“Thank you for coming in, Mister Broz.”
“Thank you for seeing me.”
“As you know, Bernhauser and Sons and Daughters and Nephews, Nieces and Assorted Distant Relatives is looking for a new CEO. We are still in the initial stages of the search, so I’ve asked the most impressive looking candidates in for a brief chat to get to know you all a bit better.”
“I understand.”
“Good. Now, if you were CEO of the corporation, what direction would you want to take it?”
“I would want to dismantle it.”
“You mean, sell off a few non-producing divisions?”
“No. I mean take it apart and bury all of the pieces in a deep, deep hole.”
” I see. Interesting. And, what do you think that would do to shareholder value?”
“One can only hope that it would destroy it utterly.”
“Un hunh. And, why would you want to do that?”
“Big corporations are the enemy. I am fundamentally opposed to capitalism, which is a massively destructive force in the world.”
“I see. Yes. And – I’m sorry. What did you just say?”
“Capitalism bad. Needs a long, hard spanking. And, I’m just the man to do it.”
“You want to destroy Bernhauser and Sons and Daughters and Nephews, Nieces and Assorted Distant Relatives.”
“That’s right.”
“Completely?”
“Well, no. I will allow that it does employ a number of decent, hard-working people in its core enterprises. That is a worthwhile function of a corporation, and, within certain clearly proscribed limits, I would allow it. However, all the speculation and inflated executive salaries – gone.”
“But…but…but, you can’t do that!”
“Oh, I don’t know. Directors have become so compliant with management that I imagine that – with a three per cent increase in their annual stipends – they could be persuaded to go along with anything.”
“But, you would be destroying the basis of your own compensation! Bernhauser and Sons and Daughters and Nephews, Nieces and Assorted Distant Relatives offers a highly competitive executive compensation package – you really expect me to believe you would undermine it?”
“Undermine it? I would take a shovel to its head and beat it until it was without a doubt beyond mortal suffering.”
“Even if it means not getting paid?”
“Are you kidding? How many executives have destroyed perfectly viable companies through their incompetence or greed and walked away with huge paydays? I’m planning on destroying the company through the blind application of ideology, but, otherwise, the situations are identical!”
“Ah. Yes. Well. I hope you don’t mind me saying this, but that is a…an unusual approach for somebody who actually wants to run a company.”
“These are competitive times, and we must do whatever we can do stand out.”
“Granted. Still, your approach seems, to me, to be a little…extreme?”
“Extremism in the pursuit of vice is a liberty.”
“…
“…
“Well, I’m sure you can understand that this poses a problem for me.”
“It does?”
“Of course it does. I can hardly recommend to the Board of Directors that we hire as CEO of our company a man who wants to destroy it. They would laugh me into retirement.”
“It worked for the Republicans.”
“Aaaaah…please explain.”
“The Reagan Revolution of the 1980s brought a whole group of people to Washington who believed that government was a problem in itself, not a solution to a host of other problems. So, they set about to dismantle government. Their heirs are in the White House – slashing budgets and eliminating programmes – even as we speak. If they can do that for government, surely I should be able to do it for corporations.”
“No, you can’t!”
“Why not?”
“This isn’t Washington!”
“Please explain.”
“Corporations are more important than government.”
“Not for the millions of people who aren’t well served by corporate capitalism. Not for anybody who wants clean drinking water or safe roads to drive on, which, let’s face it, is pretty much everybody.”
“Okay. I think I’ve got a good idea of where you’re coming from….”
“Will this interview be over soon?”
“Oh, yeah. Consider it over now if you like.”
“Good.”
“Good?”
“I have a three-thirty with Burton, Barston, Beeston, Rosencranz and Guildenstern, and I don’t want to be late.”
“Interviewing for CEO?”
“CFO, but I figure I can do enough damage in that position.”
“Oh… So…Mister Broz, tell me again about this intriguing dismantling idea of yours…”