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Headlines: Where Absurdity Is Job Wonder!

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“Functioning Municipalities Are Overrated,” Premier Argues


Alberta to relax rule on buying oil and gas wells
Companies won’t need to cover bankrupt owners’ unpaid municipal taxes before purchasing assets”

Toronto Star


Are Male Art Monsters Supposed To Breath A Sigh Of Relief?


“Art monsters not exclusively men
Alice Munro was writing ‘Open Secrets’ while ignoring daughter’s attempts to find recognition”

Toronto Star


Have You Been Reading My Diary Again‽


“Paranoid, broke and smelling of death”

Toronto Star


And I Would Get It, Too, If I Weren’t Paranoid, Broke And…


“My sex life needs more quality, less quantity”

Toronto Star


It’s Like A Treasure Hunt, But One Where Cynical Rage Replaces Childlike Wonder


‘Chaos’ as bars run low on booze
Wholesale bulk ordering system not feasible for small pubs, restaurants”

Toronto Star

Ford touts online map of booze purveyors
As LCBO strike continues, premier releases promo clip”


Toronto Star


Or Are Those Daisies?


“Love is blooming for seniors again”

Toronto Star


This Is News?
“Father Approves Of Daughter’s Boyfriend” – Now, THAT Would Be News!


“Father doesn’t like daughter’s boyfriend”

Toronto Star


Oh, So THAT Explains Why I Love Pierre Poilievre All Of A Sudden!


Tories paid $8.5M for ads last year
Conservatives spent 20 times more than the Liberal party”

Toronto Star


Grumbles, “Would It Have Killed The Prosecution To Add A Little Drama To Its Tax Law Case?”


“Juror dismissed for falling asleep”

Toronto Star


You’re Accusing Us Of Having A Typo In A Headline?
Of Course, You Realize, This Means Star!


“An overdue shift
As an Asian actor, Nelson Lee was typecast for decades as a gangster or a nerd. Only lately, says the ‘Civil Star’ star, has Hollywood started to change”

Toronto Star


We Told You To Get Adult Diapers, But Did You Listen?


“Friends are having fun, I feel like a party pooper”

Toronto Star


Despite This, Republicans Appear To Be Thriving


“Hotter Climate Poses Threat to Dirt Dwellers”

New York Times


PM Argued: “Legacies Don’t Destroy Themselves, You Know!”


PM says he still has work to do despite calls to step down
Some Liberals want Trudeau to resign after defeat in Toronto-St. Paul’s”

Toronto Star


She May Have Got Away With It, Too, If She Hadn’t Been So Slow


“Chinese woman arrested for turtle smuggling”

Toronto Star


And They Can Be Totally Objective, So He Should Trust Their Advice


“Biden’s family tells him to stay in presidential race”

Toronto Star


We’ll Get On That…Just As Soon As China Gives Us The Okay!


“Time for Canada to get serious on foreign interference”

Toronto Star


My Taste Buds Respectfully Disagree


“Plant-based meat isn’t as bad for you as they claim”

Toronto Star


For A Start, Stop Reading Newspaper Articles On The Subject


“FIGHT the fear
Social media is worsening money dysmorphia – an irrational insecurity around one’s finances – among younger generations. Here’s how to gain control”

Toronto Star


I Found The Rat Who Could Mimic Any Sound Especially Entertaining


“THE VERMIN ARMY
Toronto isn’t ready to deal with its rodent invasion. I went to New York City’s rat academy to find out if there’s any hope”

Toronto Star


Just Look At Our Politicians


“Canada’s brain drain is no shock”

Toronto Star


Three Executives, Two Secretaries And A Janitor Is Significant


Hamilton steelmaker Stelco sold for $3.4B
New U.S. owner will keep headquarters and ‘significant employment levels’ in Canada”

Toronto Star


It’s Hard To Drive From A Job That Doesn’t Pay A Living Wage To A Home You Cannot Afford


“Poll finds city traffic has people pondering relocating”

Toronto Star


The Paper With The Price On It Is Right There On The Table Where Practically Anybody Can Pick It Up


“Price of this Christie Pits home ‘within reach of a lot of people'”

Toronto Star


Bonnie And Clyde Are Becoming Role Models Once Again


Staying PUT
As the cost of living rises, it may be easy to fall behind on mortgage payments. But there are things you can do to ensure you don’t lose your home”

Toronto Star


Defined As: The Provinces Make Demands, The Federal Government Cooperates”


“‘Co-operative federalism’ on agenda”

Toronto Star


Unfortunately, Building Public Housing Doesn’t Appear To Be One Of Them


“Governments can affect home prices by doing three things”

Toronto Star