to contact me with details of the changes.
Sincerely,
Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and Sock Relocations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
“We do funny (adult) stuff”
Subject: Best premaid logos
From: “Mi Mcneil”
Date: Tue, June 8, 2004 11:07 am
To: info@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Priority: Normal
Good morning,
Do you need a professional yet inexpensive logo? We offer high guaIity premade loqos at an increadibly Iow price .Choose a design you Iike most from our huqe desiqn qalIery, and instantIy downIoad it in editabIe source files that are suitabIe for your stationery, website, and promo materials. This is a qreat chance for you to create a professionaI imaqe of your company or website at only a nominal fee. You can even create a new revenue stream for your business by offering our logos to your own clients. We look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
Mi Mcneil
Our Logo Gallery
Please click here to remove your address from further mailings
Mister…Misses…uhh, Mi:
Thank you for your interest in Les Pages aux Folles.
As it happens, our graphics are created in a labour camp in China, where payment usually comes in the form of not getting hit so often with a lash. For many years our graphics were produced in Uttar Pradesh, but we actually had to pay those artists three cents a day for their work, and, well, when China offered us a better rate, of course we had to jump at the opportunity, the economy being what it is.
You may think that the quality of the work would suffer given the conditions under which it is produced, but the great news there is that most of the inmates of the Chinese camp are actually intellectuals who were not able to anticipate the country’s changing political climate. Clever, talented people who just don’t fit into society – closely supervised, who could imagine a better workforce?
In fact, you might want to get in touch with Qing Bao-Ping, the man who runs the labour camp. In addition to being an astute businessman, Qing has a wicked sense of humour. Why, just the other day, three of his workers were begging for water in the stifling heat of the workshop when…well, perhaps I should let him tell this story. Some things tend to get lost in the translation.
Sincerely,
Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and New Market Penetrations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
“We do funny (visual) stuff”
PS: A week after I received your delightful offer (with its creative use of the English language), I received an email from somebody named Janeen Bright – would you believe that it was word for word, typo for typo exactly the same as your missive? The only conclusion I can come to is that somebody is stealing your business! Naturally, I assumed you would want to know. If you would like to contact Ms. Bright (if that is her real name), her email address is: [tuttsuyb@ecomail.org]. Best of luck.
From : pomegranate
Reply-To : “pomegranate”
Sent : July 21, 2004 1:49:46 PM
To : ira@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Subject : where did you go
npggqfiwbvoisoxktjaxrnawifgj
hey you dont know me but my name is lucy. I would love to meet you.
A little about me and other stuff is below.
name; lucy
age; 18
sexual preference; Bi sexual
a little about me; I’m tired of dating. I just wanna have fun. Forget dinner, forget the movies… Bend me over and pound my (bleep) hard, Make me squeal.
favorite postion; On all fours. pleasure & pain in one go.
If it sounds like you want to meet me, come setup a fun date with me.
My whole profile and contact info www.bjprofile.com\date.html
girls in your town just like me are waiting to meet you too…
Dear Ms. Pomegranate,
Oh, my.
The publisher of Les Pages aux Folles forwarded your email to me in order that I may – oh, my.
I hope you’ll forgive me for not referring to you as Lucy, but I hardly think that I can be so familiar with somebody whose existence I’ve only just become aware of. You and the other girls in my town just like you seem like really nice people, people I wouldn’t mind getting together with and playing pinochle or, if we got really crazy, contract bridge.
Unfortunately, I’m not at liberty to arrange any sort of meeting with any of you. I hope you’ll understand – I met my first wife that way. I’ll be paying alimony from heaven.
Since I have your attention, might I suggest you consider purchasing one of Les Pages aux Folles‘ fine adult line of products? I am told that What the Heck Do You Know? The Tits and Ass Version is a delightful board game that gives hours of relatively innocent pleasure. We have a line of condoms that come in 12 designer colours, each adorned with a different saying that first appeared on the front page of our Web site. And, no collection of sex aids can be considered complete without the Rex Veneer line of scented lubricants for men who find themselves in – dare I say it? – tight situations.
I’ll put you on our catalogue mailing list, then, shall I?
Sincerely,
Ned Feeblish
ned.feeblish@lespagesauxfolles.ca
Vice President, Public Relations and Awkward Situations
Les Pages aux Folles
a wholly owned subsidiary of MultiNatCorp
“We do naughty (but essentially innocent) stuff”
PS: are you spastic? I find the first line of your email message completely indecipherable. Of course, you may not even be aware of the problem. The line of type is actually invisible in my mail reader – I only noticed it when I saved the mail to a plain text file. Perhaps you should consider submitting yourself to a CAT scan or some other tool of brain trauma diagnosis.