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Thanks For The Confirmation – I Always Knew They Were MAGATS!
All the votes are in in tiny Waxachappanee County, Colorado. All seven of them. Four votes went to former President Donald Trump, three votes were cast for Democrat Kamala Harris. Trump immediately declared victory.
“The people have spoken,” he told a half-empty room full of his supporters. “Well, all the people who matter, I mean. I mean, they can be considered a representative sample of the people. So, no need to count any of the other ballots. I mean, there are only 160 or 170 million of them – they won’t tell us anything we don’t already know. So, if Crooked Joe Biden will get out of my White House by sunup, I can start to Make America Great Again, The Sequel. No need for an inauguration – they don’t always go too well, if you know what I mean…”
The media crowed that the vote tally vindicated their pre-election polling. “We said the election was going to be close, and the election was close,” commented Washington Post editor Jeff Bezos. “But now it’s time to put all that aside and get the administration working for us.”
When asked if he meant “working with the administration,” Bezos waved a dismissive hand and replied: “Try not to get too hung up on words.”
SOURCE: Deadline News Network
[http://www.dnn.com/2024/ALLPOLITICS/11/05/reps.main/index.html]
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“Because Republicans Are My Role Models…
Did You See What I Did, There? God, I’m Good!”
At least six Conservative Members of Parliament have asked the federal government for funding from the federal Housing Accelerator Fund, even though party leader Pierre Poilievre promised that he would slash the fund if he became the next Prime Minister. The Conservative MPs do not enjoy being compared to American Republicans who voted against the Infrastructure Investment and Jobs Act, then took credit for spending in their districts, and they’re not shy about saying so.
“Bloody Americans want credit for inventing everything!” complained MP Frank Caputo. “Well, let me tell you, Canadian politicians have been hypocrites for decades, possibly going back to Confederation! I daresay we could teach the Yanks a thing or two about talking out of both sides of your mouth! Not, uhh, that I’m bragging or anything…”
SOURCE: The Irrational
[http://www.mc.ca/stories/2024/11/03/missionhypocritical241103]
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Or, Why Don’t I Vote Early AND Vote On Election Day?
That Way, One Of Them Is Sure To Count!
Trump: “I hate early voting, really I do. I had a dog once that died because of early voting. Poor little fluffy, the sweetest doberman you ever saw, gone before his time. So, please, don’t do early voting. Except in Pennsylvania. And South Carolina. And you know what? It’s sad, but this is the way elections are run these days, so every Republican throughout the country should go out and vote as soon as they can. We need big enough numbers in early voting so that it doesn’t matter how the Democrat party cheats. So, go to your polling station now, right now, no matter what time you hear this message, and vote. Vote as if my life depended upon it. Or, better yet, wait until election day. It’s only a few days away. Early voting is rigged, in my opinion, and your vote won’t count. And we want every beautiful vote of yours to count. So, whatever you do, don’t vote early!”
SOURCE: The New York Crimes
[https://www.nycrimes.com/live/2024/11/01/national/election-trump-logorrhea-pumpkins]
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Who Dares To Challenge My Ooey, Gooey, Jewy Goodness?
According to Elana Rabinovitch, executive director of the Scotiabank/Giller literary awards, “Writers shouldn’t be attacked or intimidated. Books shouldn’t be targeted. Authors shouldn’t be silenced.” To support the voices of writers, Rabinovitch called a campaign demanding that the Giller Awards end their relationship with Scotiabank, which invests in companies which supply arms Israel uses in its genocide in Gaza, “pure antisemitism,” and accused those involved in the campaign of “coming after me because of my Jewy last name.”
This is exactly the kind of support most of the Canadian writing community expects to see from its leaders.
SOURCE: Unread Book News
[http://217.204.45.24/cgi/NGoto/2/64382861?3518]
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Quitting While I’m Close To Being Ahead
Finding I Actually Have Street Cred
Faced With Chores, And Choosing To Go Back To Bed
Sharing a meal with a good friend
Not knowing how a book I’m enjoying will end
A boring meeting I don’t have to attend
Raisin chalah – a most delicious bread
These are some of the things I will miss when I am dead
Making fun of political schmucks
Going to Harbourfront and not feeding the ducks
Imagining exploding garbage trucks
Waking up in the morning without a feeling of dread
These are some of the things I will miss when I am dead
Keeping my head while those about me fall
Quitting when I’ve been banging it against a wall
Finding a (more or less) clean public bathroom stall
Being thankful that I wasn’t named Fred
These are some of the things I will miss when I am dead
SOURCE: Poetry, Cornered
[http://www.cibc.com/ca/personal/poetrycorner/958.html]
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Why, There Oughta Be A Kamala!
Dear Amritsar,
The girls in my church have been talking, as girls will, and they came to the conclusion that voting for Kamala Harris or any other Democrat on the ballot would be like cheating on our husbands. Having cheated on my husband, I’m pretty sure that there is no comparison. Pretty sure. Should I put country first and tell them, risking my standing in the community, or do what I normally do and smile blandly and ask if there are more blueberry scones?
Ruby Rimtimtugger
Hey, Babe,
The world is vast: you should try not to limit yourself to binary answers to questions which vex you. Have you ever considered leaving your husband and moving to Scandinavia?
SOURCE: Alternate Reality News Service
[http://www.arns.com/sinbin?id=32320612314641384497fx]
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