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Headlines Punked Out At The Last Minute (And They’re Allergic to Safety Pins!)

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The Science Centre
Oh, Wait, Maybe Not That
The Reliability Of Public Transi – No, Not That, Either
Sam The Record Man? Nope. The World’s Biggest Bookstore? Nyuh Unh. The Varsity Cinema? Oh, Jeez…
Can I Get Back To You On This?


“What do you love about life in Toronto?”

Toronto Star


Replace The Lighting Director With Somebody With Less Experience


“How can we not see these officers in a bad light?”

Toronto Star


I Can Count To Three!


“How financially literate are you?”

Toronto Star


Sing. Dance.
Shpritz A Little Seltzer Down Your Pants


“What do I do now that relationship is over?”

Toronto Star


Is Conrad Black Still Filing Frivolous Lawsuits?


“Are we over the SLAP?”

Toronto Star


He’ll Save The World Anyway
It’s Kind Of His Brand


“What will happen if no one wants The One?”

Toronto Star


Absolutely! If We Never Stopped Growing, We’d Be Thirty-seven Feet Tall!
Can You Imagine How Much Our Legs Would Stick Out Of The Ends Of Our Beds?


“Conventional Wisdom Demands Growth. Is It Wrong?”

New York Times


Where’s Joe Strummer When You Need Him?


“Should he stay or should he go?”

Toronto Star


Not Since My Investments Took Out The Restraining Order, No


“Should you get hands-on with your investments?”

Toronto Star


1. Evidence That It Works
2. No Need For Evidence Ever Again


“Evidence of foreign interference is clear. What’s next?”

Toronto Star


What If We Care About Our Profits? That Counts…Right?


“Enough with cravings. How about caring?”

Toronto Star


I Decided To Avoid The Rush And Start The Day He Stopped Wearing Glasses


“How long will it take to be really sick of Poilievre?”

Toronto Star


You Wanna Buy Da Road Or Not? Cause I Got A Lotta Customers Wid Cash In Deir Hands If Ya Don’t!


“What is a ‘road licence agreement’ and do I need to care?”

Toronto Star


Yes
Unfortunately, It’s Backwards…


“On the road to net zero, is Canada going fast enough?”

Toronto Star


Itchy With A Touch Of Nausea


“So what does the public feel about the housing crisis?”

Toronto Star


A Death Wish?


“What’s driving me?
At age 69, I’m looking to get my licence and become a rookie driver. Should I be doing this?”

Toronto Star


You…Don’t Understand The Concept Of “Hiding,” Do You?


“What is Poilievre hiding?”

Toronto Star


The Way The Downtown Core Is Bustling With Condo Dwellers
Umm…Yeah, Given How Many Are Left Empty By Speculators, That’s A Stretch
The Green Spaces That Are Protected By – Naah. That’s Obviously Bogus.
Smooth Traffic? Are You On Crack?
Can I…Can I Get Back To You On This?


“What do you love about life in Toronto?”

Toronto Star


Not Roomy? Sorry, But I Don’t Buy Any Car Where I Can’t Comfortably Stow My Legs On The Back Seat!


“If you really want what a classic big sedan has to offer, is the Toyota Crown for you?
Full-size, hybrid car rides well, but is not roomy, and is not all that fuel efficient. Is it worth it?”

Toronto Star


It Never Hurts To Ask…


“Condo sales are tanking. Why aren’t asking prices?”

Toronto Star


They Want A Country That Works
More Or Less…


“Do Canadians want more or less government in their lives?”

Toronto Star


Have You Seen The Roman Coliseum Lately? Woof! She’s Really Let Herself Go! I Wouldn’t Wish That On My Home’s Worst Enemy!


“Can buildings not live past 50?”

Toronto Star


Blue-tinted Glasses


“How can we not see these officers in a bad light?”

Toronto Star


Because Too Many People Feel, “You’ll Get My Steering Wheel When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Fingers!”, Unaware Of How Many Steering Wheels Actually Have To Be Pried From Cold, Dead Fingers


“Why are one-occupant cars put before transit?”

Toronto Star