Thank you, The Widder Dundee, for signing up for The Daily Me. Our search engine has combed the Internet for up to the minute news items that fit the profile you have so painstakingly filled out for us. Then, we weighted the probability that you would be interested in these articles against forms which showed what people with tastes similar to yours have liked reading in the past. And, then, we heard Democrats talking about accepting the results of “a free and fair election.” Really? When billionaires spend hundreds of millions of dollars supporting your opponents, elections ain’t free. And how is that fair?
Enjoy,
The Daily Me Staff
I Think The Show Is A Lot Less Endearing Than Its Producers Would Like Viewers To Believe
EXT. GRADE SCHOOL PLAYGROUND – DAY
LIL JUSTIN is playing soccer with his friends on the field behind the school.
LIL JUSTIN: Hey! Pass the ball to me! I’m open! Hey! Look at me! Look at me! I’m open! I – hey! Where is everybody going?
The kids hastily walk off the field.
LIL JUSTIN: The bell didn’t ring – it’s still recess. Where is everybody going?
LIL DONALD: (off) Hey, Lil Stinko.
Lil Justin turns to see LIL DONALD, flanked by LIL ELON and LIL MIKE, walking up to him.
LIL ELON: Henh henh. Good one, Lil Donald.
LIL JUSTIN: (downbeat) Oh, hi, Lil Donald.
LIL DONALD: Give me your lunch money.
LIL JUSTIN: Why should I give you my lunch money?
LIL DONALD: Because you’ve been letting cough syrup come from your part of the playground to my part of the playground through your porous borders. Call it a stupidity tariff.
LIL ELON: Stupidity tariff! Henh henh! Truth!
LIL JUSTIN: I can’t help it if people on your side of the playground want cough syrup, Lil Donald!
LIL DONALD: But you can help them from getting it, Lil Justin.
LIL JUSTIN: But…but…but I need that money to buy lunch.
LIL DONALD: Not my problem.
LIL MIKE: If you don’t do what Lil Donald says, I’ll make sure we pass a rule that everybody will call you a boogerhead for the rest of your life.
LIL DONALD: Shut up, Lil Mike.
LIL MIKE: Sorry, Lil Donald.
LIL JUSTIN: What do I get if I give you what you want?
LIL DONALD: I get your lunch money and you don’t get beat up. When you think about it, it’s really a win-win situation.
LIL JUSTIN: (glum) Oh, yeah. Definitely win-win.
MUSIC: sad “Wah wah wah.”
ANNOUNCER: (over) Be sure to join us next week for another endearing episode of Lil Parliamentarians.
SOURCE: This 22 Minutes Feels Like An Hour
[http://www.mothercorp.ca/hour22minutes/]
more
The American Government Is About To Become An Illustration Of What Happens When You Close The Barn Door After The Stable Genius Has Fled
“Well what I would do, is I would, we would, we have tremendous military capability and what we can do without planes, to be honest with you, without 44 year-old jets, what we can do is enormous, and we should be doing it and we should be helping them to survive and they’re doing an amazing job.”
– Donald Trump when asked what he would do differently than Biden on Ukraine
SOURCE: No Comment Quotes
[http://thesepeopleareinsane.psy/update.toshtml]
more
An Orc Is An Orc Is An Orc
An Orc By Any Other Name Would Still Smell As Foul
Some players of Dungeons and Dragons are in high dudgeon (high dungeon?) about changes to the rules of the game. The changes include using the term “species” instead of the loaded term “races,” and allowing players to object to storylines that feature drug use or sexual assault if they find them offensive.
“If it’s woke, it’s broke!” wrote mydragoneatswimps, a long-term D&D player, on Twitter/X. “Orcs maraud and slaughter! They don’t press flowers into books and they don’t talk about their feelings! If you want to do that, play Dora My Little Pony Explorer or some shit like that!!! #redintoothandfang”
When somebody responded by asking him why he couldn’t play the game the way he always had and let others play the kind of game they want to play, mydragoneatswimps responded, “I don’t argue with libtards!!!!!”
SOURCE: Geekly News & World Report
[http://www.geeklynews.com/geeklynews/issue/250111/geeklynews/01garygygaxhahaha.htm]
more
It’s So Much Like The Village Square That I Can Barely Tell Them Apart!
What Elon Musk considers “free speech” on Twitter/X:
SOURCE: Narcissism For Dummies
[http://www.politicsfordummies.com/entertainmentfordummies/economicsfordummies/religionfordummies/satirefordummies/narcissismfordummies/home.asp?did=505&dir=bb]
more
The Logic Is Bulletproof
I used to have a problem with the ten commandments being prominently displayed in classrooms around the country. It was on account of, you know, that pesky separation of church and state thing.
But I realized that if the commandments were large enough, students could hide behind them when somebody came into their classroom and started shooting at them with an assault rifle. So, now, I say let the ten commandments be displayed as large as possible, if possible behind bullet-proof glass!
SOURCE: Bill’s Bitter Pills
[http://bill.geekgoons.com/]
more
The Runner-Up, “Go To Bat For a Plutocrat,” Just Didn’t Have The Same Zing
After a months-long search, the winner of the “Jingle for Jillionaires” competition has finally been announced. Maritha Skorbotsky of Han Arbour, Michigan, won for the jingle: “Don’t be a bitch – be a snitch for the rich.”
In the wake of the killing of the CEO of a health insurance company (whose only health concern appeared to be that of his bottom line), other members of the plutocracy naturally fear for their lives. They can pay for private security, of course, but no amount of security is 100% effective. Rather, what they needed was a way to turn the poor people who are likely to target them against each other.
A “tip” line seemed like the perfect solution to the problem.
“I don’t know how I came up with it,” Skorbotsky said of her winning entry. “I just thought, ‘What rhymes with rich?’ and the jingle just came to me.”
The jingle will be used as the centrepiece of a national campaign to raise public awareness of the tip line, the purpose of which is to reward any caller who offers information that leads to the arrest and conviction of anybody planning on murdering a corporate CEO.
“I mean, the $1,000 prize was welcome,” Skorbotsky continued. “But, uhh, I don’t know how well it will help me to buy protection from all the people sending me death threats for participating in the competition.”
Elon Musk, who is becoming something of the public voice of the plutocracy, wrote on Twitter/X: “The ad campaign hasn’t even started, and it’s already working as intended!”
SOURCE: Wall Street Infernal
[http://online.wsi.com/article/0,,SB113413397491118404,00.html?mod=home_whats_new_which_u]
more