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The Daily Me Staff
The One Time Donald Trump Doesn’t Listen To A Little Voice In His Head…!
The United States and Russia are making great progress in talks to end the war in Ukraine. “Putin is making demands, sure, but cut him a little slack,” said US President Donald Trump. “He’s spent years on a war that was only supposed to last a week and a half, and he’s lost a lot of Polish soldiers. Ukraine owes him!”
“Wait! Peace talks are happening?” demanded a startled Ukrainian Prime Minister Volodomyr Zelenskyy. “Why wasn’t I informed of this? Give me – give me a second to get some pants on and I will be right there!”
“Let me put some meat on that Bud Lite – hic!” added American Defence Secretary Pete Hegseth. “Ukraine wanting to – hic – regain the land Russia has taken in the war – hic – is an illusion. Not even a – hic – grand illusion, either, just a cheap – hic – dime store – hic – illusi – hic! Excuse me – I…I need a – hic – drink. This press confere – hic – nce is over!”
“What do you mean, I wasn’t invited‽” Prime Minister Zelenskyy demanded, incredulous. “I’m the leader of one of the countries at war! No, I don’t want a 1-800 number to call! I need to be in the room where the fate of my country is being determined!” Pause. “Okay, yes, fine, what is that number…?”
SOURCE: The New York Crimes
[https://www.nycrimes.com/live/2025/02/16/europe/russia-america-peace-pineapples]
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It’s Sad When A Politician’s Underwear Restricts The Flow Of Blood To His Brain
With President Trump’s threat of tariffs coming closer to becoming reality, Ontario Premier Doug Ford has put on his Captain, My Captain Canada underpants (only $12.95 at Wal-Mart) and swore to oppose them. “We shall fight the tariffs on the beaches. We shall fight the tariffs in city streets. We shall fight the tariffs in corner stores. We shall fight the tariffs…on the…umm…did I mention the beaches? We shall fight these tariffs!”
A couple of days ago, video surfaced in which Premier Ford congratulated President Trump on his election victory and said that he was enthusiastically looking forward to working with him. “I don’t know where that video came from,” Premier Ford said, pulling up his Captain, My Captain Canada underpants (quantities limited – get them while they last!), “or what that guy was thinking. But to be clear: that is not a reflection of my current position.”
A day later, a recording of a speech given by Ford indicated that he wanted a return to capital punishment. When asked about his tough on crime rhetoric, which echoes that of a certain politician across the border, Premier Ford adjusted the crotch on his Captain, My Captain Canada underpants (one size fits all – some chafing may occur!) and responded, “Honestly, I don’t know who this guy is, but I really wish he would shut the f*ck up!”
SOURCE: Toronto Stunned
[http://www.canoodle.com/NewsStand/TorontoStunned/News/2025/02/16/509727.html]
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It Is Truly The Mayfly Of Currencies!
The life spans of different currencies:
British pound sterling: 536 years (and counting)
United States dollar: 233 years (and counting)
Canadian dollar: 167 years (and counting)
Euro: 26 years (and counting)
Memecoin: 37 seconds
SOURCE: Economics For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/home.asp?did=631&dir=bb]
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Winning…Winning – The Word Is Very Familiar – Does It Have Something To Do With Bearing Two Identical Children In A Single Pregnancy?
The New Democratic Party candidate in Eglinton-Lawrence, Natasha Doyle-Merrick, has withdrawn from the race in order to help the Liberal candidate avoid splitting the vote, allowing the (Progressive) Conservative candidate to win the seat.
In return, the Liberals have added a second candidate to their slate in the neighbouring York Centre riding.
“It’s like…they don’t even understand the concept of winning…” Doyle-Merrick commented.
SOURCE: Toronto Startle
[http://www.thestartle.com/NASApp/cs/ContentServer?pagename=thestartle/Layout/Article_Type1&c=Article&cid=1044591431413&call_pageid=968115278492&col=908000972154]
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Donate Them To Ukraine To Help In Its War Against Russia
Yes, The Trump Administration Hates Ukraine That Much
1 setup) The US State Department has a plan to buy $400 million worth of armoured Teslas from President Elon Musk. What does the State Department plan on doing with them?
a) they will make fine weights for all of the paper that the Department will not be producing because ninety per cent of its staff will be laid off
b) give them to unhoused people to live in, then offer them to the Department of Defence for target practice
c) their purchase will make a great subject of an investigation into government waste on Steve Bannon’s podcast
1 punchline) The US State Department has cancelled its plan to buy $400 million worth of armoured Teslas from President Elon Musk. Why did it do this?
a) somebody noticed
b) Marco Rubio didn’t get the memo
c) could it be that…DOGE actually is rooting out fraud and unnecessary government spending?
1 topper) I don’t know. Could it be that DOGE actually is rooting out fraud and unnecessary government spending?
a) ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha h – oh, wait. You’re serious, aren’t you? No. No, it’s that somebody noticed
b) I mean, if DOGE really was rooting out fraud and unnecessary government spending, it would start with its own $8 million/day budget, wouldn’t it?
c) so, thanks for the laugh – it’s always appreciated in these dark times – but I’m going to stick with a) somebody noticed
SOURCE: Les Pages aux Folles
[http://www.lespagesauxfolles.ca]
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Talk About Car Culture Shock!
The province has passed legislation that will create a monument outside Queen’s Park to be known as “The Tomb of the Unknown Cyclist.” This law came as an amendment to legislation that empowered the province to remove bike lanes from Toronto Streets and ban lawsuits from injuries to cyclists that resulted from the removal.
According to Transportation Minister Prabmeet Sarkaria, “We wanted to show that we appreciate the sacrifice cyclists will have to make to ease traffic congestion in the downtown core.”
Responding to the estimates of urban planners that the removal of the bike lanes will only shave 17 seconds off a one and a half hour commute from the suburbs, Minister Sarkaria shrugged and said, “Every little bit helps…
SOURCE: NOW and THEN
[http://www.now&thentoronto.com/news/story.cfm?content=414262]
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