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Oh, Headlines, You’re Such An Incorrigible Scamp!

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On The Contrary, This Is The Worst Time To Ask Democrats To Be Sober!


“Time for sober second thought”

Toronto Star


That’s As Good An Epitaph For Humanity As Any


“Netanyahu does not represent most Israelis”

Toronto Star


Their Cleaning Bills Must Be Enormous!


“Making the most of the ravine
A North York couple upgraded their mid-century home with open spaces inspired by nature”

Toronto Star


Why Do We Collect It, Then?


“Data shows little impact”

Toronto Star


Are You Trying Out A Paul Lynde Impression? Rats!


“If this is a war on cars, the cars are winning”

Toronto Star


That’s What Losers Say


“War and violence won’t settle anything”

Toronto Star


Or, For People Who Know History, China’s Ancient Goal


“China’s New Goal: Being Trade Hub”

New York Times


Remember When The Provincial Conservatives Used To Be Against Adding $3.2 Billion To The Deficit?
Well, We’ve Got 200 Reasons For You To Forget


Province to send cheques to every Ontarian
Tax-free payments of at least $200 come as Ford eyes early election call”

Toronto Star


They Hope To Replace Him With Kamala Harris, But She’s A Little Busy At The Moment…


Liberal MPs ask Trudeau to step down
More than 20 sign call for change, as leadership hopefuls begin to organize”

Toronto Star


Join The Lineup
You’ll Be Lucky To Get To Disclosure Before His Brain Explodes!


Central Park Five Sue Trump
Ex-president accused of ‘false and defamatory statements’ during debate”

Toronto Star


Cats Respond: “Meh. Whatever. Your Loss.”


“A Lonely Nation Embraces Dogs”

New York Times


Excitement Doesn’t Help To Maximize Profits


“As landlords get richer, Toronto gets duller”

Toronto Star


…To Bring Peace To A War-weary World


a Thing of Beauty
A breathtaking new fragrance collection manages to transcend usual perfume tricks”

Toronto Star


Sure
Then NATO Can Overrule Ottawa
Then The United Nations Can Overrule NATO
Then The United Federation Of Planets Can Overrule The United Nations
After That…We’ll All Be Too Long Dead To Care…


“Ottawa should overrule Ford on bike lanes”

Toronto Star


Oh, You Don’t Have To Tell Me – I Take This Very Personal!


“Take a personal approach to downsizing
There’s no one-size-fits-all, so get clear on what’s important to you and what you might need”

Toronto Star


What Do You Mean, “Finally?” Boomers Have Been Saying That Out Loud Since They Were Just Out Of Diapers!


“Finally we can say it out loud:
baby boomers ARE GREAT
Sure, boomers were lucky. But there is much to praise about us, too”

Toronto Star


Otherwise, How Could Conservatives Scream “Overreach!”?


“Government urged to intervene”

Toronto Star


At Least The Constant Recycling Of This Headline Is Good For The Environment


“Ford’s new policy is a wrong move”

Toronto Star


Say What You Will About Them, But At Least Disaster Films Have Happy Endings…For Some Of The Characters…


“MORE NEWS WON’T SAVE US
Unlike a disaster movie, the climate needs more than a simple galvanizing event”

Toronto Star


Would It Help To Have More Movies On The Subject?


“How the world will end
Reporter Annie Jacobsen on the nuclear threat we’re all ignoring”

Toronto Star


Trump Responds: “Why Are They Picking On Me? I’m A Likeable Guy! ELECTION INTERFERENCE!”


“Trump Reignites Questions Over Age”

New York Times


It Sure Feels That Way If You’re The Israeli Government!


“Criticism of the Israeli government is not hate speech”

Toronto Star


Unfortunately, He’s Convincing Nobody Else
Especially Voters


“PM ‘convinced’ he can win”

Toronto Star


So, The Benefits Will Be Primarily Spiritual, Then?


FIFA official says city will see ‘profound’ benefits
Chief tournament officer speaks with Star’s editorial board”

Toronto Star


When Did You Become So Bossy!


“Ford must stop overruling local politicians”

Toronto Star

“Canada must regain credibility on world stage”


Toronto Star

“Nuclear waste site to be chosen next year
But first, four Ontario communities must decide if they will accept the underground bunkers”


Toronto Star

“If the left wants to win, it must unite”


Toronto Star

“Canada must enforce money laundering laws
Country being used to clean funds from abhorrent crimes”


Toronto Star

“LETTER FROM THE EDITOR
The Star must be ambitious and fearless”


Toronto Star

Internal combustion engine exits sage left in a cloud of soot
EVs are not the solution as they will ‘perpetuate car culture,’ warns expert. Work, school, shops must be within a 15-minute trip”


Toronto Star

“We must invest in our universities”


Toronto Star

“Israelis must hold Netanyahu accountable”


Toronto Star

“Ford must repair the mess he’s made of post-secondary”


Toronto Star


Getting The Headline Right Is The Least The Paper Could Have Done


Israeli strikes kill dozens in Gaza
At 88 dead after territory’s north hit, health officials say”

Toronto Star


Threaten To Release Nude Photos Of The Person You’re Negotiating With
(PRO TIP: It Helps To Have Them)


“How to negotiate for a better deal on almost anything”

Toronto Star


Little Houses, Big Dividends


“Tiny Prairies, Blooming With Life”

New York Times


Then, Boy Do We Have A Prairie For You!


“I started to dream about tiny living again”

Toronto Star


The Wrong Lessons, As It Happens, But That’s Our Education System For You


“Lessons for Trudeau, Poilievre in Trump’s victory”

Toronto Star